4 year old peeing on floor

[3_boys]

My son started peeing on the floor while my husband was on deployment with the Navy.  When my husband came back, it stopped for a few weeks, but then started back again.  He is 4, and has been potty trained since he was almost 3.  He takes his pants down and goes in his room, playroom, bathroom, and even on the walls in the hallway.  I ask him why, and he says he doesn't know.  He is highly intelligent and has always been ahead of the majority of kids his age.  I know that he knows better and knows that it is wrong, but I can't get him to stop.  This has been going on for about a year.  I have tried everything from a reward system, talking to him, time out, loss of privileges, spankings, having him clean up his own mess, making him stay right by my side at ALL times, and now am throwing his card collection in the trash.  One by one, each time he pees on the floor, I pick a card and cut it up, then he has to put it in the trash.  He is also wearing a diaper right now, as well as cleaning up his own messes (just with water...I use the steam cleaner later).  I am at my wits end with him.  Tonight we had a rational discussion and he expressed how upset he would be if I cut up another one of his cards.  We finished brushing his teeth and in less than 1 minute he came out of his playroom crying and said he had peed on the floor in there.  I really don't get it.  He KNEW what was going to happen and had just told me that he didn't want that to happen, yet he went in and immediately peed on the floor.  Most times he doesn't even tell me when he does it.  Either I or one of his brothers will find it.  Since the beginning, he would only pee on his end of the house (bedroom, playroom, bathroom, and hallway), but recently he even went in my room.  He pees on the carpet, and sometimes on books and toys.  I am SO angry now, I don't even know what to do with him.  I really thought the embarrassment of him wearing a diaper would do it, but once it is on, he doesn't really even think twice about it.  What can I do?  We are worried that he may have some sort of damage to his brain.  When he was 1 month old, he fell out of his baby carrier onto the pavement.  He had a skull fracture, and has been followed up on by his doctors.  His last scan was when he was around 2, and he was so advanced on everything, the doctors said he was just fine.  In the back of my mind, I have always been worried about him though.  Do you think  he could have some damage stemming from that?  Please help!!

[Lovesadkids]

Even if your son was hurt when he fell on his head (I'm sure you feel guilty about it, but believe the doctor!), you're still left with the problem.  I suggest you stop the "punishment" stuff - throwing things away, taking away priviledges, etc. since it isn't working and is making you feel worse, and probabaly making him feel worse, too.  I remember reading a study on mentally handicapped, institutionalized adults who had toileting issues.  When the patients had to 1) clean up the mess themselves, and 2) take a rather chilly shower afterwards, the behavior changed radically.  I suggest you be loving, sweet, understanding, and adapt those two techniques.  And don't either of you fret about him saying he doesn't want to do it, then he does it.  He thinks he's not in control of himself; therefore, he doesn't believe he CAN control himself.  I hope a little mopping and a cool shower will help him move past this hurdle.  Good luck!  

[Wicka]

Hi.  I too am having the same problem with my 4 year old girl.  Can I first say that the first thing you should do is STOP.  Think about the circumstances when your child first pees?  Through my own experience of my other two child (16) & (13) sometimes your child IS trying to talk to you but are not heard (if your house is as hectic as mine?)  I always bear in mind that my daughter is only just 4 years old and our expectations as parents usually exceed them.  I just say to her "never mind" and then sit her on the toilet, clean the mess up myself, then carry on with life as though it has never happened.  I do find that this method helps because if you start to make an issue of it then it becomes a bigger issue altogether.  When the peeing happens I feel it's just a way of your child saying "hey I want you to watch me play or can you help me build this, etc.  Please remember they are young children and sometimes their animal instincts just have to kick in for survival/attention.  Take care. xxxx

[momx2boys141]

I have a 3 year old son that is almost four and he has just started peeing on his bed, on the floor and even on his toys. When I ask him why he did it he tells me he thought it was the bathroom which he is a really smart kid so I know he knows better. I have tried everything spanking and taking privelages away even making him clean up the mess. I also have a 1 year old son and my husband works a lot and is not home much I have noticed that he only does it when his daddy is at home. I am wondering if he is trying to get attention from his daddy. But I am glad to hear that other people are having the same problem I was really worried that something was really wrong because he has been potty trained for over a year then he starts doing this.

