Going back to work - Feeling Awkward

[Bluetwo]

Last March I went into a mania state. My old med's were not working and I was put on moodstablizers. I also went into a mixed state too. I remain on them until the end of the school year. I know the staff knew I had difficulty last school year because I was very apparent in my hyper behavior and then being zoned out with the moodstablizers. I wasn't acting myself. I'm sure I stuck out like a sore thumb.

It's hard to look at your co-workers in the eye without feeling awkward!
It's hard to act nonchalant and act like nothing happen especially when it all happen right at that school!
I just acted a little crazy!

[mags22]

Yes it can really be a yo yo ride, and for a while I didn't think I would ever be able to face working or seeing people I knew.  But your right, the dark days do always come to an end if we can hang in and be patient and be kind to ourselves.  That was a struggle for me initially as I always thought I was even worse off it I wasn't working, but after a while learned that if I really took the time to get better and take care of myself first, that then eventually I could go back to work, and now I'm doing a better job than I was 3 or 4 years ago when I thought I was perfectly healthy:)

Hope things get sorted out with your meds, talk with the pharmacist as well, as they might have some insights into that information.

[ILADVOCATE]

Every medication has adverse side effects including asprin. Adverse side effects are ones that are statistically rare. You should be concerned about common side effects. If its an uncommon side effect it depends what the statistical rate is. Some current antipsychotics have a problem with heart arrythmia and that's why they have a black box warning but many people take them without any problems. That's a standard antipsychotic and if your psychiatrist feels it might be beneficial it would be worth trying but if you are concerned about any side effects long term or short term feel free to ask them about it.

[clarabella]

tell me about the yo yo ride. i am hysterical, crying one minute extreme laughing the next. you stick in there it sound like you are getting there. there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I believe, that,  In these dark times I try to remember that I have been bad and got better before so I will do it again. you will get through this and sound like you are. claire

[clarabella]

Hi Mags, I have just joined this site this am. I am having an episode at the minute but im not psychotic this time just having extreme highs and lows. I am also off work sick. I have been on amisulpride for a while but yesterday my consultant put me on aripiprolex or something I have been to scared to take it as said in the leaflet an uncommon not (rare) side effect is sudden unexplained death. I have enough rationale just now to know drug companies need to see these things but that is because someone has died from it in the past. i'm just so worried.

thanks to all in advance
claire
edinburgh

[Bluetwo]

Thanks for your post. I'll try my best but this been the worst eposide yet! Gee...where do I start??
I didn't have much of a summer off. The pdoc put me on Lamictal  May 1st because I was experiencing mixed moods. It started to work by mid June then I broke out in a rash. I went to the emergency room to get that fixed up. I  spent most of my time in bed sleeping for two weeks. By July 20th the pdoc put me back on my old med's and that took another 6 weeks to get the full effect.

I still haven't stablized yet because the quick mixed moods are now bouts of depression and manicky states. My husband tell me it will take time. The school sub coordinator is trying her best to accomindate me until things get settled down.

I'm still subbing but it's been a yo-yo ride for me.

[mags22]

HI there,

I also returned to teaching this year after almost 2 years off--three hospitalizations and lots of treatment later.   Most people at my school know in fine detail everything I went through and did while I was depressed, as when I was manic--not at work but still with access to a computer--I sent very detailed descriptions and commentaries of what I was doing while off on leave.  Highly embarrassing once I was stabilized and read through my sent messages.

That being said my colleagues are understanding and supportive and I just approach it all with a very good sense of humour.  I don't believe in hiding the fact that I have a mental illness.  Why should I discriminate against myself and have to sensor myself in that way.

I hope you have a great time back at work...just set limits and boundaries.  I leave school by 4 each day, keep organized and ask for help if I need to borrow lessons or ideas etc.  There is a way to make teaching easier, and this year I'm determined to simplify, and keep health and balance..  I hope you can do the same....and I hope I still feel this way come June!!!  All the best

[Bluetwo]

Know how you feel. It's like having gawkers when you have a major car accident on the highway. Everyone slows downs and relieved its not them.

The statistics for burnout teachers is pretty real. New teachers will leave the profession within five years to go into other professions. I guess many might be scared of that fact. They have invested all kinds of money to get their education and certification. It's better be in denial?

I've been doing subbing for nearly 10 years. I still go back in the arena for more.  I feel like a Banshee sometimes.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

When I had a break down at work everyone found out about it pretty fast but they all acted like nothing had happened.

[ILADVOCATE]

Whether you disclose or not is up to you. As I've stated if you need a reasonable accomodation you only need to do so to you supervisor. If people ask or stare at you, you don't have to explain but sometimes its a good to disclose in a positive manner that will help people understand what having a psychiatric disability is like. You need not and should explain the details but just that the time off was for recovery and that it helped.