Breast Cancer Expert Forum
Suspicious Abnormality on Mammogram
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Well, my bag is packed ready to go.  I went and bought pink converse tennis shoes with pink shoe laces and pink socks, this will be my standard chemo attire.  Decided I needed to have a nickname in the chemo chair, thought I would go with the gal with the pink shoes and socks.  The kids helped me pick them out.  The socks are black with pink skull and cross bones, emblematic of the poison about to be pumped into my veins.  
My husband went with me to my week check up at the surgeons today... it was very traumatic, for me at least.  I had only let him see my chest in brief passing or when he was checking the drains, but today he saw it in it's full blank glory.  I, of course began to sob... he just smiled, the surgeon cried, (she's a softy trauma surgeon woman... a very odd combination).  He said, "you look beautiful."  Dr. B. agreed, said, "so many women ask me why they are so lumpy and misshapen after a mastectomy and I have to say it is because you are fat... you are seeing your muscles for the first time."  She says, it is such a pleasure to operate on someone who is not fat.  My husband is beaming.  I don't know whether or not this is a compliment.    Anyway, my chest is just a big blank with two 6 inch long suture lines, very neatly done, like a fine quilt, obviously a woman did the work!.  It was a very odd, endearing, conversation between two surgeons admiring each other's work and wife!  
So, I'm ready to go.  Have a bad feeling about chemo.  I am pretty sensitive to medications, like the dilaudid during surgery, so might be puking my guts out come tomorrow afternoon.  But I hope for the best.  Went to the store and bought suckers, Sprite, and very expensive VOSS water, a whole case as a treat.  If any of you had not had this before, try one bottle.  It is very good.  
They say not to eat anything that you really like the morning before your first chemo treatment, because chances are you will never eat it again.  Any suggestions what I should have for breakfast?
I'm thinking bacon and eggs, then I will never have to worry about a fatty breakfast again.  Give me your best suggestions.
Well, I feel like when I sign off, it is time to go.  How will I sleep tonight?
Will post tomorrow, then you will know I made it through.  If no post, you will know things not going so well.  Maybe I will have McDreamy post for me.  Would be funny to see what he would write.
Be well friends,
Tammie
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Tomorrow is the day.  Praying that everything goes well with you, about getting filled up with the Holy Spirit, I know you are, because the fruits are:  love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  Maa, I know you have all of them.  Those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  The Holy Spirit doesn't build character, but rather it transforms it.   "Without God, our week is:  Sin day, Mourn day, tears day, Waste day, Thirst day, Fight day, Shatter day.  Maa, someone in Iraq wrote this to my daughter, and she sent it to me via e-mail.  Well, I will be praying for the best news tomorrow, snowtree
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I am so glad your son is going back tomorrow, I wish the best for him and you, he must love you a lot, you seem to be a very caring mother, one who goes to the games and show that you care, by been there you are establishing a great connection to him.  JoyGirl, sometimes my 19 years old son wants to talk to me and maybe I'm busy, but I always stop what I'm going to listen to him, because I know there are a lot of mothers out there, that wish for their son to talk to them, I think of all those mothers that have a son in Iraq, and it breaks my heart, even though my daughter is still there, at least she can call me twice a day and also e-mail me everyday, there is nothing that I don't know about her, even though sometimes I wished I didn't know it all, but she chooses to tell me.  I am appreciating relationships more, because of the scare I had, (biopsy), I really was a little disconnected before, even though I was always here for them, but not emotionally.  Anyways, thank you for sending me healing energies.  God Bless
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Found this forum tonight for the first time.  Loved the support given by so many people.  Friday had the first mammogram since lumpectomy last October and I think there is a problem.  No results yet but when they walk you out with an arm around your shoulder, that spells trouble to me.  Like everyone in the forum says, waiting is very hard.    Will keep you posted if I can find this forum again.  For me, things just disappear from the computer.  Did put it in my favorites file so maybe I can find it again.  Love you all and good luck to all.  Shirleybux
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About the pink converse tennis shoes, pink shoe laces and pink socks, I have to say something, check this out:  I would buy myself pink stretch pants, the ones that go to your knees (capri) and pink shirt, earrings, (don't know if you can wear make-up), but if you could then pink lipstick and pink hair barrets, I mean everything pink (even though I don't like the color), I must admit that what you are doing is pretty cool, I'll take it to the extreme and wear everything pink, even my panties, lol.  About letting your husband see your bare chest (no problem there), I'm pretty sure he saw the whole thing before and loved it, because he loves you, if it would've been the other way around, you know how you would've reacted, in the same way he did, bigger than life love surpasses the minor inconveniences.  Tammie, I thought of something:  "make believe"  that you don't have to do anything else for the rest of the year, like for example:  Chemo (is hard), doctors (hard), puking (hard), the good part comes now:  Being closer to your husband (good), not having to do dishes (good), no house cleaning (good), being pampered by mom, dad, mother-in-law (good), hugged and kissed by son and daughter (good), being able to enjoy your family without the cares of the world, like "shopping and other waste of time" (good),  you see?  The good prevails over the bad, what I mean Tam is "that this ordeal that you are having to live, can be of great advantage to you if you can think of it as a breakthrough.  About what to eat for breakfast, well, I have a few suggestions:  Avoid coffee, colas and tea, if I was you I would eat a blueberry muffin or oat meal, I don't know Tammie, but I think that if you eat something unhealthy it might make you nauseous after the chemo.  Also, DON'T use a mouthwash with alcohol (listerine), a mouthwash with baking soda is non-irritating, or rinse with walm salt water after meals and before bedtime.  Also, if you feel anxious about all these, maybe your husband can find out about using a chill pill before the chemo, Tam, I'm just suggesting, I really don't know, just giving you ideas.  Ginger Ale (good for not puking).  Last but not least, I know you will come out feeling great, but anyways we want to hear from McDreamy, it would be nice if he can write, at least a little bit, from his point of view.  Wishing you the best Tam, I wish you didn't have to go through this at all, but.  MAY GOD HOLD YOU IN HIS ARMS while you are having the chemo.  So long.
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Welcome here, I am so glad you found us.  You are writing to the queen of disappearance, if something would ever happen to this computer, that would be the end of my blogging, there is no way I would know how to find it back.  I don't know much about anything electronic, I'll get an "F" in computers.  Well, about the arm around your shoulders, no, that can be that you are very sweet and the nurse was sweet as well, don't go by that.  My surgeon gave me a big hug and so did her nurse, before I left her office, a week before my biopsy, after just checking my left breast, I thought exactly like you, I said, huh, that is very weird, why did they hugged me, I most have something bad.  It was benign, so.  Anyways you let us know about the results when ready, meanwhile you can stay with us while we pray for you.  A friend in Christ, snowtree
