Aa
I. Hate. Facebook.
I woke up today wondering what fresh hell I was going to run into today. I got it. BIG. I knew I would. I just had to wonder what. My girl posted a picture of us together on Facebook and today my ex's (yeah I'm actually SAYING ex now) sister-in-law commented on it so I went to her page to be nosy. BIG MISTAKE! There was a picture of the whole entire family a couple days ago, well, except for me and my girl. It hit me like a mf'ing train! He looked so happy and smiling and I wasn't there. I obsessed over it and cried my guts out but not for long. I hate Facebook.
It was almost like a miracle. The phone rang and it was my actual husband...yeah I know that's the first time I mentioned him. That's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, he was on his way to get my keys out that I locked in the truck the other night. He's an angel and I don't deserve him. I totally avoid him when I'm getting high then call on him every time I'm trying to get my sh*t straight. And he always answers. Every time. He is one of my biggest cheerleaders. It dried my tears instantly because I remembered I am not alone. He should run as far and as fast as he can the other way but yet he comes. Anytime. I hope he knows what that means to me.
Truck unlocked and he goes because he has work. Always work. But he said he'd be back. Told us don't eat too much and he'll take us to dinner when the work is done. So now I miss him a little. Gotta change my scenery so the girl and me we went for a ride. We ended up at the cemetery. She hadn't been there since we decorated on his birthday in December last year, too long. She was good. I think I cut her short but my stomach was churning and I was wayyyy too far from the potty. Stupid pills. We went by our old house where we all lived together. We saw her papaw. We didn't stop and talk but we waved hello. It was good. Really good.
Now I'm back home sitting here in my room alone thinking about things. I must get my sh*t together this time. I HAVE to. This is trying to kill me and I am about to let it. It would be so easy...
It was almost like a miracle. The phone rang and it was my actual husband...yeah I know that's the first time I mentioned him. That's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, he was on his way to get my keys out that I locked in the truck the other night. He's an angel and I don't deserve him. I totally avoid him when I'm getting high then call on him every time I'm trying to get my sh*t straight. And he always answers. Every time. He is one of my biggest cheerleaders. It dried my tears instantly because I remembered I am not alone. He should run as far and as fast as he can the other way but yet he comes. Anytime. I hope he knows what that means to me.
Truck unlocked and he goes because he has work. Always work. But he said he'd be back. Told us don't eat too much and he'll take us to dinner when the work is done. So now I miss him a little. Gotta change my scenery so the girl and me we went for a ride. We ended up at the cemetery. She hadn't been there since we decorated on his birthday in December last year, too long. She was good. I think I cut her short but my stomach was churning and I was wayyyy too far from the potty. Stupid pills. We went by our old house where we all lived together. We saw her papaw. We didn't stop and talk but we waved hello. It was good. Really good.
Now I'm back home sitting here in my room alone thinking about things. I must get my sh*t together this time. I HAVE to. This is trying to kill me and I am about to let it. It would be so easy...
I keep telling myself that. I keep telling myself my girl is worth it even if I think I'm not some days. It's a b*tch but I gotta keep trying!
That was the last of them. I wouldn't even know where to get one now. I am very serious. I know this is going to kill me. I know. I had a weak moment after several days of hell and I am not proud but please don't doubt my sincerity. I WANT this.
COMMUNITY LEADER
How many different pills do you have laying around? You gotta get rid of ALL pills. I hope you start taking this addiction serious kristi cuz there is no happy ending, death awaits us.
You need to get everything out of the house to avoid the temptation. You are setting yourself up for failure. You need to set yourself up for success!!!
I did a few xanax I found. I wish I hadn't. I'm not proud but what's done is done. I just gotta do better today.
Pretty much. I backslid a little but at least not on my DOC. Today is my birthday and I'm a little worried that I will wanna party. I may just sit here by myself all day because I am proud of myself and don't wanna screw it up now.
Yes, the people here are great. I wouldn't have made it this long without you guys!
I'm sorry I didn't realize. My other post just got so long I started a new one. It is really not exactly I don't think anyway. I'm just venting about what is going on with me. The part at the end about getting my stuff together is about keeping off the pills before they kill me and how hard it is staying away when I got so much else going on. I should have been more specific.
Nope. 10 days today. Well, mostly. No 30's but I have smoked a little weed to knock the edge off. I know, I know.
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