Help! I'm the girlfriend of an aspergers boy!

[rosexred]

He's got aspergers, and sometimes I'm not sure how to help him. I want to help him as much as I can, but sometimes I can't. Mal (we'll call him Mal, it's nothing like his name), recently had an attack, where he went completely...well...scary. He sometimes goes into Fuges (I think is the name of it), where he creates another personality during the attacks. It's never happened to me, but he's become violent during these before, to other people. I'm not afraid of him, but I don't know howw I can help him when he's in a state like that. Do I touch him? A book I read said they don't like to be touched because of sensitive skin.
I just don't know how I can help him through things like that. What do I do to help him? Please.

[hava]

Do this breathing technique with him everytime you meet.I mean both of you do it everyday.Let me know any benefits you notice.I will post more techniques after some feedback.
If you feel tired or dizzy, stop and resume after 1 minute.
Anulom Vilom - Close your right nostril with thumb and deep breath-in through left nostril  
then – close left nostril with two fingers and breath-out through right nostril  
then -keeping the left nostril closed  deep breath-in through right nostril
then - close your right nostril with thumb and breath-out through left nostril.
This is one cycle of anulom vilom.
Repeat this cycle for 20 to 30  minutes twice a day(maximum 60 minutes in one day).
You can do this before breakfast/lunch/dinner or before bedtime or in bed.Remember to take deep long breaths into the lungs.You can do this while sitting on floor or chair or lying in bed.

[MJIthewriter]

I agree with waiting till he camls down. When I'm having an attack the _last_ thing I want is to be touched, grabbed, forced to hold still, etc...  I may not want to talk either.

I have somewhere in the medhelp pages some description and examples of what it feels like to be in an aggressive meltdown...

I get those meltdowns time to time, but I have been getting progressively better once I realize what triggers the feeling and how to cope with it. I guess the best emotion to describe right before a meltdown occurs would be: Overwhelmed? At the point of the meltdown I feel like a trapped wild animal in a corner or a cage... Try to confront me and I may lash out.  If you give me my space I'll probably calm down and tell you later what I didn't like that lead up to the intense emotion I felt.
-------------------------

Differences in naming:  It is a shock at first, but that's something that I suspect will get better with age and maturity.  When I first learned something as a young child I would think that is THE name for the object.  Once I learn there are other names to describe the same thing and that it is perfectly OK, then I relax and don't stress over it.

It used to bother me in school if one teacher taught something one way and then another teacher taught the same thing but disproved the other teacher... I guess at times there are no absolutes... That kind of understanding takes time.

Speaking of which: I just got reminded of my 5th/6th grade art teacher. The word "Purple" was a "bad" word to her and seemed to hurt her ears if uttered by a careless student...  No matter what, blue + red HAD to be called VIOLET... Was she autistic?  I don't know... Some people have some odd quirks...

[rosexred]

Thank you. I mean, I try to speak with him afterwords, and he explains it. I just didn't know what to do in that situation. You've been really helpful.

[Sally44]

I would talk to him about it when he is calm.  He should be able to give you a much better idea of what upsets him and what he would like you to do, if anything, when he is upset.
My son is autistic and he also gets very angry/upset.  Afterwards he can explain to me how he felt when it was happening, and whatever triggers the upset results in them getting flooded with emotion that is totally overwhelming compared to the situation (in our eyes), and they cannot bring it under control for a long time.
An example from my son is that we went to eat at a cafe and he wanted chicken nuggets.  The woman on the counter said 'we don't call them chicken nuggets anymore we call them chicken chunks'.  He started making noises and I knew he wasn't happy and eventhough I tried to explain to him that it was the 'same thing' he didn't know what to do.  So he said 'I'll have fish fingers instead'.  Then the women said 'we don't call them fish fingers anymore we call then fish nuggets'.  Well he just started shouting and screaming at me and this woman and lying on the floor (whilst a queue is building up behind me!).  So I just explained he was autistic, made the order, and went to a table.  It took him a good 10 minutes to calm down, but afterwards we could talk about sometimes the 'names' of things change.  But he cannot apply the reasoning we would use to understand that even though it has changed nuggets and chunks are similar words.  To him they are totally different words and he had no understanding of what the woman was talking about.
Of course your boyfriend will be different.
It might be helpful if you click on the Health Page link and look at the charteristics behind the diagnosis of autism.  This is taken from DSM IV, the diagnostic criteria.  People have posted some examples of behaviour which may help.  You could then google DSM IV for Aspergers and see what the difference is in the diagnostic criteria.
When my son is upset I don't touch him, or try to talk to him because he is already overloaded and anything I do or say is only going to add to that.  Finding a quiet place where they can calm down is usually the best thing.  It maybe that your boyfriend needs to look at his behaviour to try to recognise the signs earlier if he is able so that he can remove himself from the situation.  But knowing what situations are more likely to cause it will be the first step in that.
For another teenager I know it used to be people reaching past him over his shoulder in supermarkets.  Alot of autistic/aspergers people find it hard when they are suddenly approached by someone, especially from behind and even more so if they are accidently touched as well.
Hope that helps.