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Beautiful name.  First of all don't be afraid, no need to.  Nowadays almost everyone gets an abnormal (irregular) result in their mammos.  Sleep peacefully, don't let this bother you, like I always will say:  BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD, awesome God.  Nikka, you came to the right place, we are like a church here, we love Christ will all of our hearts and we pray, that's what we do better.  I've been getting abnormal (irregular) mammos since I was 27 years old, I am now 46, still here, still praying, and still getting worried everytime, not as much as in the beginning, though.  I'll be surprise if I ever come out of there with a (no problem) result, I'll think they made a mistake.  Anyways, once again DO NOT WORRY until October 4th, think of happy things, like JoyGirl says, she is very positive, maa is a prayer warrior, she loves Christ with all of her heart, she is going through hard times now, so we need someone else to pray for her, she is going to the surgeon tomorrow at 4:00 pm, I'm pretty sure she will be praying for you too.  Stay with us, we'll pray for you.  A friend in Christ, snowtree
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Thank you so much for your wonderful advice and all the support...  I felt so alone in this, but no more...thank you.  My thoughts and prayers to all of you and a special prayer for maa so that God  guide the hands of her surgeon.  
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I LOVE all the PINK.  How fun.  What great energy you project.  That will help with your healing!  
I think that is good advice not to eat your favorite thing for breakfast.  I agree with Snowtree, you should eat something healthy.  Try extra hard to avoid fast food or junk food - it will do nothing for your healing, unless you need an occasional "comfort" food to treat yourself.  Try to celebrate you and while you are sitting in that chair, glowing with pink, healing, survivor energy, try to think about all the wonderful things that have happened to you in your life.  All the good memories from your childhood, teen and adult life.  Take a moment to appreciate each one of them. Think of all the great things that have happened with McDreamy and your kids.  Think of all the good you have to offer the world.  Think of the difference you have made for us on the forum as well as the difference you will make for many women in your community because of all of this.  Appreciate all the wonderful people you have in your life.  Be grateful for all of it.  Even think of that nasty poison as a super pink healing juice that will cleanse and purge your body of any remnants of the cancer cells.
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Keep believing in healing and good luck with the plastic surgeon today.  I am glad they moved it up, less waiting, worrying and wondering.  Anxious to hear how it goes.  Will continue to pray for your healing.
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How are you doing?  Have you told your mom yet?  If so, How did that go?  
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How are you doing?  How did it go with the surgeon?  Even though Nikka is new to this forum she is praying for you, so is Super Positive Energy JoyGirl, bless her heart.  So is everyone else, because we all love you and wish you the best.  I believed in a new miracle for you, was it?  Maa, like I said before (if not), then God's mercies are sufficient for the day, I hope your distress turn into joy and your faith into healing.  Blessings,  blessings, and more blessings to you!  snowtree
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I'm glad you are not feeling alone anymore, I came to this forum feeling the same, and no more for me either.  I'm filled with delight ever since I have all of you for my friends.  God Bless
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Thank you for thanking us, but really God is the One to be thanked.  We were all praying for you and you deserved to be healed, this was another miracle, you are very nice, I hope you can come back every so often.  You are also full of positive energies, I felt that, and just the fact that you took time to thank us says a lot about you.  Congratulations!!!!!!!!  I am very happy for you.  Hope next time you come back is to say hi to us.   May God lead your way.  A friend in Christ, snowtree
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I love when you write, you are full of inspiration, always worrying about all of us.  You are sweet and caring.  May good things happen to you.  snowtree   PS  You are in my prayers.
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Today I was in Target and thought of you, good thoughts.  Can you believe that they have pink pans and pots, spatulas, baking stuff for the regular oven?  I did not believe it, I must admit "I kind of liked the pink this time", I think is because the cause is good, it benefits everyone with this disease, I think I was selfish before.  Tam my favorite color is red, I don't buy things, only on rare occasions, but everything I buy has to be red, don't know why I'm attracted so much to that color.  Like a few years ago I was attracted to white and blue, I bought a few things and ended up giving them all away, loss cause, I don't like things.  Well, enough of me.  How are you feeling?  How was the chemo?  How is McDreamy and the kids doing today?  I've been praying for you and maa with fervor, in the mornings and at night, at night I pray harder, when everyone is sleeping.  What did you eat for breakfast?  I hope something healthy.  A warm hug from me.  snowtreet
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Your son is going back today, how is he feeling about that?  Well, I know the answer, I'm glad for him, and glad for you too, because I know his happiness is yours also.  Let me know how it went.  I read your comments and I enjoyed each one of them, because I know they come from a sincere person.  Good blessings to your son.  snowtree
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He is happy to be at football right now, as I type.  I pick him and my other son up (they are on the same team) in an hour.  Thank you for your comments and your concern.  Just thought of something, how you like red, well when you mix the healing white light of Christ in, you get pink!
I have a feeling you will be giving away your red stuff one day and buying pink. :-)
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I'm glad for him, I didn't know your other son was in the same team, how cool is that.  How old is your other son?  Is true about the healing white light of Christ, how soothing that sounds, I imagine it to be the white light of Christ and His blood equals pink, nice thought.  I still have to bring myself to like the color pink, why, why, is just not in me, I've like so many different colors, like green, yellow, purple, brown, white, black, everyone of those are beautiful but not pink and not beige, those are aweful colors to me.  There was a lady in "Law and Order" that had everything in her life red.  Her apartment had red furnishings, kitchenwear, art, her clothes were all red, even her lipsticks, how crazy is that.  JoyGirl, I am asking my husband why he thinks I like red so much, and I can't believe what he said.  He asked me if I knew after 25 years of marriage what his favorite color was, and I said blue, (just guessing) and guess what, his favorite color is also red, but because he doesn't express his feelings too well I never knew.  Wow, that blew my mind away, lol.  Bye
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maybe he likes red because you do or all the red stuff has grown on him.  wow 25 years is a long time. i've been married 17.
i just picked up the boys from football, the other one is 13.  I also have a 15 year old.
anyway, the 11 year old did pretty well, he said he was breathing a little heavier than normal but happy to be back in the game.  looks like he is just fine.  sorry i am not capitalizing tonight, just lazy.
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I can't stay away from this thread...  There's so much positive support here it's addictive! My time is limited so my post is short, but I think of you and pray for you daily.

