Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
3 year old circle time problems / not listening at preschool
My daughter will be three in two weeks.  She had gone to preschool two days a week for two hours since this past Sept.  She refuses to sit for circle time and is disruptive.  The teacher's aide has resorted to holding my (struggling to break free) child during circle time.  She only follows directions when she chooses to listen.  I don't know what to do.  

The teacher have asked if an early interventionist could come see my child at school.  So I sat in class out of site and observed.  My child behaved until circle time came.  The teacher's aide held her to keep her in the circle and prevent her from disrupting others.  After circle time she played well with other, but after hand washing for snack she sprung from the bathroom and pushed three kids.  Then at some point before leaving she began running around the classroom, not listening to the teachers when they told her to stop.  Finally, there was a second circle which was cut short.  My child wouldn't sit, but neither would other children at this point.  My child spotted me watching her and ran to me, I quickly told her to sit in circle because I didn't like her behavior and she sat in circle in her spot and listened until class was over!!!!  I don't know what to do.  

I don't want the interventionist to work with my daughter in class because I'm aware of tracking and labels put on children.  I made an appointment with a clinical social worker to help us with her behavior.  My husband and I are trying to improve discipline at home, but part of me just says she's 3.  Three year old do this as they are learning to deal with the world.  But if her behavior is so different from most kids in class, is there a problem.

I can homeschool if necessary,  but I want her to be part of a school environment.  Would love any advice.    
Cancel
63 Answers
Page 2 of 4
Avatar universal
three is young for an adhd diagnosis, at this point, I would not focus on that label.  Also, a lot of kids have difficulty with circle time.  It's hard for my son who is now 6.  How long are the circle times.  My son has trouble w/transitions and I have a feeling that this is waht makes it hard for a lot of kids, esp to go from an active activity to sitting in a circle.

I don't think having someone come in and observe is a BAD idea at all, it might be more helpful than the social worker who only hears what you tell her, for someone to see the real deal is MUCH better.  I don't think they would diagnose her at this point with ADHD and if they did I would go againts that diagnosis, too young.

I have been reading a book about sensory processing disorder and a lot of kids push other kids to get sensory input, I don't think they mean harm.  You might pick up a book or check out your library if you are like me trying to save $$.  ONe good one is the "Out of Sync Child".  Try it.  It can't hurt.

Also, at age three they go through stages.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Benjimon, your son is like mine and has a sensory integration diagnosis, correct?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yes, specialmom, we just had the eval done.  We will go for OT as soon as the eval comes out and we can schedule OT appts.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Benjimom, I think you will be very pleased at what occupational therapy has to offer.  good luck
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanx, specialmom, I just noticed this post is 2 plus years old. I wonder how the kid is doing now in elementary school!!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Specialmom and Benjimom,

Thanks for your replies. I'm going to start reading up on sensory issues...  I should note though that circle time is just one of the issues. In a nutshell, my 3 1/2 yr. old daughter is currently academically advanced for her age group, but is defiant, demanding, is hitting / shouting at friends, doesn't seem to feel guilty about her actions, etc. She's very articulate, can clearly express what she likes / doesn't like, likes music, and can be very sweet / polite at times...   Did you both experience similar behaviors?

PS - Sorry for my late response. I wasn't getting email notifications.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Yes, I did.  My son is very smart and his expressive and receptive language were always past his age level.  They still are as well as his academics.  But the other behaviors were also present. Not all the time and definitely worse at school.  My boy can be the sweetest, most loyal friend but then can yell at them and stomp away two seconds later.  A sensory child changes moods quickly.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
If your child does not do well in preschool daycare KEEP THEM HOME WITH YOU!!!!!!!!
Teachers and teachers aids are under paid and expected to have college units. Alot of parents expect them to be miracle workers. Remember they are not just watching your child they are watching several children. You want indvidual attention stay home with your child.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Chris, that wasn't really the point of the post.  In early childhood education, one of the jobs of a teacher in preschool is to look at  development.  It is about more than watching your child while you go grocery shopping.  A GOOD preschool teacher understands that looking at each child in terms of their development and helping to move them along the continuum is an essential element to their job.  I wouldn't want a teacher that didn't.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
As a teacher (and a preschool one at that) I can appreciate just about every comment above.

1. No child should be held or restrained unless it is a part of a behavior plan and is being carried out by a CPI or TPI trained professional. Children can be hurt or killed by restraints done incorrectly.