[luvnlyfe]

OH MY GOSH! You are talking about my life. I have a 4 year old son, who is about to turn 5. He has been peeing on the floor for the past 2 months. I even found him peeing in the heat vent. Like you, I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. When I ask him why he does it he says, "I don't know". Again, like you we have taken away toys, but he still does it. I have noticed the he will even poo in his pants and he wont even tell me. He knows how to use the toilet he has been potty trained for about 1 1/2 years! He clearly knows that what he is doing is wrong but he continues to do it. I wish I know what to do, I wish there was a website that would tell me "this is the problem..." but there isn't. I find comfort knowing that this is happening to other people and that my son isn't the only one...maybe this is just a phase that some kids go through...

[marinewife7]

hey!! gosh i am glad i am not the only one my husband just went on deployment and my daughter started peeing in my floors right before he left before peeing in the floors she was peeing in her pants and would tell me she just didnt feel like going now its both most of the time she just hides it and then i find it of course when the carpet smell bad and then she tells me she doesnt know why!! the thing is she always does it in the day time and there is 3 bathrooms in my home and she was seriously 6 sets away from it when she peeied in my floor. she just turned 5 and is about to start school. i have tried everything and i am lost...... everything i seem to do just doesnt work its like she doesnt care! she is the only child so i dont know how it could be not getting enough attention cause its always just me and her. i am pregnant tho and am very scared to know what is going to happen when a new baby comes into the picture,,,,,, is it going to get worse?????

[bwilkinson]

My mom called me this morning in the middle of yelling at my younger brother, her 5 year old son who she just found out had been peeing in his room and inside of his toys. He had no answer as to why this was happening. Know i have a very large family, which consists of ten children, me being the oldest at 22. I think if jealousy isnt and issue, then im sure its a call for attention. Those needs are hard to be met with so much going on at the house. He shares a room with his little brother, who he is very jealous of...so I also think it could be a way for him to mark his territory? After reading up a little bit, I decided that yelling and making a fuss was not the answer no matter how upset, but a calm approach and having the child help clean up the mess is the best way to handle the situation. Possilbly my mother even making more time for her to spend one on one time with him, just so he feels that she is making the effort as well. Hopefully things will change soon.

[OutdoorsyGirl101]

I am a mom of a 3 1/2 yr old boy, who is peeing in the floor also.  This just started about a week ago, and like many others, he has been potty trained for almost a year. I first noticed puddles beside the toilet or near the garbage can in bathroom and so I thought...no big deal he just had to go real bad and didn't make it, or was looking around while peeing (which he does often).  Then, during the same week after moving his baby sister (19 mo) into the room with him, my husband and I watched him (via camera monitor) stand up in his bed and pee off of it into the carpet!!! I was livid!!! He definitely knows better! I talked with him about his little sister moving into his room and he was excited about it, and he still is. I really don't understand what is going on. Tonight it was the kitchen floor. After reading everyones comments, I feel somewhat at ease knowing that I'm not alone with this, but at same time, it is very mentally exhausting as I worry and fear that I am failing as a parent....and WOW, this is only the beginning of troublesomes I'm sure! If anyone has spoken to a healthcare professional about this problem and has any new suggestions or new findings, please share....need all the info I can get.

[Serenityfalls]

My daughter would pee on the floor as well. She was 3 at the time  but was already potty trained. She took her pants off  ran into the room and just went infront of me on the living room floor. All of this started just after her father was deported. She was regressing and acting out because, in her eyes, her father left her. Children have a funny way of blaming themselves and at these ages they act out or regress because they don;t know how to communicate their confussion, anger, or pain. Play therapy has helped her and she is doing great now.
Her father is not home yet, like your husband, but I was told that good change is also hard as well to adjust to for young children. I will be taking her back to play therapy, when her Dad returns, to help her adjust.
His father leaving and returning could be causing him to regress and their may be resouces available in your area to help him deal these changes.

[lindsayd]

Ugh! Glad to know I'm not the only one going through this! But like everyone else, I sure wish there was a "fix" to this issue. My daughter will be 3 in March, we're working on potty training still, she wont go poop on the potty, which I'm not pushing, my other daughter didn't go poop on the potty until right before she turned 4. But the issue with my soon to be 3 year old is peeing and pooping on the floor. Just like everyone else, she knows where the potty seat is and where the bathrooms are but just doesn't use them, she only will if I realize it's been an hour or 2 and I ask her if she has to go, otherwise she just sneaks off and pees or poops on the carpeting, which only make me angry! My whole downstairs living room smells like pee all the time, no matter how much I clean them. I'm at a loss too and just hoping this passes soon. I dont punish her, I just tell her we're not supposed to go potty on the floor and you have to tell mommy when you need to go potty. She says okay, but this has been going on for probably 6 months now. I'm a stay at home mom so they have my attention all the time, I only have 2 kids, my husband works normal hours, there's been no major changes in their lives, so I just can't understand why she chooses to pee & poop on the floor when she knows she's not supposed to. I play with them all the time so I really dont think it's an attention seeking thing. It really just seems like she doesn't feel like taking the time to walk to the bathroom and it's just easier for her to pee where she's standing! It makes you feel like you've done something wrong when you have 2 children that are taking longer than normal to potty train. I know every child is different, but when you're a stay at home mom and spend all your time with your kids, trying to teach them right from wrong, you feel like you must be doing something wrong when they do things like this.

