Aa
good bye pills
Dear opiates.
I am breaking up with you. i am sorry you will miss me. but i won't miss you.
When i found you eight years ago. i needed a best friend. i was going thru a trauma in my life. and needed some help. help to take care of ky husband. my family. i was so confused.and you promised to keep me safe. you promised to take away my pain. emotionally and physically. just like new friends i didn't know much about you. i didn't know your past. i didn't know anything. but you seemed so nice in the beginning. you were always there. you never let me down. you knew how to releive my stress. you felt like a warm snugy hug. you made me feel like nothing was gonna hurt me. you filled me with energy and gave me a sense of well being.
As time went on you asked more of me. you told me to see you daily.i welcomed the visit. it was nice to forget about my problems for awhile. i got good sleep. You helped me clean. run errands work overtime. i was in love.
One day i was busy. i was so tired from johnnys accident. running kids. moving houses. doctor appointments lawyer appointments therapy. yet i could always count on you to help pull my day thru. heck. you were the one reliable friend i had at the time.. you never judged me. never criticized me. always showed up on time.
As our relationship grew. you introduced me to another friend of yours. i remember your words today. if you like me...you'll love her. she's even more fun. she's even more powerful. and i was so lost still. i was hurt from falling off Tue ladder. i was excited to have her help. i never had such a friend that helped me get all my work done. and only you were able to comfort me. you didn't get mad when i couldn't go shopping. you didn't get mad when ally was in the hospital taking all my energy. you were the one stable thing in my life.
Then one day you played a cruel trick on me. i forgot to pick you up that morning. and was mad at me. so you told me when i don't pick you up in the morning i will get sick. i did. and then you said i out grew you when i had my surgery. just like all bad friends you left me. but before you left you introduced me to your big sister you said shed help me. her name was oxy. you told me to get to know her. that she was complex and it would take some time to really know her.
The first week she stayed with me i was on cloud nine for the first time i was totally pain free. and she made me feel better than you. i fell in love and hung out with her. we cleaned. worked. drove kids. i was impressed.
Just like all frienships we had our problems. i began to hear her lie. she kept telling me i felt good and looked good. but whenever i forgot to pick her up i was sick.
She got tired of my sickness and said she couldn't help me anymore. and introduced me to her aunt who's a b. her names addiction. she started bossing me around. made me pick her uo several times a day. she constanly whispered in my ear that she was the only one i needed. because i was in love i did whatever she wanted. i ignored my family. didn't want to be around them. they didn't understand me like my friend did. she whispered to lie. she didn't want anyone to know i was cheating on my family and husband. she even helped me at my job. although she was a poor worker. but i just let her have her way instead arguing. as time went on she convinced me to take more of her magic potion. and when i ran out she nudged me about my extra money i wasn't usingnat the moment. she convinced me to steal from my husband for those magic pills. she promised me nothing bad would happened. and if i didn't shed torture my body.
Meanwhile my family was getting upset concerned about my new friends. some of my old friends told me i looked bad. wasn't myself. i just ignored the noise coming out of their mouths. what did they know about my new best friend??
We were having such a grand time i forgot to day bills. one day i came home and my lights were off. and she whispered...its ok. go pawn something. so i did.
then a few weeks or month went by and i met another human with the same friend. she told keep if i snorted it....id find my old friend that made me feel instantly great. so i tried. wow. that was a great friend. or so i thought.
I needed my oxy friend so bad that i started using any extra money including car notes. fun money to hang out with oxy.
Then the friendship changed. instead of all that fun and energy i began to feel sleepy. depressed. shame and guilty. but this so called friend wouldn't leave. she told me she owned my soul. i asked her to show me what she really looked like. and i saw a monster. lieing cheating uncaring monster. and when i looked in the mirror i saw the same monster in my reflection. i was upset at her. she out and out lied to me. when i asked her. she told me i never asked her questions. i never challenged her authority. she laughed an evil laugh and called me a weak gutless coward. she told me that i was hers forever. that id do whatever she asked. steal lie cheat. i became everything i stood against. and when i wouldn't pick her uo. id get sick . so i always picked her up. shed rack my body with pain and depression if i forgot her. she even convinced me to loose my car.
sometimes shed show me her other human friends. she told me she introduced them to methadone ....that this was a life time relationship. she shared with me that i wasn't the only one that there are millions of humans under her spell.
