Don't know what to do

I have been dealing with what im finally naming as bulima now for about 4 years in the beginning it was off and on but for the last 2 years its become alot worse. I still don't do it every day so i dont know if it is technically but ill go on streaks of bingeing and ourging for weeks or sometimes just the weekend. In between i ll eat healthy but its always an obsession when im not bingeing and purging food is on my mind constantly. I know the calories for everything and i know that in between the purging im probly not eating enough. When i binge i do it in private and ill wait till my roommates are gone and i cant stop ill even eat their food adn then run to the store later to try and replace it before they get home. Anyway im tired of it but i can t stop the obsession. Im still fat and i cant help but feel disgusting ll the time and the only time i really feel good is during the binge and then i feel great after the purge. Im so afraid to tell anyone tonight is the first time i wanted to come clean to someone so i tried to call my mom but she didnt answer so i found this forum because i just wated to tell someone for once. but i dont know what to do i dont even know what its like to feel hungry and just eat like a normal person and thats all i want but i just feel like i need to get skinnier somehow. i also use diet pills and laxatives. its like everytime i lose weight it comes right back and i know its the binge eating but its like i have no control. So i dont know what to do now

[mandy478]

Hi there I feel for you as I am in the same situation...I have been like this since I was 14 I am now 48 and still doing it...I also abuse alcohol as well which isnt healthy...I am now suffering badly with pins and needles all over vitamin deficiencies the works...its not a good place to be and I can sympathise with you...I feel scared to go to the shops I buy food gorge then purge it up...we really need to find a group for discussion...I am alone and that doesnt help either...have you talked to your doctor???  I know its very hard but the sooner we get this under control the sooner we will heal...try talking to your mum I am sure she will be supportive...I wish you al the best and please let me know how you get on..take care