[Tausha87]

I am so relieved to see that I'm not the only one experiencing this!! My son is 5 years old and only recently started this behavior after new years, this year. My mother in law lives in St. George and has taken my son for 'vacation' about a week to two weeks a year (at one time) since he was two years old. He asked while we there for new years if he could stay at my mother in laws and come home later. We decided that'd be fine and we called every day, nothing new to him or us. He came home about a week and a half later and everything was fine. Then suddenly one day I step in a wet puddle where I KNOW nothing could be dripping, spilled, etc. I lean down to smell and ew! Pee! My husband had actually seen my son just take out his thing, but asked- what are you doing?, and my son just said "nothing. just looking." and put it away. It was wierd, but he didn't think anything of it until I came in and said it smelled like someone had peed right in the doorway (where my son was seen holding his thing). We scolded him- he was sent to his room, no tv, toys or video games the rest of the night. That seemed to be the end of it, though when I later asked him why he did it, he replied "I don't know, I was just being crazy." Uh, ok. So I forget about it, and he starts making complaints about going upstairs alone (day or night), and asking me to go with him. I asked what he was scared of, and he said "Zombies and monsters." Obviously we explained there was nothing to be afraid of and a week goes by with this annoying zombie problem (I don't even know where he saw/heard about zombies.) and having to go with him or making him go alone. Just a few days ago I walk past a heat vent right in the hallway outside the bathroom and there was an overpowering pee smell. I go in the bathroom and the smell decreased- i look back in the hall and there was a small puddle dried up right there, and yellow running down and in the vent. SICK. I don't understand that- he was literally right outside the bathroom. Today, I walk past the same hallway and there is a guest bedroom right next to the bathroom and the smell of pee was coming out of it. I'm just like, no way. I walk in and I can't see the spots, but I can definitely smell them. So I bring my son in and very calmly ask him, "Where in this room did you pee?" At first he lied, and told me "I didn't do it!" but I kept him there and kept repeating where he peed. Finally after about 3 minutes he shows me two spots in the closet and a pile of blankets. UGH. So he was immediately sent to his room, without his 'goodnight snack' or movie time before bed. He started crying really hard, so i sat down with him and asked why he was peeing on the floor. He admits he knows it's not a toilet, and that he doesn't like the bathroom- he doesn't want to be there alone. SO, I will be going to the bathroom to supervise from now on. This house seems to freak him out (it is older, and my brother was recently saying he hears 'weird noises' from the bathroom or upstairs (which is why i'm thinking he's started doing this). We are moving at the end of the month to a condo and I am terrified he's going to pee on the brand new carpets. Also with the moving I haven't had as much one on one time with him (he's my only child), so I'll try upping that and see if I can get this to stop. I'm hoping it's just that my brother or whoever else made him freaked out of just this house, and the behavior will stop once we've moved, if it doesn't after tonight. I had him repeat what the consequences would be (no tv, xbox, AND a spanking since this is the 3rd occurence) and he did, saying he didn't want to lose his tv or xbox time. I explained to him the concept of consequences and just had a long talk about whatever he wanted, and why he didn't want those consequences to happen to him. He still had to go to bed with no movie or 'goodnight snack', but he wasn't crying and seems optimistic that he'll never do it again. Guess we'll see :)

[aaronswifey69]

My little girl is 5, she has been peeing on her bedroom floor since she was 3! We have no idea what triggered it or why she does it. We bought a house when she was 3 and thats when and where it all started. She pulls down her pants and pees on her bedroom floor. No where else just her bedroom. She recently started doing other things as well...smearing poop on her wall, destroying things, talking back. I dont know what to do or how to stop this! We have tried several places for help and NO ONE can figure out WHY she does it?? She has had a TSS, a behavioral specialist a theorpist...no one could help us! I think I am going to try what Lovesadkids suggested and see if it helps any. I hope so!

