Need Advice on Something

[Shelle822]

Good Morning All,

I know that I am probably a pest to most of you but I am trying so hard to understand.  When someone is trying to get clean and figure out there lives and what they want.  Do they lie?  My boyfriend has been living with me for 4 months and in the beginning everything was wonderful but he was on pills.  Now, he has been clean for 30 days and he's always at home.  He doesn't go anywhere.  He says right now he hates himself because he feels useless, he's not working right now.  He is looking but says until he gets a job, he just hates himself.  He says that is the only thing missing out of his life right now is work.  My problem is, he gets on the computer and talks to old friends (girls) which I don't care about him talking to them.  It's just the fact that I can read them and he doesn't know.  Its the things he says to them, like the girl he is renting a room from (ME) thinks that we are together but that she (ME) is just living in a fantasy world and that he is moving out next week.  Again, all these people also think that he is working.  I asked him what his intentions were after all the depression and **** was said and done.  He says that if he didn't want to be here, he wouldn't.  

Is this just a phase that he is going through.  Does he lie to them to make himself feel better?  Any advice, PLEASE.  I love this man and don't want to give up on him.  But I deserve so much more.  Is there light at the end of my dark tunnel that I am traveling down.

Thank you all so much.

[Shelle822]

Thanks for all of the advice guys and all of you were right.  I kicked him out friday.  He says he hates me more than he has ever hated anyone.  He never loved me, it was all a lie, it was just the pills talking, etc.  He said I need to act like he never existed.  I am just an obsessed stalker.  

I think those were pretty much his exact words.

So, you were all right.  I loved him for NOTHING but me the person I am.  I will always care about him and I hope he finds his happiness.

[PromisedLand]

Do you live on an upper floor?  do what my daughter did to a guy who sounds quite similar...she threw his stuff out the 3rd floor window, literally dragged him out of bed and told him to get the hell out and if the phone don't ring it's me.

oh...while he's sleeping tattoo a big "L" for loser on his forehead.

[troubleinohio]

honey, please get rid of him! any man that would tell other girls stuff like that is no good. Kick him out, quickly! You cant blame post WD depression on him talking to other girls, talking bad about you, and using you!! He is NO GOOD.  At least you only wasted 4 months of your life with him and not 4 years!  Good luck to you!

[flmagi]

Give him til sun down to get out. Be warned he'll try and feed you a whole line of BS, to try to keep his free home and sex. Thank him for opening your eyes and tell him something he'll always worry about, say something like  " you thought you loved him and that was the only reason you put up with his bad bedroom performances". lol (yeah, lie a little, maybe). You'll fall in love again, hopefully with someone decent.

[sway1]

we tend to tell people the things we wish to be true, almost as if by saying them, we can somehow speak them into existence. until truth starts coming from him, and i mean the real truth, to everyone, you are probably beating a dead horse. your horse isn't moving much, so maybe the curb isn't such a bad place for him. best of luck to you and your big heart. peace, sway

[NautyOne]

girl, I just answered your other post.  He is riding you for a place to live and your kindness.  I can just tell what nice (innocent) girl you are.  I would slap that chit in his face and kick him to the curb!!  Do No Wait.........He is a user and a loser!!  You are wayyy to nice........get a backbone and hit him over the head with it!!...sorry...I get so mad sometimes.......one of those days.

YOU DO DESERVE BETTER.  THIS MAN ...AND I SAY THAT LIGHTLY....WILL HURT YOU !  HE WILL LEAVE YOU WITH BAGGAGE TO TAKE TO THE NEXT GUY AND POSSIBLY SCREW THAT UP FOR YOU....

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA, FELLA!....WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET IT...LOL.

PLEASE!

LUV
NAUTY..........

[Shelle822]

Should I wait to see how things pan out when he starts working?

[Wolverine819]

I think this guy is taking advantage of your feelings for him,and using you for a place to stay and somebody to support him.No reason for him to get a job as long as you pay the bills,and he can spend his day talking up his on line girlfriends.He is using you,and playing you for a fool.
Just an opinion but sure sounds that way.

[kells67]

I agree. You are giving him a place to lay his head and making it too easy for him. It's hard to do the right thing when u love someone, but u need to pack him up and get on with your life minus him.

[daisy699]

I have to agree w/ Ga on this. I think your in a little bit of denial. I think he may be telling you what you want to hear for a place to lay his head at night..Obviously he's not working and paying his way to live w/ you? I think you definately deserve more and the truth first and foremost!! Take care of yourself and be honest w/ him about what you know. Just my opinion.

[GA Guy]

Sounds to me that he's telling them things he isn't man enough to tell you to your face. Just my opinion, though.