Tamknit,  and maa64, you are so strong. Thanks for sharing and updating us.

Nikka and Shirley, the waiting game is very hard, but look at all the benign results in this group. Praying for you both.

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Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.  My prayers are with all of you, but especially Tamknit at this time.  You are very brave.  Shirleybux
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I have a little time now b4 I go to bed.  Its been a busy week and right now Im running on the little scared side.  Here is the update.

Tuesday, I met with the Onc.  I was very nervous and he seemed really nice.  I went into his office where he talked to me.  He explained DCIS and doesnt think I need chemo which I agreed with him.  I felt a little over-whelmed and started tearing but not a full blown jag.  He offered the kleenex box.  He said youre young and you will be able to live your life to the full extent (or something like).  He gave the odds of 99.9% curable rate.  When he left to ready me for the exam, the nurse took the BP (yes high), weight and height and into the room for exam.  He felt around then took my BP again and it was going down a little.  After that, back to his office.  He  said that he will take a look at the x-rays and see if he would change in any way anything he told me.  He came back and said no.  He had the front office schedule me to see him 2 weeks after surgery.

Today, I went to the Rad.  My BP was lower, but still a little high and the nurse said thats normal so no big concern there.  Dr Rad came in after looking at my x-ray.  He had a slight concern about an area.  Heres the story.  I have one main area where most of the calcs are, then another area not too far away from them with not as many.  He did say that not all calcs are necessarily "bad".  He made 3 diagrams:  one was a breast with Lobular whatever, the 2nd one was of DCIS, and the 3rd was DCIS plus invasive.  He said that first their is a lumpectomy (I will have 3 wires he said), then if need be theirs a re-excision, then if need be, the big M (my way of saying it).  He actually called my surgeon and talked to her about what his concern was on my x-ray.  He definitely thinks that radiation will come into play, and I think that is what the surgeon said too because she did bring that part of it up.  He said to me to not be surpised if their is a portion missing after the lump.  I think he said sometimes theirs invasive with it too and testing the nodes or something.  Maybe he wants me to see the whole picture.  He did ask me if I wanted to take the diagram, and I said No.  He said good!!  While I was scheduling my next appt with the nurse, my dr was calling to request that the x-rays get back to the lab so she can see them.

Tomorrow, I go to my dr for the EKG, and Monday I meet with the surgeon again.  I will be having alot of uneasy questions for her I believe.

Theres my update for now.  Gotta hit the sack so I can get up early.  I will say this, I dont mind leaving work early (1:00), but I sure hate the reason.  I want to get this behind me so bad!!!