[MzJLewis]

My daughter is 3 1/2 and has been peeing on her bedroom floor for several months now. she was potty trained at 2 1/2 and did really great with it. I never pushed potty training or made it a big thing.I do think that after she was out of diapers, a lot of changes were happening in her life. one after another. Changes that just couldn't be avoided. she was so big I couldn't keep her in her crib, because she was climbing and falling out.I moved her to a toddler bed. Then her biological father came into her life. She had to be alone with him and a court supervisor.very stressful on her. Then her sister was born. I was breastfeeding and at home all day. I try so hard to give her a wonderful life, and I am with her a lot but there is a 12 month old sister there too. I do the best I can. she loves her preschool, her grandparents, and her family life is nice and loving. I just can't help but feel like I have failed as a mother. I've been making her room so nice and she pees all around her bed. maybe I should call the doctor? I try to give her so much attention. my mom says I should react whatever way feels natural.... well It makes me pretty mad. I've never spanked her for it. somehow i don't think taking away her preschool tv shows will make her  stop either.  **** sigh   but reading all of these posts has really helped.

[micric]

my four year old daughter started peeing on the carpet, only in her bedroom,
She gets plenty of attention more than most children because she is an only child.
The attention she gets is quality and positive. My daughter is very smart with a vocabulary
better than some adults I know, so with that said.. being stern by timeout, not rewarding her,
taking fun things away DID NOT WORK  so I turned to the internet and found that Im not alone.
I have to say I had to laugh not one person suggested a spanking, So I will tell you after she got
a spanking one that got her attention SHE HAS NEVER DONE IT AGAIN.

[sulls24]

I really think that every parent going through this should look into abuse being a possible cause. attention seeking seems to be a big part of it too... setting up some special time seems to be a good idea, maybe as a reward for good behaior, but if your kid won't talk to you about what's really the reason they're doing it then a counselor may be needed

[mommylovesher3]

Future References that read this: I know this is a really old forum, but have any of you considered the possibility of your child having a UTI? Little ones don't always know the best way of telling us they have a medical problem. We have to be their eyes and ears as their mothers and fathers.

[smores445]

i am glad to know i am not the only one....but my daughter has been to behavioral specialist and all and nothing has helped. i even had her checked to make sure she is not or has not been touched inappropriately. its been going on so long i almost forget when it started. to make it worse...she cries a lot and i tried spanking, taking things from her, talking, showing affection and all...NOTHING WORKS....she deliberately pees all over herself. like today she stood in the middle of the floor and peed...the restroom was less that 5 steps away.  and to make it worse my other kids are resenting her for it. i love all my kids, and work hard to make sure that they have the best. I even cut back my work schedule to make sure that i am home to spend more time with the 2 babies. Yall I am at my wits end i swear i am about to start pulling my hair out.p/s....she has been to both the pediatrician and the behavioral therapist. I am not big on spanking and yelling and all that cause i hated it as a child...but maybe i need to go old school on her.......HELP!!!

[Aydansmommy09]

Ugh! I cannot seem to get my 3 year old son to stop peeing on the carpet in his room! I feel like he does it just to make me mad!? for example tonight before I put him to bed I made him use the toilet then after I walk off he got out of bed and stood in his doorway and peed! My entire apartment smells like pee! I'm not sure what else to do! I have tried everything but nothing seems to work! I wish there was a simple fix for this! Please anyone with suggestions! I have also tried cold showers still nothing!

[lilyflower40]

I thought I was the only one. i feel relieved I'm not. my son is 5 and has been potty trained for over 2  years and just recently started peeing on everywhere too. It smells disgusting. He just started doing this after his step father came back from deployment. maybe he's resentful he left? I dont think he understood why he left for so long. I'm going to look into the UTI comment, but I dont think its possible for that to make them do that for such an extended period of time?

