Why I am I confused about my Mother

[Samuel_L25]

Alright the question is simply right there.  I have a decent relationship with her, but it is definitely not a strong one by any means.  I see her infrequently, and there is little discussion about her being in my life constantly.  I find that this is flawed.  I think it also contributes to my sexual issues that concern her, and other females.  I feel that my lacking relationship with my mother has led me to mistrust females in general, and I do not feel secure around them.  Maybe intimacy scares me, but I really do not know.  I often find myself fantasizing about my mother as well. This, I cannot explain what so ever.  When I go to visit her I tell her my feelings.  I tell her that she is the woman that I feel these desires for, and of course, she finds that this is completely wrong.  I know it is wrong as well.  I need help on answering these questions.  I do not know how I developed in this way, and I have no idea how it became that my mother is, in my eyes, a woman, rather my mother.  Please help me with the issue, I have no idea what to do, and I am completely confused.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

I think you would benefit from talking to a therapist to help you sort out your feelings towards your mother and other females.  With that said, a couple of other thoughts: 1) I realize that this sounds like a cliche, but it is not that uncommon for men to have sexual feelings towards their mothers --  Freud developed a whole theory based on this -- and talking to someone can help you figure out in more detail what those feelings mean, though if I had to speculate (and this is JUST speculation) I think the feelings you have towards your mother are longing for more closeness to her that have become sexualized; 2) The mistrust you feel towards females may have something to do with your relationship with your mother, but I would guess that it is not simply because of your current lacking relationship with her, it likely goes back to earlier in your life.   In order to be a greater help to you, I or another professional would want to know more details about the history of your relationship with your mother, as well as any other caretaking figures (father, grandparents, other family).

[Samuel_L25]

Alright, I want to ask you two questions.  First, have you had similar questions posed before?  Has anyone ever brought this topic up previously?  Second, if the topic was brought up, what did you generally conclude about the individual; just the idea that one could find a physical relationship with one's own family.  What does that mean about someone?

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

If you are asking has anyone ever wanted more closeness from their family before, the answer of course is yes.  As I said in response to your initial post, I think your desire for greater closeness manifests itself as a sexual/physical desire, which while less common is not unheard of.  And I'm not sure exactly what you're asking with the second question, but I cannot conclude anything without having gotten to know someone much better first.  As this relates to you, the only thing I would conclude is that you would benefit from talking to a psychotherapist about your struggles.