Last night, I felt pretty good and more easier, tonight Im a little more arrrghhhh.  
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Hello!
Went to plastic surgeon yesterday. It is quite embarrassing to undress and get pictures of your breasts then see them on a tv screen. The poor girls they nursed 4 kids and I am not very large (hence why no lumpectomy) (also in two quadrants)
Tamknit as far as mammograms - I believe you are finished with them. I was told that but I will double check that today.
I am a good candidate for where they pull a muscle out of your back(latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction) and pull it to the front. I have fat on that muscle (LOL) but I am not overweight. I don't smoke (he won't even touch me if I smoked - also if anyone smokes new reason to give it up - it complicates surgery 85% of the time) also low blood pressure and I'm young. Actually girls I am young and healthy they all tell me that and I always have to roll my eyes. anyway down side some women report that doing vigorous exercise like the butterfly stroke and swinging a golf club well they have difficulty doing that. Also down time is 5-6 weeks of not lifting above the head. But the breast looks more natural.
breast implant(s) - The plastic surgeon said now is the time your time if you want to make any changes to your breasts. Perky and bigger. If they do one side then they could do the other and the insurance has to pay. the only thing is you have to get them replaced in 10 - 15 years. Not a major surgery but have to get them replaced. My husband said that by then they'll probably have something better. Also doctor won't do the operation where you take muscle and fat from stomach he said after 3 years you'll get a bulge in your stomach. Could do the one where you take fat and blood vessels from stomach reattach to breast but very expensive takes 6 hours under anesthesia(sp?) and that increases your chances for complications. Also 4 days in ICU and then you are off your feet for 4-5 weeks. He just thinks it is too intensive of surgery for a reconstruction.
I am a good candidate for immediate reconstruction.
does anyone know anyone who had the back reconstruction? Does anyone have any opinions?
Shirleybux - try not to read more into things than are really there - everyone rubs my back - just the mere thought of cancer freaks everyone out.
Labhusky - I am praying for you. You are going through a lot. I think the frustrating part is that it takes so long to get all the pieces to the puzzle.
Also girls - great news - my plastic surgeon said that every day there are new breakthroughs for breast cancer. He believes that his breast reconstruction days will soon be over and all will be treated with chemotherapy. The cure rate is great for breast cancer. He said that the information on the disease is just exploding - He hopes that we are on a 5 year course for a complete cure. He is really excited about the prognosis of breast cancer. Pray gals hard this disease is on it's way out!!!!!
Labhusky while it looks dim right now the road is hard Hear 99.9% cure rate - CURE RATE! thank GOD!
Tammie I am praying for you. You are so strong and I admire your courage.
Joygirl - thank you for your kind words and prayers.
Thank you all for your prayers. I will let you know when my surgery date is. Find out Monday go back to surgeon.
Also this is all out patient - and this surprised me the reason why is to reduce possibility of infection. They can control what happens in their own operating room. When I asked why outpatient He said to avoid staff infections, other infections, etc. He said it was to keep me away from people with other illnesses. They have a higher success rate of no complications by sending you home. Ain't that wild?
Take care all, me and Tammie, and Labhusky will be your resident experts soon!
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Wow, 99.9% cure rate.  You've got this licked girlfriend.  Now it is just getting through all the procedures.  One appointment at a time (just like AA uses One step at a time for there "motto"), for us, it's One Appointment at a Time (OAT). It is reassuring to me that it sounds as if your doctors are really on top of things and communicating to each other, taking each others advice, working as a team, etc.  That is a good thing.
OK, the burning question....Have you told your mom or thought more about how you are going to do that?
I could imagine that my mom would say, why didnt you tell me? I was prepared to say that I needed to get all of the answers first (prognosis/diagnosis).  Thankfully, I never had to go there and never did tell my mom.  I figured if I tell her now, everytime I don't talk to her for a few days (avoiding) she will worry that something is wrong.  We are all always mothers first.  Anyway, I did tell my sister about the whole ordeal and glad that I did.  She should know my history for genetics reasons.
ALL
I also told my sister about this forum and that I still blog here.  She said, you shouldn't do that, you should stop going there because there is too much negative energy and you will be attracting more illness into your life. Quite the contrary.   I had to explain to her the tremendous stregnth of all the woman here and the incredible healing that goes on just between us, the friendship, caring, and tremendous amount of positive energy in this particular blog.  This is an amazing site because of all of you.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  Make today a beautiful day.
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I'll bet that would have to be uncomfortable having your breasts up on a TV screen for all to see. I guess it is life's way of preparing you for all the exposure you will be getting.  Sort of like before you have a baby and you keep waking up in the middle of the night - like life's way of getting you ready to sleep lightly when the baby comes....
I have not heard of anyone having the surgery where they use the lat muscles.  sorry.
I guess my only comment there is do you swim or golf?  If so, you may not want to jeopardize that.  Your call.
I know the breakthroughs in plastic surgery are amazing.  It is almost like the electronics field.  I guess for right now all you can do is take all the information you can and make the best decision possible.  Then go with it.  If something better comes up down the line, when you feel ready to do it, go for it.  Good luck with  your decisions. I will pray for divine guidance and clarity for you.
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I am having my reconstruction on October 19th. I am having the expanders. You can go to breastcancer.org, then community support and join the discussion board there. Scroll down to breast reconstruction and you can get much support there. You can also search me (my log in name there is idobelieveinfaries) or I'll find you if you log in under the same name and I will send you some picture sites so you can see some of the ladies results. Hope this helps. I wish you well.
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Talked to my surgeon's office and they do mammogram the breast wall every 3 years. At least that is what my doctor does. I wish you the best and I am praying for you. I keep thinking of my situation and I had this all start 8/7/07 and I just keep wondering when will this nightmare end. I am sure that is what you are feeling - you are just further down the road than me. May God be with you, know we are praying and maybe you can talk Mcdreamy into taking you on a vacation after this is all finished. It is easier to run the race if you have something positive to look forward to when this hellish nightmare is over. Take Care, worried about you, God bless.
maa
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maa, you are highly esteemed by me, I'm pretty sure by all of us.  Just like JoyGirl, I've never heard of that procedure before, but then again, everything changes to the better, all of the time, that's why I'm liking pink now.  Maa, in a way is good that your girls are small, so you don't have to have a lumpectomy, I'm a 38-C, sometimes a 36-C, but only sometimes.  I used to be a 32-A when I married my husband 25 years ago.  Remember, when they say no lifting is "no lifting", maa, we have to obey the doctor, because we may harm ourselves, so you can't lift any of your children, YOU CANNOT LIFT A GALLON OF WATER OR MILK, I did, and I almost cried of the pain, like 3 days after my last biopsy.  Try not to lift those juice cartons, either, I mean really take care of yourselves.  I've read of women that don't take care of themselves right after surgery, and it gets ugly, don't let that happen to you, please.  I am glad you are a great candidate for immediate reconstruction.  Is better outpatient, because is true, staff infections are prevailing lately, yes very true.  My mother got septic in the hospital, right after her uterus cancer.  She is fine from that, but no, you don't want that.  Let us know as soon as you have a surgery date.  Blessings, snowtree
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Today I'm a nervous wreck, it must be all the vitamis I'm taking, a lot of energies YES!!!, but a lot of craziness too.  I asked my son, are you sure what you are giving me?  He told me yes.  Are all your children boys?  Nice age 11, 13 and 15, God bless them all.  Can you believe that my son thinks he got a hernia? Lifting weights with his legs, his upper body is big and strong, but his legs and not so big, nice though, but no super big, now I had to take a doctor's appt. for October 8, to see a doctor.  I can't even keep up with so many appts.  My refrigerator is not big enough, I'm going to start filling my walls with my organization method, small colorful papers everywhere, even in the walls.  Hey JoyGirl, I saw the other day a de-clutter magazine and this lady had a studio apartment (my dream by the way) and she made a big shelf, wall to wall (custom made I mean) and she had all her belongings in that shelf, it had about 40 to 50 compartments, that would be my dream come true.  I need structure and organization in my daily life, maybe because I never had it when I was small, but even when I was small (besides drugs and sex) I always admired hippies, I was one myself, until I was like 17 years old, I used the head bands, colorful clothes and adored them, I had a  20 something year old family member that was a full blown hippy, everyone disliked him except me, he always had time for me, he never had too much in his agenda, so I used to dance ballet in front of him and he played the piano, never saw him again, because my mom took me away from that side of the family, but I miss him still, bless his heart wherever he is.  Well, I'm sorry, but I had to take this out of my chest.  God Bless you friend.
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I adore the way you write, always interesting, is like you take us on this joy ride, I mean your wording.  You can even make a simple apple pie interesting, is like reading a beautiful book, love it.  I rejoice over the news that you have a 99.9% cure, radiation is not so bad and it really works.  Try to get that BP down, not sweating the small stuff in one way, the other way is cutting down on that Mocha, I know you love it, but.  How was your EKG today?  Let us know, and please keep writing, you uplift our Spirit, plus we love you.  Snowtree
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Just want to say that thank you for investing your time with us, I mean investing because we pray for you and those prayers have good returns.  Always so caring and always so full of info. wise ones.  Are you having your mammo soon?  Let us know.  Sincerely, snowtree
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Glad you found us again.  Have you heard anything yet?  Thank you for your prayers.  Keep posting.  Will be praying for good results.  A friend in Christ.
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I'll be praying for you for the October 19th reconstruction surgery.  Thank you for caring for maa, and giving her options and ideas, that's what works in this blessed forum, we are here for each other, like I said before, when one doesn't know something the other one does.  A Christian community, what can I say?  We raise God's name up high, how it should be, and we see His miracles and compassion for all of us.  I love Him.    Hey boninclyde, I don't understand too much about this, but are you still taking the Tamoxifen, how was it?  Or how is it going with that?  You told us once that Knowledge is Power, keep bringing your knowledge to us.  How are your kids and husband doing?  Well, this year is definitely better than last one, you are so much ahead than all of us, and still you are here with us.  I myself thank you for that.  Blessings sent your way from me.  On October the 19th we'll be here for you.  snowtree
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Well girls... and guys, If I did not have bad luck, then apparently I would have no luck at all.  Thursday morning, I am there bright and early for my chemo, dressed like the pink chemo bag lady.  The nurses access my port without difficulty, draw blood, then take me to see the onc.  Dr. H. takes one look at me, and says... "what, are you kidding me."  You see, I still have drains hanging from my chest from the mastectomy.  They are putting out too much drainage, so have not been able to get rid of them.  Dr. H. says... "I would never give white blood cell destroying chemo to someone with open sewage drains hanging from their chest, the risk of infection is too great."  WHAAA.... My husband has his "I am a doctor, I should have thought of this" face I have my "I'm all pumped up, lets risk it!"  Instead, we took the needle out of my port and slunk home.  So, chemo is scheduled at 0800 on Monday.  Husband will pull drains no matter what tomorrow.  One good thing about having a doctor husband, you don't have to go to as many appointments.  
Believe me, I have renewed my rx for Valium again and I am ready to dose Sunday night.  I have my appointment for my head shaving on Oct 8.  I will shave it before it falls out in clumps.  I have about 16 inches of hair, so will donate to locks of love.  
Well, thats the story. I hope your luck is better than mine.
Immediate reconstruction was not an option for me because of the upcoming radiation, however when I do have the girls replanted, it will be 32B's like usual, just enough to fill a small jog bra, probably just small implants, with maybe very small expanders.  I am looking forward to the pink tattoed nipples and areola.  Maybe I will get "glow in the dark" or  "sparkles" as a treat for Mc Dreamy.  One thing that surprised me is how numb my breast area is.  I wonder if this goes away?  Probably not.
Well, I will post more soon,
Be well.
Tammie
PS.  I decided on blue frost Gatorade for breakfast, just really wanted to see blue vomit, and who cares to ever drink that dreaded stuff again..!
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Tammie, I love your sense of humor, but blue gatorade?   EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!  Sounds like you may be feeling better and thats great!!!!

