Losing my mind

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My husband went to his first drug counseling meeting today and they made him an appt with a regular doctor for suboxen or nalextrone?, which ever the Doc thinks is best. Heres my problem . He wouldnt let me go with him. Now I just found out aug 22 that hes been lieing to me for at least a year aboyt his relapse which also comes with lots of other lies. He says that he hasnt done anything since that day and has been totally honest with me. But last night when I asked about going with him ,he came off with" no because I dont want to sit there and tell you everyhting I've done." Which I thought I knew. I cant take being lied to another time,especially after a year. Of course theres alot more to it. And he is getting help,am I just suppose to let everything go? If I try to talk to him he just finds a way to turn it around and scream at me. Im honestly ready to 302 myself, I cant live like this. Oh yeah by the way the way I found out is when I looked at my cell phone bill and saw some a number on it like 10-15 times a day and it was some girl that we went to school with. I thought he was screwing around and thats when he told me about the dope and pills and whatnot. But still maybe he was screwing around it seems like every word he says is a lie.

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Heres the thing we split about about 2 years ago and he was running around with (what i thought) was a good friend of mine, I'm trying to cut him a break but at the same time,my parents are addicts and my brother is dead because of heroin and he knew from the beginning how against all of this I am. In my head all I could think is the first time he did it ,I had to have crossed his mind and he had to have said "**** her". I have put up with so much **** from him through our 8 years you have no idea and I just am absolutley sick over this. He wants suboxen because he "only feels good when hes high", so what happens if they give this to him and its time to stop? Hes supposedly been clean for over 2 wks ,what good is suboxen? He can get it from a dr instead of someone off the street, I dont know, it doesnt seem like a big improvement to me. Im sorry if you guys think Im terrible, I feel that way myself. I left for 4 days when I found out and he volunteered to let me drug test him at home and  now for the last 3 days I mention it he goes ballistic and tells me I should have a whip, and so on. I just dont know what to do. I love him to death but I lived with this my whole life and "I HATE IT"

[tooscaredtotry]

I feel very sorry for you. I am an atticd and I know it is affecting my whole faimly. I just now am doing something about it. I wish you the best it is going to be a rough road. i am hooked on pain pill due to an injury and today is going to be my last dose. I might not have the best avice but I could be someone to talk to.I know I have a lot to face myself but I have a big heart. I have to leave now but I will be home at about 11:00 . I will try ro check in if I have it in me . if not I wish you the best.

[retiredrn]

Your post before mine posted before I had a chance to read it and I really think you gave great advice, esp coming from a man's point of view.

[retiredrn]

The passive-agressive behavor you describe is so hard to deal with--like you say, they can twist it around so it's all your fault, never their responsibility.  I feel for you, please keep posting, we care.

[Dimboy]

Give him a break...if he is going to the counseling...let him do so.....talk to him...tell him that you understand and be POSITIVE!!! it will help him and will help you! Drama is not Addiction's best friend! .....Ask him what would make it better??? you sticking around or going away for few days...and depending on his answer.....you will know the ins and outs and will probably clear things out for you and know what direction to go...
Sorry about all that...
GOOD LUCK.....We are here for you.