She promised me happiness but gave me depression. she promised me energy. but i would nod out. she promised me well being i got low self esteem.
Then one day i read about my friend. she was disguised as an enemy. i tried to tell her she was ruining my life. she told me. i picked her up she didn't knock on my door she told me nobody left her. nobody. but i knew she was a liar. a fraud a fake ..a true friend doesn't want you sick ...
Then i found medhelp. and others that had either escaped her grip of manipulations or was trying to told me the truth. i listened. i was embarrassed of believing i could get so wrapped up. i was ashamed of all i gave away. especially myself. others escaped. everyone warned me this wasn't gonna be like a devoirce .i was ready to get away from this evil friend i befriended. so i started my journey to recovering getting back my life.
After two weeks of pure h%ll. i thought she left town. nope. she just hid out. waiting for me to miss her. and i did. i remember all the fun we had. everything i got done. funny how we forget the bad stuff when were in love. so i picked her uo again.
She visited for a week to ten days when i was planning on a stay for a month. all she did when she came back into my life was lie lie lie. she constantly reminded me id never get away this time. she made sure to make and keep keep sick she always changed my moods. she kept me angry. and depressed to the point of suicide looked like the only way out.
I threw her out after a week to ten days. i finally saw her evil lies. she's nothing but bad bad news . her only goal is to destroy. thats it. she offers nothing positive. her ultimate goals to kill you. make you loose everything. or go crazy.
I finally said goodbye march 8th 2012. i hope i never ever pick her up. and i hope you can escape her grasp
she is a dragon. and dragons are fire breathing mystical creatures lets all kill her one and for all.
Written by bama
I am breaking up with you. i am sorry you will miss me. but i won't miss you.
When i found you eight years ago. i needed a best friend. i was going thru a trauma in my life. and needed some help. help to take care of ky husband. my family. i was so confused.and you promised to keep me safe. you promised to take away my pain. emotionally and physically. just like new friends i didn't know much about you. i didn't know your past. i didn't know anything. but you seemed so nice in the beginning. you were always there. you never let me down. you knew how to releive my stress. you felt like a warm snugy hug. you made me feel like nothing was gonna hurt me. you filled me with energy and gave me a sense of well being.
As time went on you asked more of me. you told me to see you daily.i welcomed the visit. it was nice to forget about my problems for awhile. i got good sleep. You helped me clean. run errands work overtime. i was in love.
One day i was busy. i was so tired from johnnys accident. running kids. moving houses. doctor appointments lawyer appointments therapy. yet i could always count on you to help pull my day thru. heck. you were the one reliable friend i had at the time.. you never judged me. never criticized me. always showed up on time.
As our relationship grew. you introduced me to another friend of yours. i remember your words today. if you like me...you'll love her. she's even more fun. she's even more powerful. and i was so lost still. i was hurt from falling off Tue ladder. i was excited to have her help. i never had such a friend that helped me get all my work done. and only you were able to comfort me. you didn't get mad when i couldn't go shopping. you didn't get mad when ally was in the hospital taking all my energy. you were the one stable thing in my life.
Then one day you played a cruel trick on me. i forgot to pick you up that morning. and was mad at me. so you told me when i don't pick you up in the morning i will get sick. i did. and then you said i out grew you when i had my surgery. just like all bad friends you left me. but before you left you introduced me to your big sister you said shed help me. her name was oxy. you told me to get to know her. that she was complex and it would take some time to really know her.
The first week she stayed with me i was on cloud nine for the first time i was totally pain free. and she made me feel better than you. i fell in love and hung out with her. we cleaned. worked. drove kids. i was impressed.
