Addiction: Social Community
found an old journal entry
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found an old journal entry

I dont remember writing it.  It was when I kicked opiates in June of last year.   Here are some of the highlights

.............I am jittery and lethargic at the same time
             I cant even see, where are my glasses!
            Why does the simplest life task seem so HUGE
             I am vomitting and have the runs
             My bones hurt, my whole body aches
             I feel enslaved,   I am enslaved
             I want to go find relief but want to be free at the same time
             I'm too old to be doing this AGAIN
             My son is coming over, I have to be UP for him, to cook, laugh, smile, go for walks, where am I supposed to get the f/ energy for that!!!!
             I am such a loser
             This is a personal entry, I will burn it after I write it.
Guess I forgot to burn it.  As a matter of fact, until today I forgot I had written it.
Doesnt sound much like a party does it?    I am soooo grateful to be clean today and dont ever want to feel these things again.   Im so glad I found this today.
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3 Comments Post a Comment
amazing huh---I'm a newbie--on day 5--actually feeling good--but the entries I wrote the first 2 days...don't remember writing them either...scary huh...almost thinking of saving mine just in case I need a reminder--you are at a year!  YOU ROCK!  you ARE sodone!!!
WOW..I got chills. Funny that you would find that after all this time. There are no coincidences.....

Great post. Thank you.
Great to hear entries that sound like mine....I need to keep hearing people that sound like me things like this so I know what I'll sound like in no time..right no time.

Thanks for the extra inspiration

Makes ya really think, don't it? Think it is neat that you found that, as a matter of fact last week i was looking and found my first post too, and WOW it freaked me out reading it. We have come such a long way, alot of struggles and alot of misery but so worth it. Thanks for posting that, just reminds me that, that is NOT a place i want to get back to either.

Think you are doing so great, and i am so proud of you girl! You have inspired me in so many ways! I have been here since June 3rd, won't ever forget it, that is my sons birthday, the day i decided enough is enough. You have been here with me since my first day, alot of you have been (you know who you are) i feel like we are family. You guys will always be such a HUGE part of my life.

Thanks again for sharing your first post...

How are you sweetheart? I agree with sodone and it was destiny for you to find this. You are doing great and really help me to stick to my guns on this. I am on such a roller coaster right now and beating myself up for getting addicted. I can't help but wonder why I was so stupid. It was not like I didn't know that addiction was more than likely. I knew!!!! Why did I let myself get to this point? I could have stopped this and I continued on. I wonder will it ever be the same. Sorry, I just had to vent a bit.

I am proud of you and so lucky to have someone like you as my friend.

Love to ya,
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