4 year old girl- hitting at preschool

[fastwizards]

My wife (32) and I (30) have 2 beautiful children, we have a 1 year old son and a 4 1/2 year old girl.  The problem we are having is that she is hitting at preschool.  She is a very active child who requires tons of attention.  My wife and I both work a 8-5 schedule Monday - Friday.  She has been at this daycare for 2 years now and is well adapted.  About 1 year ago, she had a bout with biting other kids at preschool, and after curtailing that by taking away privleges at home and rewards (small sucker) she stopped.  This past week was especially bad, she hit 3 or 4 different kids off and on throughout the week.  It was always impulsive, there is no time for the teacher to react.  When asked why she did it, her replies switch between "I don't know" and "he was bothering me", but is quick to say she is sorry and apologize (don't know if shes scared that she is in trouble or impathetic)."  Its almost always boys.  The teacher says that the triggers can range from a kid being too close to her, to they were playing with something that she wanted.  I think if she thinks a boy is bothering her, she just reacts and slugs them.  The teacher says she can be having a great day and then this happens.  We found out how bad it has been 2 days ago.  We took all TV privleges away from her over the weekend and hope by reiterating that we don't hit friends at school ( and maybe a reward) that this will work.  The teacher says that suprisingly even though she hits the other kids, that they still migrate too her to play.  She hardly ever hits at home and I mean hardly ever.  She is a very rambunctious kid at home with tons of energy and always in your face.  She seems to be reacting great with her 1 yr old brother, and revels in the fact that she is big sister and enjoys him (other than the "I was playing with that" statements).  Some of our friends always talk about ADHD, but I don't jump that quickly on that bandwagon.  She is very intelligent, but I am worn out over the course of a weekend from dealing with her constant need for attention.  Its sad, but I sometimes look forward to Mondays to have a break.  I want my time with my daughter to be looked forward to.  Maybe I just need more patience.......

Any help

Concerned DAD

[Sandman2]

   If you have any specific adhd questions or need resources, I monitor the ADHD forum here -  http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
   Feel free to post any questions.
   Also you might want to check out a series of books aimed at kids of this age and meant to be read to them at night (a great thing to do anyway).  Many times kids do have to be taught - and I stress taught (not punished) how to deal with their anger.  Check out "hands are not for hitting", or "cool down and work through anger' which can be found here.  http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775

[ldamiano6]

I too have a 4 1/2 year old girl displaying very agressive behavior at preschool.  Yesterday she head butted a little girl in her class and made her nose bleed..she had to go home.  The week before she punched two boys.  My daughter is very very engergetic physical...has a hard time calming down.  Is like a motor that never stops and requires attentions all the time.  She is an only child.  She is very intelligent and very demanding.  WE too are very exhausted but love her sooo much.  Both my husband and I work full time and the time we spend with her isn't as much as I believe she is really needing.  I am reading a book now "Between Parent and Child"  it is about reflecting back your childs emotions to them when they are calm as opposed to being reactive to their behavior as a child at this age does not know how to properly express their emotions.  We kind of have to be detectives to find out what they are feeling and help validate those feelings and make sure that we are aware of them.  This really calms them down.  The book is very helpfull...in the process..gives you specific tools for learning how to help you identify your childs emotions behind their actions.  My sense is that some how both of our daughters are needing something from us emotionally, more time spent (quality time), that we are having difficulty giving them.  They are frustrated and angry...they also may be exhibiting their desire to control a situation and get what they want as my daughter too easily gets what's she wants at home.  School is harder for her to get her way...thus she get's frustrated.  My point is that we need to begin to listen and reflect back her feelings to begin to get to what's underneath.  Our daughters are too young to be evaluated for ADHD, however I my self am going to get some books on the early signs of that and contact my pediatrician if the behavior becomse worse and we can't figure it out.  I am also thinking of working four days a week instead of five.  You are not alone.  My daughter sounds alot like yours.  Keep me posted

[allieKP]

I wiish someone would have replied, you just described my daughter. Have you had any change in her behavior since writing this?