Maa, good luck to you Sounds like you are going through your own adventure there and I think the adventure we picked for ourselves we all feel comfortable with.  Right Ladies???  For me lumpectomy and thankfully Im a 38D, and I pray for clean margins 1st go around.

Snowtree, youre so sweet!!!  How can I be uplifting spirits cause Im writing it the way I am feeling about going through all this horrendous adventure.  Probably the mind of a child and panic.

Which brings me to this-UGGGGH.  O.K.  I went for my EKG this afternoon-a piece of cake!!!  The Dr wasnt in but of course the nurse can do that and actually when I got up on the table to lay down, I could have fallen asleep, I was so relaxed.  I think it took a total of 5 minutes.  Afterward, I said it sounded good.  She said, its good.  SO I think I dont have anything to "worry" about there.  Now, get this!!!  The surgeons office called me and said that I needed to get an MRI.  Gloria said, "Not to alarm you because its standard for calcifications."  Ladies, I go TONIGHT at 8:30.  I wasnt expecting this, but maybe its a good thing?  Ok Ok, its standard.  See the panic in my writing here?  Its 5:10 right now, and its going to be dark when I drive over to the MRI place.  I will write in when I get home from that and let you know how that went.  Dont know if Ive had one or not before.
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Don't panic - I think it is standard procedure. And by the way my first mri showed suspicious for the first mri - then my mri biopsy came clear in the right breast. Calcifications now if they see them they are gonna check you out thoroughly. Standard procedure. I believed for complete healing and my right breast came back clear and they were really worried. Believe the report will be clear! In Christ's Name.

Tamknit - I am so sorry that you are going through this, to be ready for chemo I mean mentally prepared as you were and then have to go through that prep again---- UGGGGGH! Bless you, you are enduring one of the hardest trials a woman could go through. Take care. Wish I were there to help you out. Did they want you to actually eat anything when you are there getting chemo. One of my friends had chemo and she actually ate while she was receiving the chemo. Not what I would call a pleasant dining atmosphere. I think your doctor was a little blunt - no one want to hear about sewage. Yuck! You, mam will be the strongest person I know once this trial is behind you. Take heart. Your sense of humor is in tact.

Labhusky - I am praying for clear margins. Let us know.

