husband taking hydrocodone, xanax, alcohol daily for 6 years

[t-ray]

If anyone can offer any advise, this is our story. my husband was injured severly 6 years ago and went through major surgeries for the first four years, he is now well from the accident, but is addicted to hydrocodone, xanax and he also drinks daily. he has changed emotionally and of course he can't see it. he thinks at this point that it's okay. I have spoken to his doctor on three occasions, his doctor just happens to be one of his best friends and well since 2001 has prescribed his narcs. my husband is 39 yrs old and until the accident he never tried any drugs at all, he has had his liver checked several times and usually his enzymes are way up. does anyone have any advise for me, i am willing to do whatever it takes, but his doctor, his family and my husband keep ignoring me and he is a completely different person, it's like he is soleless and empty extremely angry and down right mean most of the time. i just want him back. please if any advise.......thank you

[CollyDog]

Hey - unless your poor husband realizes he has a problem and thus has no desire to stop, there's not really a whole bunch you can do to force the issue!  How many Hyrdro's is he taking honey?

The first step to recovery is a DESIRE to recover by the person who is addicted ~ nobody can make us clean, we have to make that first step all alone!!  I too am addicted to Hydrocodeine and Percocet and have been for two years.  No-one could have made me ever believe that I AM an "addict" ~ I had to realize this myself and did when it finally dawned on me that my sole purpose for living was to get pills and take as many as I could just to "function".  Function being the operative word here.  I, personally, wasn't actually "living" but instead "existing".  Going through withdrawals, if nothing else, has certainly taught me how to feel again and therefore live.  It's an extremely hard road but one definitely worth following - you have to want it so bad like you've never wanted anything in your life before. . .

I pray for your family honey and that your husband realizes what he is doing to himself and to your family.  Until that time, I fear nothing will change.

[t-ray]

thank you, at this point as far as i know he takes around 3-10mg hydro's and 2 white bars, and he drinks anywhere from a 12 pack to a 24 pack of beer daily, until about a year ago he was taking about 20-10mg hydro's a day, so he says that he is not abusing them, i am proud of him for cutting way down, but he is dependant on them to function, and the combo over 6 years has just changed him dramatically. many things scare me about his addiction, i want to be here for him i guess i am just going to have to have another sit down, i have done that so many times, he is sick right now, but doesn't understand....i feel like a crazy lady, well thank you t-ray from texas

[swany]

Wow!!   a 12-24 pack of beer DAILY?!!!!!  Coupled with the medicine he takes, that is gonna wipe out his liver honey!!!  I know you said that he already has elevated liver enzymes.  What does your "friend" say about this?  Does he know that your husband also drinks like this?  That is great that he cut back on his medicine, but along with the alcohol it is all still way, way too much for his liver in my opinion.  I'm an RN.  I only say that to let you know that I do have a medical background.  But, anybody on this forum knows that.  I know that you know this also.  

I know that CollyDog told you that it has to be his decision.  And, I know that you said you have tried to talk with him before.  Man.......I feel for you.  What is your marriage like?  Do you have kids?  I would try talking with him again.  Read Hope's story.  She was just released from the hospital (a couple of pages back), her screename is hopeless.  Maybe you can show your husband her story and the fact that you've posted on here and maybe that will show him how desperate you are for him to quit.

Hope that helped a little.

xoxo
Swany

[t-ray]

The doc that prescribes the meds is one of his best friends and yes he knows how much beer that my hubby drinks, as a matter of fact they go out of town together several times a year, my husband plays the "pain card" due to his past injury and to be honest i dont understand why he continues to prescribe these meds, i am also a nurse and i work home health recently had a 48 yr old pt die from liver failure r/t yrs of substance abuse. well before the addiction, we were best friends, we grew up together, we have 5 children all together the baby is 3 and then 10,12,13,15... at this point he is totally withdrawn himself from me, its like he honestely has no sole, no emotion, well the only emotion is anger, there is no way in hell he will go into treatment at this point, i am trying to get him to into the doc's office with myself to go thru a in home withdrawal, with the proper meds, when he has tried in the pass w/o medical help, tachycardia 160/m,htn, hyperglycemia, and of course all of the rest. at this point he is just hating life, me, the kids and has talked about leaving, if he leaves well i guess he'll just have to go, but i do know that if i can just get through to him, if he would clean up then we would have him back, he is a completely different person. he could be so much more of a person, and has been in the way past, but i feel like i should of stepped in along time ago, to save face, an arguement i had just turned my back, enabled it and he is way far out there. i feel like he is at his rock bottom, at least i hope i can't get any worse than this............thanks t-ray

