4 year old hardly says anything!

[mamabear103]

Hi, Here is my situation.  I am watching my neighbors 4 year old daughter during the day.  My problem is that she will sit on the couch and just sit there and not say anything or she'll lay down with her blanket and go back to sleep after we drop her brother off at school.  I'm the one to always ask if she wants something to eat and drink or if she needs to go to the bathroom.  I have told her mother that and she tells me she does it to her also.  Her mother seems to think it is a phase.  I think part of the problem is that up until April the kids have had thier dad with them everyday of their life. Then thier mother kick him out and the kids do not see him anymore because he moved back to their home state.  The little girls brother seems to be ok.  I am really concerned for this little girl.  I think that at 4 years old she should be asking lots of questions.  But she say's nothing to me.  Then just yesterday she was talking to a total stranger.  She was asking her all kinds of questions.  But hardly said a word to me all day.  I heard her talk to this girl more in 15 minutes then she has with me in 2 weeks or more.  Am I looking to much in to this or is there a problem here?  I keep talking to her mother about this and I am getting know where.  She keeps telling me her daughter is going though a phase!  You are my last hope.

[mamabear103]

The mother of the little girl I watch has told me she has been like this since the end of her summer vacation that she got to spend with her dad.  I just started watching the children the begining of the school year.  The first week I had her she was fine.  Then after that she slowly started to withdrawl from me.  I have told her mom that her little girl needs help and she does nothing.  So to open her mothers eyes I have told her I could not watch her children anymore after this week.  She seemed upset with me that I would do this to her.  I think I am also going to try to get a hold of the girls father and let him know about the problems she is having.  Because I don't think he knows there is anything wrong.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your concern is justifed, because the behavior is rather unusual in a child this age. More than just the behavior in your home is the mother's information that the girl is like this at home as well. An important part of an evaluation will be to ascertain if this represents her baseline (i.e., general) level of functioning, even before her father left, or whether the behavior commenced after the departure of her father. If it is the former, it may indicate a general developmental problem. If the latter, it likely represents a depressive reaction to the loss of her father. In any case, the situation invites evaluation.