Help with my 6 yr old

[lmd69]

My 6 year old daughter is extremely aggressive and bossy.  I talk to her about this all the time but it's like she doesn't hear me.  She is an overly friendly and very outgoing child but I feel it is turning into bossiness or even bulliness.  Any suggestions on what I can do to nip this in the bud now before it gets worse?

I'll try anything.

[lmd69]

Again, thank you for responding.  

I don't think the problem is hurting as much as it is controlling.  Others have told me to let her work it out on her own but as you can imagine, I'm her mother, and would like to have as little hurt as possible.  I'm sure things will work out.  I'll just keep watching her and reading as much as I can.

Thank you

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It'll be important to draw a distinction between hurting other people and simply being bossy. If it were just a matter of her being a boss, I'd let her work it out with the other kids in general. But, when it comes to being aggressive with other children and treating them badly, that's another thing. If this is a behavior problem and not symptomatic of a mood disorder or some other serious emotional disorder, the behavior should respond to an incentive system. Consult with a mental health or behavioral health clinician, who can help you with a sytematic plan for behavior management. Take a look at S.O.S. Help for Parents - this is an excellent guide for parents re: managing the behavior of children.

[lmd69]

I'm sorry.  Well for example she had her seat moved on the bus because she was sharing a seat with two other little kids and she wanted the end and the little boy was already on the end so she pushed him off the seat.  Also on the bus she is forever hitting and picking and pulling at the kids in the seat in front of her dispite how many times the bus driver warns her.  This little boy has also told his mother that Jessica is bossy on the bus.

Another example she will have a friend over for a playdate and they will disagree on what to do next and she has been known to "push" whoever she is playing with into doing what she wants. either physically or by just talking it to death till the other gives in.

She has been know to knock people down in hace in order to go first or at the skating rink she is so busy doing her own thing it doesn't matter who gets in her way she plows right over them and finally she talks out and acts out in class dispite warnings over and over from the teacher.

She is a very outgoing child and I don't want to change that, I just don't want her to become a bully.  She is very much a tomboy and she gets alot of affirmation from the other boys because they like her spunk.  I don't have anything against her being a tomboy ( I actually prefer her to be active) but I am afraid that before to long her friends will have had enough and not want to be around such a bossy child.

Does this help?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is difficult to guide you without some more specific information about the behavior that worries you. If you'll offer a couple of examples of what your daughter does, perhaps we can
send along some advice.