[Katiusha]

I am 42. I used to poo in my bed at 3-4 because I was afraid of monsters!!!
My mothera nd aunt scolded me, called me pig (fiklrthy in portuguese) and snmaked me. This only made it impossible for me to articulate my reasons. they never found out that Iw as simply too afraid of a monster hand that might grab my legs if I stepped out of the bed in the dark. So, when I woke in the middle of the night needing to go to the toilet I literally 'shitted myself'. I was totally aware of how inappropriate pooping in the bed was... after all I had to sleep on it!! But the fear of monsters was greater than the threats and punishments. I was unable to resolve this problem. Had the adults asked me kindly what was going on, instead of making me feel inadequate and treating me like I was evil and stubborn and simply trying to get their attention or on their nerves ( pure psychiatric blurb) we could have handled the issue on the first night!
The issue resolved when we moved from my aunt's into my own family house. There my mother was more tolerant and I was given a room to share with my older brother. There were now two single beds. I jumped from mine onto his, and from there over to the door, far away enough to escape the monster hands!!! this fear was so REAL! So it was that I resolved the problem. It had nothing to do with attention grabbing, fathers away etc. If father being there would make any difference it would perhaps be because I would be less afraid of monsters with him there or so. So STOP worrying, just help the boy resolve the problem. Be his friend, not his executioner. Read parental experiences with this in this site and you will see that all punishments failed to handle the issue. this is because the issue is not a disciplinary one. the child needs a friend to help them resolve the problem. Punishment AGGRAVATES the problem.

DO NOT BRING THIS ISSUE TO THE SIOCIAL SERVICES: they will interpret this as a cry for help, and say that your child is clearly suffering emotional harm from YOU. They are in court as I write trying to accuse me of this regarding an instance of defecation in the nursery (another child invited him to do it and they did it together at age 3) and he urinated once at home. He has not done it since. Not in many months. He's now 4. I never made anything of it. The etachers and teh social worker did but I protected him by ignoring it. Treated him with dignity. He is fine!
Also, this has nothing to do with potty training. The kids know how to control the bowels and they know where to do it, but for a reason or another at some point they decide that it is best to do it somewhere else.
(And often teh reason is hard to tell the parents because of fear of humiliation, through non acceptance. The very attitude of disappointment in the parent prevents the child from telling the reasoning behind their behaviour. For the child feels it is acceptable and rational but the child is too young and inarticulate to confront an adult with language and reason, especially if they feel intimidated or not accepted.)
In my case it was because of fear. It was greater than me.
I was a lovely 3-4 year old girl and the patronizing and humiliating disciplinary actions they gave me degraded me, and NEVER solved my problem. STOP punishing the children, and STOP looking for mental/psychological reasons. There will be some sensible explanation for this.(from the child's perspective it will be sensible). And if the child cannot articulate it, well, let it be, the child will resolve it someday. Lots of love, katiusha

[mamahaas]

I am dealing with this right now and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but my son WAS abused at the local YMCA and his counselor told me to watch out for this behavior. Another one, which he actually isnt doing but she mentioned, is if they wipe poop on the walls. I too was abused as a child and gross as it sounds, I remember doing that :-( Please seek help for the kids and you can gently ask, as I did, " is there anything you want mommy to help you with? or Is there a secret that you want to tell me that someone told you not too? or I just asked him one day when he was 'sick' home from school again, "is someone hurting you?" My heart dropped but I am glad I asked. I wish you all the best as it is a struggle we are still in. Its been a year, he is 4 1/2 now and just starting to do it so.... I dont have answers. I am sorry for all of you because I know where you are at.

[2boysdad]

Everyone seems to have the same the problem. Does it 'cure itself' or 'just go away?' Are there any solutions?
I have an idea about what my 4 year old's problem is, and I try to make time for him, play puzzles and the like, but he spends so much time misbehaving that it's hard to do anything but send him to his room or spank him.

Mom and I are having a tough time with it.

[stumps77]

I can't believe the comments about the  'punishment' these little ones are getting. I have a three almost four year old who is doing the same thing, it's normal for this age (as you can see from all the other people in same boat). Lack of patience and understanding only prolong the problem. It's not like they're being naughty on purpose, it's a physical thing that only love and persistence will fix. Take a step back and try to see it from their point of view....mummy takes away my favourite thing when I do something 'naughty'. Just increases the anxiety!!!

[emmy271]

I have a 3yr old little girl who is potty train. Today my daughter and I were outside taking a walk when she started pulling her pants down trying to pee on the side walk next to a street full of passing cars. she told me she had to pee after she had her pants half way down. This is my only child and I wanted to know is it normal for little girls to try and pee outside?

[mommyof2boys05162011]

My son pees in the floor and his pants sometimes
Nothing stops him that I have tried so far. I know he pees his panys because he doesn't wamt to take time to go to the bathroom and miss out on something or he waits until its too late and cant unbutton his pants or pull them down fast enough. As for peeing in the floor when I ask him why he says its because I made him mad. He is 3 almost 4. Idk what to do either because punishment makes him do it every time.