4 year old with violent behavior

[cjbaker]

My four year old son is getting very violent.  My husband and I are not sure what to do.  Nothing that we have done has worked.  He is getting in trouble at home and school for biting, hitting, shoving, pushing, kicking, spitting, scratching, etc.  The school calls home 3-4 times per week about him doing something to someone at school.  At home, he is very bad with his brothers.  He has one older and one younger brother.  Last night, he hit his older brother in the face with a car and bit his 2 year old brother very bad.  His attitude is very poor now also.  he always smarting off, talking back, telling us no, he hides from us and the teachers.  He says very hateful things.  I feel like he is too old for this kind of behavior.  He knows better.  I worry that he will end up hurting someone or getting kicked out of his preschool.  We don't know what to do with him.  We put him in the corner-he laughs, we put him in his bed, he dosn't care. We are at a loss.  I am really worried about the safety of other kids around him.  Please help.

[Danalou275]

It seems as though with a host of medical problems to add to the mix, and spending time at different homes, with different parenting styles, no doubt, that he may just be very overwhelmed.  Kids need iron-clad routines. Try hammering one out and you may see a change in behavior.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Any medical or developmental conditions can exacerbate the normal challenges a young child faces in learning how to manage frustration and danger and to control impulses. Be sure to proceed with a comprehensive evaluation.

[cjbaker]

i am so sorry to hear about your child.  It could be things that are going on with him that he is lashing out about.  Not with our other children or at home.  I am his stepmother.  His father and I have custody of him.  We aren't sure exactly what goes on at his mothers on the weekends he is with her.  He does get worse when he comes back.  We tend to get it under control until he goes back then we start ovefr again.

[lakecountrylady]

I don't think this is normal behavior. behavior sometimes reflects what is being done to him.  Is this possible?  Often, it is their only way to ask for help by acting out.  My own experience was with our 2 1/2 year old starting to act up  spitting in our face, hitting playmates over the head with toy hammers, screaming at us, saying I'm going to kill you, I'm going to bury you and running into room and slamming the door.  It turns our our 6 year old foster child we were planning to adopt had been sexually and sadistically abusing him at night.

So many answers are for medication.  Look for other causes too. someone at school, daycare, a neighbor, a relative,

from dp

[lakecountrylady]

I don't think this is normal behavior. behavior sometimes reflects what is being done to him.  Is this possible?  Often, it is their only way to ask for help by acting out.  My own experience was with our 2 1/2 year old starting to act up  spitting in our face, hitting playmates over the head with toy hammers, screaming at us and running into room and slamming the door.  It turns our our 6 year old foster child we were planning to adopt had been sexually and sadistically abusing him at night.

So many answers are for medication.  Look for other causes too.

from dp

[cjbaker]

Thank you for replying.  My older son has ADD and he is nothing like this he is not aggressive at all.  He talks a big talk but he is a 10 year old boy.  He never gets violent and never has. I will check with the doctor though.  Thank you.

[cjbaker]

Thank you for your reply.  We do show him we are boss.  He is always in trouble.  He jut dosn't care.

[cjbaker]

Thank you for your reply.  He also has spinalbifidia and a shunt.  He is paralyzed from his ankles down but can walk with the use of his crutches and braces.  He is very mobile still.  could this be playing any kind of factor in his behavior?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Age is not a factor - this behavior would be a problem at any age, younger or older. You have one imperative: arrange an evaluation ASAP. A number of conditions can result in these symptoms. The two most likely, but by no means the only ones, are (a) one of the Disruptive Behavior Disorders or  (b) a Mood Disorder.

[jayncandi]

We recently went through some of the same things with my four year old.  We have always been very consistent with our discipline and really were feeling like we were doing something wrong. .  After alot of advice like "show him who's boss" we finally scheduled an evaluation with a specialist.  It turns out that he has adhd and so many of those factors make him irritable.  He has no regard for personal space and not much concept of others feelings.  After beginning medication, he is 100% better.  
We are all doing the best we can.  Don't be hard on yourself.  Seek a professional opinion.

[kaylanfallaw]

Okay this is very weird your 4 year old has some anger problems i would show who is the boss
he needs to learn who is the mother and father and the boss