i appogoze

[bama88]

i apologize for my wooden spoon joke....its an old school joke from child hood....i am Russian Jewish and my mothers mother spent all day in the kitchen...and used a wooden to get your attention...lots of time waving it im the air to warn you to think about what you were doing...and it to get your attention....and sometimes you'd get a small smack..it doesn't hurt more to get your attention.....and we don't do that anymore to or kids....its old school or European...i was trying to make dane laugh id like to think of her as my cyber buddy and she hhopefully didst get upset with me...i was only trying to make her laugh....and if i upset anyone with that reference from child hood....i humbley apologize...i have never hit anyone with a wooden spoon....so again i ment no harm.....love bama

[solitary1]

Just like you, I fell in love at first snort as well. All my friends from then on were roxy and opana users. Before that I was friends with the "xanax bar crowd" until the roxies came  because when swinging drug of choice, you swing friends.

[solitary1]

I'm good, I just got up to make a sandwich and contemplated on cleaning up this mess I made from withdrawal, that all came from a burst of energy of being proud of myself for telling my friend no to the Subutex, sh** felt good.

[bama88]

are you still here? stay on the forum.....its crucial today...ok

[solitary1]

I paid $7 for the roxy 30s (long term drug friend who is now in jail for moving 3,000 roxies a week) and the subs were $20 but I was only doing 3 a month. 3 8mg subs a month and I was completely drug free for 7 months.

[solitary1]

He didn't know I quit, I just talked to him about why I'm not taking the pills and he understood completely. He was trying to help because with him, he's dying of terminal illness, did 3 OxyContin 80's for 8 years, and Subutex for 2 years. He needs it because he's still withdrawing badly, I don't.

[bama88]

its a blessing that you made it this far...why waste all that miserable detox just to satisfy his addiction. active addicts want other addicts to stay active..misery loves company...do you mind telling me how much a sub costs? i never took them. i was paying 15 a piece for Roxy 30s. and in the end i needed 4 a day or more...and i had my own medicine...but it was love after first snort

[bama88]

six more stars...its not your place to give money so he can fill has script. i got so tired of giving all my money away. and these so called friends depending on me to buy the scripts and pay their bills...i lost my new car. I've got a sonata 2010.. it broke my heart to know i lost my car to pills....i got it back but still...its an intense feeling when im in the car. a constant reminder. so stay talking to me....its not your place to give your money so he can get his script. your not his bank...and only get a few pills...no. i went Thu that tool. those people are users.

[solitary1]

People like us are the main people who need to be therapists, counselors, teachers, etc. There should be more schooling on drugs than just Sex/Health class. People need to be aware that if they take a drug, they just might like it.

[solitary1]

I got everything from the streets, I was raised on them and had access to anything I wanted as cheap as it came. Now my friend is texting me nonstop, calling me needing my money to get his Subutex script. He's calling right this second, over and over, saying he was counting on me to get them but I needed them Monday. Monday was the day I would have relapsed, not today.

[bama88]

never think of it as a wasted potential...that will lead you back down the dark path.... be glad you have a job. and you have potential.
.you may find a calling...in addiction therapy. i am considering  getting my therapist. degree. what do you thinly

[bama88]

wow you get 6 golden stars... i know about the icky feeling your going thru...just remember its ok not to be ok for awhile...you've got to heal from the drugs. so you were like me buy off the streets? i had a pain management doctor who wrote me oxycontin forties er and roxie 15 twice a day...i flushed 56 pills of both.

this is what truly worked for me...i could not deal with never ever taking a pill...forever is a long time. so k said tanya...your not gonna take am medicine for 90 days...and see how much pain im in....i had a knee replacement in may. super pain..and just had acl surgery on left. but i wanted to see what 90 days would be like...and stuck to it...i sometimes live minute tl minute as im sure you do. at first i dkdnt think id make it...i relapsed three times. three different days. but something changed over 90 days. me. and i dkdnt like being high...so try 90 days..the pills will always be around. they won't go anywhere....make 90 days your goal...and if ya are having a bad day im having one today...i tell myself..tanya your an addict who chooses not to use and get high

[solitary1]

I'm only 27 so I still have my health, which makes things easier for me to withdrawal. I'm so lucky yet so foolish. I have all the knowledge of how to do everything to get what I want in life, my learning curve with technology is ridiculous, yet I have a felony for doing drugs which has held me back from every job I ever applied for. Now I'm stuck at a low paying job (12 an hour, it's the most you can make at this place) where everyone looks at me like "look at this wasted potential".