2. Circle time is WAY more important than the people in this forum seem to understand. It is a part of school from preschool on. So it's wonderful that your child is getting it in day care! It will benefit her so much. There are suggested lenghts of time (by age) that circle time should last. A 2-3.5 year old circle time should be no more than 10 minutes. A 3.5-4.5 year old circle time about 15 and 4.5-5 year olds should be able to sit for 20-30 minutes.

That being said, Preschool (even 2 days a week is SO important for kids now and NO ONE should be judging you for placing your child so young. If anything, you are providing her with a social advantage as many students who come to us with no day care experience have absolutely NO idea how to socialize. And if they go to kindergarten without any preschool or daycare, they often fall behind and find themselves in a lot of trouble...all because they have never been part of a group.

I agree that in day cares, the quality of teachers can SOMETIMES be questionable. This is not always the case. Day care teachers are rarely trained in behavior and sometimes it just takes finding the right school.

Good luck in your endeavors. Hope things have gotten better!  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I read this post today after what happened at my 3 year old son's preschool. On his second day of preschool, the teacher and the director took me aside and told me about my son;s behavior, which is similar to Cleveland Mom's daughter. My son cannot sit even at home, though we are trying. However, he does not run around at home. The behavious comes up when he sees other kids especially in a group or playdates. I think its his way seeking attention and wanting to be the "life of the party".

I have been thinking about these preschool teachers who had the guts to talk to me aboit my son having a problem the very second day of preschool. My son has never been in a daycare or preschool before. he has been with me at home for 3 years of his life. I did take him to community mommy and me classes once a week, but he wouldn't sit there either. Does my son have a problem or is he also finding it difficult to transition from being the king of his house to being restricted in a preschool setting?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
    Yep, you (probably) hit the nail on the head when you said, "is he also finding it difficult to transition from being the king of his house to being restricted in a preschool setting? "   Its only his second day - maybe third by now.  He is going to have to change a learned behavior.  That can take up to 3 weeks if his teachers know how to apply consistent, immediate reinforcement.  There is very little you can do at home.  It is up to them.  In 3 weeks, if he has not changed- then there might be a problem if the teachers have been doing their job correctly.  By the way - it doesn't hurt to sneak into class (with the teacher's permission) and watch what is going on.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I have a three year old that has started preschool this year and has only been in school two weeks and I have already had to have two meetings at school. Last week one of the coordinators tried to convince me to put him on adhd medicine because he does not sit still.  When I describe him I tell people that as soon as his feet hit the floor he runs "wide open" until he goes to bed.  I told them no medicine because I was on it as a child and I remember how it made you feel and I wont put him through that.  I had another meeting today and they told me they are going to cut his time at school down to 2 hours a day instead of the 5 that the other kids go.  I dont feel this is fair because he will see that he doesnt get to stay and he will begin to ask why he has to leave.  He is very smart for being three and is very curious and observant and can figure things out if he spends time thinking about it.  They accepted him into the program knowing he was three and they were forwarned about his hyperness and they said it would be no problem.  Now I feel they are discriminating against my child and the only option I feel I have left is to talk to a lawyer in order to get them to do their job and be patient and help him learn these new concepts.  He hasnt been in daycare since he was 1 and he is the only child but is always around other kids.  He is very active and he loves to play and gets frustrated with things as well as gets mad when he has to stop doing something he enjoys.  What am I supposed to do? The only option they seem to put out there is putting him on drugs and I am not willing to do that because he is only 3 and he can learn to grow out of some of it but might need something later in life.  I am mad and dont know where to turn....
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
   First, you are very correct to not put your child on meds at 3.  Very few doctors if any would do so.  The standard time is typically around 5 or 6.
   Second, you can't compare your reactions to meds when you were young to what his might be.  Unless, of course, he gets a horrible doctor.  The meds have changed.  The care and knowledge that doctors have now compared to then are also very different (most of the time).
   Third, don't waste your time trying to see a lawyer.  Its a private school.  They can pretty much do what ever they want.  Spend your time and resources trying to find a school that can work with your son.  There are many things that a school can do, but it would be I think a school with not a lot of kids.  In other words the pupil/teacher ratio would be low.  I do think that you should go visit the school and watch him.  For one thing, watching how the teachers interact with him will be helpful when he trys other schools.  You do need to know how he does work in that kind of a setting.
    And yes, there is a very good chance that he is still too young to handle this kind of a setting for that period of time.  I am kind of impressed that they are willing to take him for two hours.  I'm not sure that many preschools would even offer that.  It may be that a compromise can be reached where you start with the two hours and then slowly extend the day.
   Finally, you  apparently had ADHD as a child.  So its a pretty good chance that he has it as well.  Hopefully, you don't want him to repeat what may have happened to you as you grew up.  I (of course) don't know what happened to you.  But I do know what the standard of care was like back then.  Make sure that you are up to date on all of the latest info on ADHD.  I primarily post to the ADHD forum.  If you have any specific questions, please post over there.  Also, there is a book I recommend a lot (for a variety of reasons).  Its probably worth your time (and very little money on Amazon) to get it.  The book is -  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.   Oh, and if you do have any more questions, please start a separate topic.  I just kind of stumbled into this because I thought someone was responding to my last post.  Best wishes.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Preschools and daycares have other children in the classroom, they cannot devote all of their time to one child the entire morning while other children are there to learn too. Some of the comments I have read sound like they are saying the preschool/daycare is responsible for making the child adapt, however parents are a child's first teacher and therefore should be consulted first when deciding on something.