[swany]

God......I am so sorry.  How horrible for you to see your pt. die and then to come home and look at your husband who you know is just killing himself slowly.  Man, I just don't really know what to tell you.  I can't believe that doctor, your friend, doesn't try to talk some sense into him.  Especially with elevated liver enzymes!!!  

You are really and truly between a rock and a hard place.  Maybe you will have to give HIM an ultimatum (sp?) and tell him if he doesn't stop and get help YOU are going to leave with the kids.  What other choice is he giving you?  You certainly don't want your children to be exposed to him drinking like that, especially if he gets angry and mean!!!  

I wish I could give you some answers.  All I can say is to stay here and talk to people on this forum.  You will get a lot of good feedback.  

I will have you in my prayers and I will send positive thoughts your way.  Hang in there honey!  I know it's hard but I believe that it will have to come to a head, which might just be you leaving.  You might not have any other choice.

xoxo
Swany

[t-ray]

thank you again, i totally feel like that is where we are at, either he is going to clean up 100% or he's gone, but a part of me feels guilty because i promised him whenever he had gotten in the motorcycle wreck on july 21, 2001, that i would never leave him no matter what, that regardless of the outcome i would take care of him, and i have thus far, but i also know that i can't sit back and watch him committ suicide slowly, i quit my job 2 fridays ago so that i could get this stuff straight and i am going to start my new one next tuesday, i havn't really accomplished my goal, i am going to have to put it to him tonight,, its just so weird because i never thought that this it what he would have became, drug addiction is absolutely horrible, and dealing with it for me has been hard,  i have been logging on here for a while just reading messsages and trying to get a better understanding of addiction from recovering addicts, and i have learned a lot, and i finally got up enough nerve to speak up today, i do know that somewhere, somehow it will get better i just really hope and pray that it will happen without leaving him.  well thanks again

[swany]

You're so very welcome.  I wish that I could say something more positive to you.  I still don't want to call myself an addict.  I was prescribed this medicine due to a back injury, herniated disc and a million other things.  I have been taking it for over two years now.  I had it under control until just recently which is when I realized that I was taking way too much of this medicine. That is why I asked you if he still has pain.  I kept taking more and more in hopes of relieving my pain (which of course it will never be totally gone!) and before I knew it, it was out of hand.  That's when I found this forum.  I strictly got on looking for a regimen of tapering down and found this.

So, even though I don't want to say I'm an addict, I have so much in common with everyone here.  I went from taking approx. 20/day (for a short period of time), now down to 8.  So, I can totally relate to having it all of the sudden get out of hand.  Even though it sounds like he has his meds under control (even though everyone on here thinks you shouldn't be taking ANY of it.......I just can't do it with my pain), his drinking is WAY, WAY out of control.  So the combo is deadly.

I understand that you promised him honey and I so feel for you.  No one wants to see their marriage fall apart, but that's NOT your husband.  That's NOT the man you made the promise to.  Maybe you can put it to him like that.  Tell him that you made that man the promise and if he were still here you wouldn't be giving him this ultimatum.  BUT, that guy is no longer here...........now it's this drug-addicted mean guy who you don't want around your children.  Hell, I bet if he were to look at himself (who he is now) years ago....HE wouldn't want that guy around his children!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world with your talk with him.  I don't know if there is any better time to speak with him as opposed to a time when he has a lot of alcohol in him (maybe avoid talking to him at the time when he's drinking).  Good luck honey.  We will all be thinking of you.  You owe it to your children to try and get their father back.  If he refuses to come back, then only you know what you have to do next.

xoxo
Swany