[bama88]

i too had absentee parent..
my mom. i cam l only imagine the pain and loneliness...i wanted tl escape my house so .bad i went tl Florida for college . im originally from lansing mi and now in Alabama. how old are you if ya don't mind me asking

[solitary1]

Well I'm here because I started snorting the roxy 30s too. That's what got me to the Subutex, now day 6 and the worst is definitely over. I almost feel like I'm completely normal again, but not quite. I still have little energy and I get cold easily with aches/pains, but I didn't take any of my regiment when I woke up this morning, I only smoked to calm my nerves and my stomach. Today I'm not on one single vitamin, no clonidine, no klonopin, just smoking herb. Today, I'm almost normal again.

[bama88]

solitary im glad your here with me instead of that so called friend. and im sorry that your parents don't understand. that makes it harder
if one has not experienced addiction the can NOT RELATE. i smoke ciggs and my nk smoking friends say just put them down...not tjats easy. so don't focus on your parents...its not that they don't want to help and understand....they can't. only another addict gets it. so how many days jade you been off the subs? i heard that they are worst Thames oxycomtin and snorting roxie....so i will support you. and help you. nobody wants to be chaimed to a substance. we didn't wake up one day and say lets become an addict.

[solitary1]

"i believe goals are just dreams until you write them down. i have daily weekly monthly yearly and so forth goals. without goals and structure i get lost...and when im lost i fark up.. "

Exactly

[bama88]

solitary...if you ever need to talk. talk. i will listen and hope im nomjudgentsl....we all want sobriety im our life..it doesn't matter what path you choose to get there...just get there. and its hard staying there. but together we will make it. because we all have a common goal.

i think we give up on ourselves too easy. we want a quick fix. we live in a world of instant gratification. but the big prizes in life the big accomplishments in life take hard work. and anything worth doing is worth doing kt rigjt. when one gives ill on their selves...that's total defeat . and we are as weak as we are strong. so i say never give up. and nobody loves us more then we love ourselves...we only get ome body one brain one soul....so make yourself count. it took me awhile to get that...i was so messed up i thought i was a loser. and if i kept on snorting those roxie. and taking medicine like pack man gobbles up those dots...then id be a looser. even kf i relapse i am not a looser. i am my worst enemy

[solitary1]

You are so lucky for that, my parents "just don't understand it" and never will. My family is on the other side of the fence and once they've figured out you've been on drugs, you're cast out never to be trusted like growing up in the 60s.

[solitary1]

My friend has a boatload of Subutex now and I have easy access to it because he's still my friend (dying of chrones), but here I am talking on a forum instead of going and grabbing more for instant gratification. That's what pills are, instant gratification, and I'm not taking the easy route again.

[bama88]

i still seek approval from my parents and im 41
so i get it
i have had those thoughts too. my mom has been here with me two weeks. going to treatment Sunday or Monday for alcohol. i finally see her as a person with her own battles. and finally forgave her for being absent all these years. i get her now. so now we can begin to heal our relationship. we can start a new one. that's the beauty of life. i feel everyday is a new chance. a new beginning. a fresh start. yes i have long term goals. im ms write your goals down. i believe goals are just dreams until you write them down. i have daily weekly monthly yearly and so forth goals. without goals and structure i get lost...and when im lost i fark up..

[solitary1]

Very well put, and that's why I'm here talking about it today. It's something I'm forcing myself to do because I'm not open with anyone, at all. I'm glad there are good people out there with us in mind to create forums like these.

[bama88]

that's the cool thing about this forum..we all are different yet we have the same problem and goal. i love open passionate discussions. they make us learn...and think...i also believe in karma ....positive gets positive negative gets negative..for ever action there is a reaction...so been Thu i am a follower of Jesus..and im JEWISH...i respect your beliefs as well. its Pepole who don't believe in anything that worry me..ya know...and i believe they believe something..have to...even if you believe in no god..and believe in evolution the person believes in something. i think somethings are too complex to wrap our minds around...heck even if someone believes they are from aliens...see where im gojmg? i love people and love and respect everyone's opinions...i don't  have to agree. but there is no sense not accepting the persons opinion just because its not the same...

[solitary1]

You're right, nobody is perfect. My parents did what they thought was right by grabbing a life of success rather than being there for the kids. It was a novel idea and I forgive them for it, it really wasn't their fault. As I sit in my place alone, it feels like it did when I was a kid waiting for a parent to show up, so I know what you mean about that child still in us. Forgiveness is key, because without it you won't fully heal, I believe in that with you as well.

[solitary1]

See my parents didn't do any of that, it was all my sister. My Mother never touched drugs, went from being thrown out on the street to a well respect and VERY well compensated business woman. My parents were split up so I saw my Dad 5 days a month, a good hearted drug-free man himself.