As a successful daycare/preschool other strategies could be applied that didn't drastically change everything that was set in place with the other children, however it is the parents job to also help the child transition to what they need to do at school. When parents and teachers are on the same team then everything flows much easier.

If a teacher was suggesting your child to be monitored then you can ask them to write down on paper (always a great idea) what strategies have been attempted so far and if they haven't attempted any others then ask why not; possibly need to find a new school. Never assume though that the teacher should drop everything and force the other children to change completely for one child, it should be a medium ground point; I had a friend whose child was disruptive and the teacher suggested he be monitored, and they also worked on other strategies, well it didn't work out and when he was monitored he was accepted into a school that was able to provide the one on one he needed. Good luck everyone
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
not all day cares are horrible.  You have to do your research and find the right one.  It needs to be a learning center, not babysitters.  They are out there...Campus For Kids Learning Center is one of them.  They really invest in the children's lives. The teachers are loving and dedicated to what they do.  They prepare the children for school, life and most of all they show them by example, how to treat others.  Awesome school, check it out!!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
HI my daughter is 5 in october and has been displaying similare behavioural patterns from around the same age. We are now seeing a child psychologist for help. I do not want her medicated i made that very clear. He said they do nothing of the sort, and if it was warranted that the child displayed symptomes of any behaviour disorder they explore and exhauste every other avenue possible before even thinking about medication, they wouldnt even do that until she reached 3rd grade where their little brains have matures a bit more. My daughter suffers what they say is adhd but its more often than not hereditary and neurological, Its the very few one ini 30 suffer the problems due to their diet. Sometimes trying more organic foods, some with less gluten, sugar and preservatives work for my daughter and more brain testing activities to keep their little brains working. Apparently children who have trouble concerntrating, sitting still and behaving have a little brain that works differently or backwards to ours and its not their fault but the kindy your daughter goes to needs to make sure shes not singled out or bullied because no one realises we all have these same behaviour traits just some grow out of it and the brain starts to recognize signals properly and some dont and suffer with it into adulthood and dont realise whats happening.I hope things are okay with you both good luck
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
757137 tn?1347200053
For goodness' sake. The poor kid isn't even three and the experts are all over her. If she doesn't have problems now, she will with all of the inappropriate attention.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Today I was told that my 3 year old's teacher has trouble with him listening and cleaning up and running in the hallways.  It has been less than one month of 3 year old pre school and I am upset with the school.  No one has told me any of this, yet the director and teacher have spoken of it.  I find that those first few weeks or even couple of months are quite a transition stage where children are starting to learn to stay in line and follow the routines of pre school.  But, the director did not sound like she thought that way.  My son also has a speech delay and has a hard time communicating and gets frustrated easily when he is not understood.  But, they do not seem to be taking that into account either.  Are these behaviors normal and is my preschool too strict for this age group?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
bbug2008,

I'm no expert, but it does sound like there is two problems: 1) communication and 2) misunderstanding about the relationship between speech and behavior. For #1, I would try to talk to the teacher on a daily basis to get a sense of both the "good choices" and the "sad choices" that your son is making. I would also talk to other parents to see if they are hearing similar things. It may be that it's only with a particular teacher or is the environment in general. If there is a way for you to observer your child (without being noticed), that would be ideal. For #2, you should be able to find plenty of information on the internet to support how hearing and speech can result in behavior issues. In our preschool, it was common for the teachers to say "use your words". If he can't use his words well yet, it's logical that he will be frustrated and may act out.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Child Behavior Community Resources
Top Children's Health Answerers
973741 tn?1342346373
Blank
189897 tn?1441130118
Blank
San Pedro, CA