Snowtree - a studio apartment! You are serious about minimizing. I get it though - if anyone would rob my house they would be hard pressed to find anything of value! Not a lot of jewelry, not much electronics, etc. I just never needed much - just my family. I could have been a hippie too (minus the drugs and sex too) When we were picking things out for the house instead of looking at all the features on it - I would ask the salesman - yea but how does it clean? Is it gonna be a lot of work to clean it! LOL I'm either smart or lazy! I learned in photography class and applied this to my life when picking out a camera - if you don't need the feature on the camera or know your not gonna use it - don't buy it, look for a simpler and cheaper camera - because it is just one more thing that could break on your camera. Held that advice from college - all my life. If I don't need it I don't buy it. Snowtree you certainly have your trials and I am praying for you. You are so in tuned with God - go girl - yes I am one to definitely overdo it. I just don't like to sit around always something to do!
Take care praying for you all.
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I think about what YOU and TAM are going through and I would vote for both of you as the real heroes.   Your perseverance and strength, your persistency in getting well, and the ability to maintain an intact sense of humor.  TAM, I was reading about your ordeal and I got very mad and sad, at the same time, because of everything you have to go through, but then I kept reading, and I must admit that I had to laugh at the blue frost gatorade, the pink tattoed nipples and areola, and the blue vomit part, you can't blame me for your sense of humor to rub on me.  Oh, in that I forget the glow in the dark, no I didn't, TAM, what's up with that.  You are going through so much and still write to us as if nothing is going on, hooray for you, you are a lady I admire.  MAA, I will be waiting to see what your surgeon say, I will be still believing with you, on any miracle that God wants to do, we still have today, tomorrow and monday, God has an eternity waiting for those who love him.  Our hurried 70 or 80 years in this life go by so quick, as for me, my goal and my everyday living is all based on eternity, I have eternity in my mind, in my thinking and in my goals.  God Bless to you both.  snowtree
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I am glad that the EKG went well, also, that you were able to go through the MRI machine, FANTASTIC, no not I, that's where I draw the line, no MRIs for me, don't like them.  I saw one of them and I said NO WAY JOSAY!!!!  Anyways, please tell us how it all went, labhusky, I am hoping and praying for a miracle for you too, never said that before, but I am, I wish you well, I send you positive energies and I pray to the Almighty God of miracles and positive energies, He is the One that gives us all the good things in life, and when those good things don't look or feel that good, don't be deceived, He is there watching, teaching and comforting us throughout it all.  All things work together for good to THOSE who love him.  He is NOT a small god, He is an OMNIPOTENT, boundless God, He can take our breath away whenever He wants, for those that don't love and respect Him I anticipate a horrible end, I've been sick with a headache and I don't even want to believe that the afterlife without my lovable God is a constant migrane (migraine), I'm sorry if I offend anyone here, but I owe so much to Him, I've learned how to adore Him, I've seen His good deeds, and I've also seen His wrath, I don't want His wrath, no way, no way.  Food for thought and the most sincere appreciation to all of you, I love and admire all of you the same.  snowtree
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I sincerely apologize for the length but, here are some tidbits for preparing for your lumpectomy that you may or may not not receive from your doctor or a 'what not to do list' that is often handed out at the dr's office or place of procedure.  Most of those lists do not take into consideration that you may live alone.  Even though, I live with my son, since he is only six, I realized that there are a lot of daily things that could have been easier had I thought of this ahead of time.    

Depending on what your job is and how large a lump is taken out, you will most likely be able to return to work a few days after your procedure.  Do not drive, though.   When we injure a muscle, our body reminds us everytime as soon as we move and our reaction is to either stop or slow down.  However, because our breasts are mainly fatty tissue, it is quite easy to over extend ourself w/o a painful warning sign from our body until after the fact. ie. Remember my previous blog about driving too soon.
Buy some sports bras that are extremely supportive and have front closures.  No pullovers.  Buy enough to wear morning, night, and day w/o doing laundry.  
Take a look at the weather forecast.  Put together some clothes that are easy to put on.  No pullovers for the first few days.  Iron as many of your outfits as you can before your procedure.  If any of your shirts are somewhat clingy, make sure they will still look good over a sportsbra.
Usually after surgery, the surgeon will leave you w/ a rx for a painkiller.  Ask your dr for one before your surgery.  P/U, open and place in something easy to open before surgery.  In fact, you might want to talk to your dr about or ask for a rx for an antibiotic, as well.  You and your dr. can discuss whether you will need it or not but, if you do, at least you will already have it in an easy to open container.  Those caps are very hard to open after a lumpectomy.
So are water bottles.  Do you drink bottled water? Or use anything that has a tight twist-off cap? Ie. Peanut butter, condiment jars, etc.  Break the seal on as many as you can and then close just enough to keep fresh but, not so much that you will hurt yourself opening.  Place them all back in fridge for freshness.
Do you like cereal?  Have scissors handy to cut open anything that comes in a sealed bag.  Do not try to open seal by pulling apart.
Do an inventory check of household items that are somewhat large or heavy when full and buy enough to at least last a month (or more if you can for extremely large items.) Ie. Dogfood.  Other items to think about: Sodas, shampoos, conditioners, cleaning products, laundry detergent, etc. I went full-out grocery shopping for first time after lumpectomy this past weekend.  With heavy items in cart, I was quite sore by end of trip and that was two weeks after lumpectomy.  If you do find yourself needing anything at the store that would cause you to strain, do not hesitate to ask an employee there for help.  When I went, a store employee had to put my son in the cart and then take him out for me when I was done.
Also, with any items that you use that come in large containers, pour some into a smaller container that can be easily picked up.  Ie. Liquid laundry detergent often comes in a large container.  Pour some into a couple of empty water bottles that you may normally have just thrown out.  When it is time to start doing laundry again, you will not have to worry about heavy lifting too early.  Also, when doing laundry, be very careful about only pulling out one item at a time from the washer.  Our clothes are much heavier when wet.
Also, buy some foods with plenty of protein.  Your body is going to be using a lot of energy to heal itself after the surgery.  That combined w/ the anesthesia still in your system, could result in some dizzying moments for the first few days.  Have some protein shakes on hand that you can drink immediately if you get a spell.  Also, sit or lay down and stay there until you feel 100% better.  The last thing you want to do is bump into a wall on your left side.  
Have an extra pillow on your bed.  At night put it on your left side so while sleeping you do not roll onto your left breast.  Also, remember to wear your sports bra at night.
As you are going through your daily routines before your lumpectomy, take note of anything you do that requires you to make a big stretch or use chest muscles. Ie. Grabbing a plate or glass from a top shelf.  Bring a few of those items down where you can have easy access.  Another thought is to buy some disposable dishes so you do not have to clean much for the first few days.
When it comes to the garbage, use small garbage bags...nothing larger than a grocery bag.  Of course this means taking trash out more often but, at least you do not end up having to carry something heavier than what is recommended.
Do you normally use a blowdryer or other hair styling appliance?  If so, play with a few hair products that will allow you to be able to avoid having to use a hairstyling appliance other than a brush or comb to fix your hair for the first week or so after your lumpectomy.  Thank goodness you just had it cut.  It will make brushing or combing so much easier.
Your surgeon will place steri-strips over your incision at the end of the procedure.  Do not remove these.  Let them fall off on their own.  With such a long incision that will be made, look for an after surgery product that contains steri-strip closures.  My pharmacist recommended the Nexcare Scar Care Kit (even over his employer's generic version).  It costs just under $16 but, having the extra support is worth it.  There is a lot of underlying tissue that will still be healing long after your stitches are removed.  Having the steri-strips has been extremely helpful for me at times when I don't realize how much of a strain an action, otherwise common in my daily routine, produces until after the fact.  I don't know how many times these actions have caused my incision to spot blood but, with the steri-strips on, it has never popped open.  However, please, please, still be careful and do not over do it thinking that the steri-strip will save you.  There is still internal bleeding that can occur if you do too much too soon.  Also, if there is a lot of bleeding, contact your dr immediately.  Be sure to clarify with your dr before the surgery on what is considered normal swelling and/or bleeding and what is not normal.