Just like all frienships we had our problems. i began to hear her lie. she kept telling me i felt good and looked good. but whenever i forgot to pick her up i was sick.
She got tired of my sickness and said she couldn't help me anymore. and introduced me to her aunt who's a b. her names addiction. she started bossing me around. made me pick her uo several times a day. she constanly whispered in my ear that she was the only one i needed. because i was in love i did whatever she wanted. i ignored my family. didn't want to be around them. they didn't understand me like my friend did. she whispered to lie. she didn't want anyone to know i was cheating on my family and husband. she even helped me at my job. although she was a poor worker. but i just let her have her way instead arguing. as time went on she convinced me to take more of her magic potion. and when i ran out she nudged me about my extra money i wasn't usingnat the moment. she convinced me to steal from my husband for those magic pills. she promised me nothing bad would happened. and if i didn't shed torture my body.
Meanwhile my family was getting upset concerned about my new friends. some of my old friends told me i looked bad. wasn't myself. i just ignored the noise coming out of their mouths. what did they know about my new best friend??
We were having such a grand time i forgot to day bills. one day i came home and my lights were off. and she whispered...its ok. go pawn something. so i did.
then a few weeks or month went by and i met another human with the same friend. she told keep if i snorted it....id find my old friend that made me feel instantly great. so i tried. wow. that was a great friend. or so i thought.
I needed my oxy friend so bad that i started using any extra money including car notes. fun money to hang out with oxy.
Then the friendship changed. instead of all that fun and energy i began to feel sleepy. depressed. shame and guilty. but this so called friend wouldn't leave. she told me she owned my soul. i asked her to show me what she really looked like. and i saw a monster. lieing cheating uncaring monster. and when i looked in the mirror i saw the same monster in my reflection. i was upset at her. she out and out lied to me. when i asked her. she told me i never asked her questions. i never challenged her authority. she laughed an evil laugh and called me a weak gutless coward. she told me that i was hers forever. that id do whatever she asked. steal lie cheat. i became everything i stood against. and when i wouldn't pick her uo. id get sick . so i always picked her up. shed rack my body with pain and depression if i forgot her. she even convinced me to loose my car.
sometimes shed show me her other human friends. she told me she introduced them to methadone ....that this was a life time relationship. she shared with me that i wasn't the only one that there are millions of humans under her spell.
She promised me happiness but gave me depression. she promised me energy. but i would nod out. she promised me well being i got low self esteem.
Then one day i read about my friend. she was disguised as an enemy. i tried to tell her she was ruining my life. she told me. i picked her up she didn't knock on my door she told me nobody left her. nobody. but i knew she was a liar. a fraud a fake ..a true friend doesn't want you sick ...
Then i found medhelp. and others that had either escaped her grip of manipulations or was trying to told me the truth. i listened. i was embarrassed of believing i could get so wrapped up. i was ashamed of all i gave away. especially myself. others escaped. everyone warned me this wasn't gonna be like a devoirce .i was ready to get away from this evil friend i befriended. so i started my journey to recovering getting back my life.
After two weeks of pure h%ll. i thought she left town. nope. she just hid out. waiting for me to miss her. and i did. i remember all the fun we had. everything i got done. funny how we forget the bad stuff when were in love. so i picked her uo again.
She visited for a week to ten days when i was planning on a stay for a month. all she did when she came back into my life was lie lie lie. she constantly reminded me id never get away this time. she made sure to make and keep keep sick she always changed my moods. she kept me angry. and depressed to the point of suicide looked like the only way out.
I threw her out after a week to ten days. i finally saw her evil lies. she's nothing but bad bad news . her only goal is to destroy. thats it. she offers nothing positive. her ultimate goals to kill you. make you loose everything. or go crazy.
I finally said goodbye march 8th 2012. i hope i never ever pick her up. and i hope you can escape her grasp
she is a dragon. and dragons are fire breathing mystical creatures lets all kill her one and for all.
Written by bama
Is this my biography...do u know me? Wow what a non fiction reading today with this post. Please keep helping others you have a talent.
