You might want to hear some personal experiences. I participate in a on-line support group: Breast Cancer Survivors and Friends. There are gals who have had the all types of reconstruction. The message board is at:
http://forums.delphiforums.com/madeit
A related discussion,
Have you had breast reconstruction? was started.
I would ask your plastic surgeon for photos of his/her work on patients who have had the procedures you are considering. I had bilateral mastectomies with tissue expanders and am very pleased with the result. The negative is that the process is a fairly long one, with "fills" of saline to expand the skin and a second surgery (which was fairly short) to replace the expanders. The TRAM flap (using abdominal muscle) is more involved and has a longer recovery period. There may also be additional minor surgeries involved on this procedures as well. There is a new procedure (I believe it's called DIEP or something like that) which is supposedly even better than the TRAM with a smaller failure rate. Do your research and ask your PS if she/he can refer you to patients to speak with that have had these procedures.
good luck
Dear elfmom, An excellent resource for you to read about the different options for reconstruction or prosthesis is Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book (you can get a copy of this book at a library, if they don't have a copy they can order it for you). There is a chapter which is dedicated to description of various options with diagrams of the procedures, and is written in language for the lay person.