I do hope this helps you enjoy your independence as much as possible after your lumpectomy.  Do ask for help when you need it, though.  It is easier to ask for help one time rather than overstraining yourself and causing a situation where you need much more help. :)

The procedure itself is quite painless with the numbing agent used before the wires are placed and then having a general anesthesia before the surgery.  Taking care of yourself after the procedure will just ensure continued comfort.
      

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Wow misty, thats quite alot of well appreciated info, thank you!!!  I am going to take the week after off anyway, so that will help me too.  I bought some sandwich bags and will put a serving a dog food in each one because I store his food in a big bin and I have a scooper.  Maybe I could take that because the bin does sit high.  I bought 3 cases of water.  I like the house brand where they have 24 bottles  and they hold 20 oz which is a little bigger than those other brands of water in the stores.  I am taking wed and thurs off to prepare and get some big laundry done plus I may make up some macaroni and cheese and that apple crisp that could get me thru those first days along with soup.  I am right handed and the surgery is on the left so I wont strain it but maybe that will give me a little slack.  I am definetly going to have to grind some coffee beans and put the correct amount in baggies.  Alot to think of.

Now all, the burning answer is NO I did not tell mom today.  She was in a fussy mood because her TV wasnt working.  So rather than go to our normal places of grocery shopping, I had to drive her to my neck of the woods so that she could go to best buy and walmart.  She didnt need much but was happy to be in stores like that because she has needs over there too and she really doesnt get out and over there at all.  Plus, my brother is not a help to say the least, and thats a long story too on its own.  My mom just seemed so happy about being in walmart and as you might know she is a diabetic.  She is SUPPOSE to take 3 medicines.  She told me today she stopped taking her medicine and feels fine.  I asked her if the Dr knows and she said no.  Because of that, I didnt tell her a thing.  Stress can worsen diabetes too and I dont need to worry about her while Im going thru this.  Next weekend when I call her I will just tell her Im under the weather.  I was thinking of telling her before she said that to me and I thought about waiting till I know about the MRI.  You know, call her up and tell her if I like what I hear from the MRI and sound positive about the whole ordeal.  This MRI causes me nervousness because I am nervousness.

The guy said last night that my dr should have the results Tuesday and I told him that I was going to see her Monday.  He said that in that case, she can go into the computer and look at them to tell the receptionist there that they are accessable.  I have a feeling my Dr knows that.  It didnt go too bad last night and he put headphones with music on my head but still the sound kind of drove me nuts, more annoying than anything.  Since I was on my tummy and my head was down, I couldnt see anything anyway.  It lasted awhile.  Those things take a long time!!!  Then he had to get one more because he said that he takes away the fat in the breast and everyone is different so he was having a little trouble with me in the beginning.  Finally though I could move but I was sore for awhile because you have to be so absolutely still plus the IV.  I was exhausted when I got home which was around 10.  If I was exhausted from that, I may be more so Friday from all the stress and stuff and I think its the stress of it more than anything else.

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My doctor told me it is standard procedure to mri both breasts. So don't worry. Easier said than done. I know after the mri and my surgeon got the results he was really concerned talked about the positives of a double mastectomy. (Never worrying about breast cancer again). So I got a miracle when the mri biopsy came back negative in the right breast.

Misty - thank you for the heads up - I always feel better prepared. Thank you you are a fount of information. That's what I like about this website. Women are just so practical and love helping others. Do you think I will need the steristrips if I am having a mastectomy. boy I am so jealous of those of you who can get a lumpectomy.