Thanks
Thanks
What a powerful letter! In many ways it is all of our pain and addiction rolled up into one. Different ways, different lives..but all the same end. I needed to read this today. I was feeling so good and then that b i t c h started talking to me again. I ignored her, but she is very strong. Keep up the fight, my friend! I will hang with you and help when I can. You always help me!
Thank you!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!
And addicted im not at all jealous of my druggie ex friends. i pray for them all the time. they are on a one way street that is a dead end. addiction will destroy you. steal everything from you. your soul. your money. your job friends family and if your lucky maybe a stay in rehab. unlucky ones go to jail or die. we are fighting for our lives ....this is serious when you finally wrap your head around it. yes relapses most likely will occur. but get back on your feet as soon as possible.
I posted this today. to show others how the progression works. plus i wrote my letter breaking up with drugs. yesterday i was supposed to show up at my doctors for a renewal of pills. i was a no show. this last detox i journaled alot. saw how insane i went. the aftermath. the anger the screaming at everyone. the agitation ....and i thought what sane person would want back in the asylum...freedom is a powerful thing. im no where's free from addiction. but i don't need to fuel the fire with more pills.
Trust me you may be jealous of your old friends now who are still using but one say shi t is going to hit the fan for them. I was the same way and then I started getting phone calls friends had oded and a few died. That woke me up this is so dangerous and although it gives u a short term happiness that is not reality. It all comes crashing down on u if u wait long enough. Its best to get out while u still can and are here till even talk and think about it. Others aren't so lucky..
Wow honey that was a great post. You can do this my dear lots of prayers coming your way. Love you.
WOW, Bama that letter is sooooo true!!!! I agree with notme42long that it should be attached to info/warning paper u get at the pharmacy!
sent you a note and freind request,,,im alittle new to all this,was thinking,whats pm mean??lol....im day 14 off percs,,just dealing with mental issues and cravings here and there...glad your back posting,,i was lurking about a month before posting...you,,kyle and i think gnarly helpd me out at first....couple others also i cant remember...thanx everyone..
not that enyone reads. but your goodby letter should be attch to the info/warrning receaved from pharmacy. Wow!
First the mood is natural. i am a good nature person by birth. but but but...this last detox send me over the edge. that's why i wasn't on the forum. stopped again on the 8of march. every little thing aggravated me. my daughter was so excited to go to six flags. i heard it nonstop for a week. It drove me looney. explain more to me. Pm me if ya want. i love to help. helping you helps me. so please pm me. I've done so many detoxes not that im a doctor. but give me some info and we will put our heads together
thanx again,,just finding it hard to relate to people now..had alot of good freinds who are always on pills..they are always happy and i feel like im the weird one..my family knows alittle but still wonders why im not my old happy self..all the time...ive never smoked but i can relate now to people n bad mood cause they are quitting..anyway, have a good day....
Wo!!....thanks bama that was well said.....I really needed to read that right now.....day 3 suxxx....peace....
n8tiv_ndn
mark
n8tiv_ndn
mark
Please don't ever feel alone. those stinkin pills do that. your on earth with billions of people. lol. and this forum is full of us that want freedom. on your worst of days think of all the people that for what ever reason can't or don't want to stop. those are the ones truly alone honey. were all together. we work individually and collectively as a group to fight figure out and support another in addiction. so when you think your alone. reach out and post. someone is always around to talk to. ok?? were a family here . even if we are all behind screens. but there is hope here. when all else fails in your daily activities come here for a nugget of hope. hope is better than gold:)
in my life now..this forum is the only thing that i can relate to..thanx for letter..sometimes i feel alone in what im feeling,,but i know im not..now...
You always come out with great stuff bama. There is so much truth to everything you said. Its scary how much the drugs affected out lives. And I know just how hard it is to imagine living without them. Some days I just don't know when Ill ever feel normal again. Let this be the last time we go through this and end the suffering. This too shall pass. Keep up the good work
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