Snowtree - I get migraines too - they are painful. I will continue to pray for you. Keep the faith.
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mistyb, maa, tamknit and labhusky - Your information is invaluable. I know many people who come to this site for months to come will be helped by the insider info you give on these procedures. And they will be in awe of your attitudes. God be with each of you as you deal with recovery and treatment.
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thank you for the positive encouragement as usual. the support I receive on this website is great. Women always seem to triumph over adversity. My strength is my Lord. Thanks for your words.
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Mistyb361 gave you so many great ideas.  For me all of them were important, but the one that called my attention the most was about opening medicine bottles, is so hard to do, even after a biopsy.  Opening anything is hard, and lifting, another great one.  All these information is good for Maa, also.  Labhusky, are you having someone checking on you, at least?  I wonder if you can tell your doctors about it, and I wonder if your insurance would cover a helper, nurse or someone else?  How about neighbors, are they helpful?  Friends,co-workers?  Don't worry about bothering them, because nobody is going to think that you are bothering at all.  I'm pretty sure that all are going to be happy to help you, and if they're not, well, tough for them.  I mean Lab, please don't do any lifting, you sound like a person that would go out of your way to help others, now is their turn, so what ten times, someone have and needs to be there, at least a couple of days, bless your heart.  About your mom, I understand, even when you are going through all these emotions you are still thinking about not telling her the news, but you are doing the right thing, though, because she is also going through tough times with her diabetes.  Lab, when I had my 4 children, specially the twins, I didn't have my mom or anyone else to help me, they were 14 pounds and 13 ounces.  8 with 4 the boy and 6 with 9 the girl, I had huge pains, even after coming home, I had to cook, clean, do everything else myself, because my husband was working like a beast, trying to make some money for so many people, everyone that came to my house, to see them, came actually to bother, I regret not giving them a mop and a broom, a sponge and some tilex, but just like you I didn't want to disturb them, you know something?  I got a great idea, that came out of this empty head.  TRY YOUR FRIENDS NOW WITH THIS, I mean, make a new life and maybe you won't have to hang around with good for nothing friends anyways.  I'm sorry, I'm mad that you have to go through all these alone, so I'm talking a lot of trash, but that is that, I feel like screaming out for you, I will pray out loud to the One that could help you, but we are supposed to be His hands down here, where is everybody in a time of real need.  Forget it, I'm getting too upset, so.  God Bless you,  snowtree.  PS  Today I have issues, and I'm taking them out on the people that need to be there for you but are not, so be it.
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I think of you with a tender heart.  Every time I think of you I feel the urge to pray to God in your behalf.  It breaks my heart what some of you have to go through, I wish I can have a magic wand and disappear all these happenings, but I can't, there's no magic in me, but there is positive energies and perennial PRAYERS prayed to God in Jesus Christ's name, continuosly.  He leads us with the tenderest care, when paths are dark and we despair, no need for us to understand , if we but hold fast to His hand.  Oh God, give me understanding, enough to make me kind, so I may judge all people with my heart and not my mind.  Life is an adventure, that will lead to who knows where, so, give me a greatful heart, Lord, that I may always care.    I said, "The path is steep." He said, "I'm at your side." I said, "But I am weak." He said, "For you I died."
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Thank you for your kind words. Thanks for reminding me to judge people with my heart not my mind. Today's sermon was about the paralytic whose 4 friends who went on the roof and lowered paralytic down to Jesus to be healed. The pastor said we need to make vital connections to others. It took 4 people who took the time to take their friend to Jesus. They had to have teamwork - carrying 4 corners of the mat. They had to have compassion. They made a vital connection to the paralytic. couldn't be 2 men, not 3 but 4 to work together, have compassion, take the time to get their friend there. He said that while the men's names are not listed - he thinks they are the true workers of the word. I like this website because I think in our own way we are making vital connections. We pray, we support and we believe. Snowtree you are a vital connection. Thank you! All of you are vital connections. Thank you.
God bless
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Tamknit - Wow, you are facing so many obstacles and you remain a Rock.  I admire you.

Snowtree - keep taking those vitamins

Labhusky - trust your gut in telling your mom.  good luck with the mri.

maa64 - I am a bit of a pack rat, couldn't imagine a studio unless i had a big garage.... hope you are feeling good.

misty - thanks for sharing all that information. That will help many women.

ALL - am praying for you all.  I have an extremely busy next few weeks which will require lots of work on my part and some business travel so, I may just be able to jump on and check in. I may not post much.  I will pray for each of you daily and asking for your healing, comfort, health and guidance.  Love to all.
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Misty-I went shopping today, and got that scar kit you were talking about.  Havent opened the box yet but I hope the instructions are easier inside.  Looking on the back of the box is probably the general gist of the whole picture.  I went to the grocery store and got some slim-fast with protein bars and drinks.  Plus, I love kidney beans and have 2 cans on the shelf and I have 4 small cans of tuna.  I have been eating that activia yougurt every day since last week, and got some more yogurt this weekend.  Im thinking Wednesday, I will go to a local Mervyns and hope that they have sports bras that close in front.  I usually get stuff like that at Nordstrom (Miss Bling again) because they measure and have better customer service.  But since I was there 3-4 months ago, I probably havent changed size and for what they are going to be used for, I dont want to pay Nordy prices.  That was a great idea about putting detergent in an old water bottle too.  I usually go to the laundromat since the machine went out awhile ago.  I will have to study your post again and make more mental notes.  Now, I do love my oatmeal and I cook it every morning for breakfast on the stove since I buy the old fashioned kind.  I do have cold cereal but usually like to have that if the weather is too hot to cook dinner.  Maybe though, I should have cold cereal over the weekend and try cooking oatmeal and washing breakfast dishes Monday?  What do you think?  My store had oatmeal on sale 3 for $10, and I eat oatmeal when its hot out even.  I do have another hot cereal I have once in awhile that takes longer to cook.  It comes from Canada and is called Red River.  Cold cereal just doesnt stay with me in the morning and I get hungrier alot sooner if I have it.  Now, I am terrible.  I use paper plates anyway cause I figure the less I have to wash the better.  Lazy little thing here!!  My mom got me started on that since she did it.

Snowtree-I am touched by your concern about me being alone!!!  Im going to have to call my brother when I get all the scoop from the Dr.  I think he would stay here over the weekend.  He isnt quite the same after his TBI.  He is a weak link and seems to run away from what he perceives to be bad situations.  You know, the head buried in sand routine.  Hes got involved with a woman that is going to use him for all he is worth.  She was evicted 3 times over a 3 year period, never hung onto a job for long but kind of knows how to use the legal system.  Since I work in Civil law at the court house, I ran her name and found out all about her as far as these evictions are concerned.  Now she doesnt have to worry at least for now because he is dumb enough to hook up with her.  Plus their is more-but another time.

Joygirl-sounds like fun but Im sure you will be glad to get back from the busy schedule you have to take a deep breathe.  

I love hearing from everyone of you!!  I have been on that breast cancer .org but that is so busy and if were to read every situation which I was doing for awhile, I stress out so that isnt really good for me right now, and plus Dr Onc did say, "maybe you shouldnt do that." and I have been giving it a rest only to pop in if one of my posts received an answer.  I was going full bore for hours over there in the beginning.  Here I can take a breathe and relax more.  In a big way, it feels like family and I have alot of sisters helping me out.

I will post here after seeing the Dr tomorrow.  Nerve wrecking week for me.  Take care all and good luck Tammie tomorrow
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