5-year old behavior problems

My 5-year old son has been acting out and it's only getting worse. It started last summer.  Now he has a new baby brother that is here (3 weeks old), and my son has been very verbal towards me and my husband and he is getting into trouble at school every day.  We have tried times outs, spankings, taking things away from him, and nothing seems to work. We are at a loss for what to do. He tells me that I'm mean all the time. My son is from a previous marriage that was extremely verbal abusive.  I left his father when my son was 2 years old. Do you think his behavior is due to the new baby or could he be remembering his childhood?? He is a smart child and he knows when he's being bad. It just doesn't bother him that he's in trouble. Sometimes he just smirks at us when we are scolding him.  When we ask him why he does things, he never has an answer.  And when we spank him, he may cry for 5 mins and then he's up and laughing at us afterwards.  We have an appt with a psychologist, but it's not until March.  If he continues to get into trouble at school, they are going to kick him out. He is currently enrolled in a christian school and they don't tolerate too much bad behavior.  Also, some things that bother me is the fact that he cannot sit still. I'm beginning to wonder if ADHD is a cause here.  And at night, when we put him to bed at 8pm, he is still awake at 10pm.  It's like his mind doesn't shut down.

Do you have any ideas or suggestions????  

Please help us. We are desperate!
Kim

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

See prior note. Re: possibility of ADHD, it is possible, though it would not account for the 'difficult' behavior you describe. The onset insomnia can be symptomatic of ADHD, though likely possibility is mood disorder. This will require evaluation when he sees the psychologist.

[MOORE172]

MY 5YR OLD IS SIMILAR SHE ACTS OUT TERRIBLY IN SCHOOL AND HAS LITTLR RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY,SHE HAS TEMPER TANTRUMS AND HAS RECENTLY GRADUATED TO HITTING ME AND OTHER PEOPLE IF YOU MAKE HER ANGRY ENOUGH. SHE ACTS LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ANYBODY SHE DOESN'T DO HER WORK IN SCHOOL,SHE SEEMS LIKE SHE IS EAGER TO LEARN, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN AND SHE JUST HATES FOR ME TO TRY TO TEACH HER THINGS, I'M FEELING AFRAID FOR HER FUTURE. WE HAVE BEEN TO COUNSELORS BUT THEY HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TELL ME ANYTHING. WHEN I AKS FOR EITHER A REAL PSCHOLOGIST OR A PHSIATRIC EVAL THEY SAY SHE IS TOO YOUNG, BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT TILL IT'S TOO LATE EITHER. BGEING A SINGLE PARENT IT'S VERY HARD TO FIND DOCTORS WHO WANT TO HELP INSTEAD OF DOPE YOUR KIDS UP WITH RIDALIN(WHICH WAS A SUGESTION FROMA DOCTOR)I'VE SEEN KIDS ON RIDALIN AND IT'S NOT PRETTY, IF THEY HAD SOMETHING THAT WASN'T GOING TO TURN MY BABY INTO A ZOMBIE I WOULD POSSIBLY RECONSIDER MEDS,BUT ONCE AGAIN IT'S NOT EASY.

[MOORE172]

MY 5YR OLD IS SIMILAR SHE ACTS OUT TERRIBLY IN SCHOOL AND HAS LITTLR RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY,SHE HAS TEMPER TANTRUMS AND HAS RECENTLY GRADUATED TO HITTING ME AND OTHER PEOPLE IF YOU MAKE HER ANGRY ENOUGH. SHE ACTS LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ANYBODY SHE DOESN'T DO HER WORK IN SCHOOL,SHE SEEMS LIKE SHE IS EAGER TO LEARN, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN AND SHE JUST HATES FOR ME TO TRY TO TEACH HER THINGS, I'M FEELING AFRAID FOR HER FUTURE. WE HAVE BEEN TO COUNSELORS BUT THEY HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TELL ME ANYTHING. WHEN I AKS FOR EITHER A REAL PSCHOLOGIST OR A PHSIATRIC EVAL THEY SAY SHE IS TOO YOUNG, BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT TILL IT'S TOO LATE EITHER. BGEING A SINGLE PARENT IT'S VERY HARD TO FIND DOCTORS WHO WANT TO HELP INSTEAD OF DOPE YOUR KIDS UP WITH RIDALIN(WHICH WAS A SUGESTION FROMA DOCTOR)I'VE SEEN KIDS ON RIDALIN AND IT'S NOT PRETTY, IF THEY HAD SOMETHING THAT WASN'T GOING TO TURN MY BABY INTO A ZOMBIE I WOULD POSSIBLY RECONSIDER MEDS,BUT ONCE AGAIN IT'S NOT EASY.

[seashell493]

My son is 4, going to be 5.  He displays very similar, aggressive behavior.  he has taken to hitting, kicking and yelling at me.  I too am a single mother, with no support system from his father.  I have taken him to a therapist, who seems to think that the lack of a fatherly figure has led to these behavioral problems in my son.  He is getting in trouble in school, and his friends don't want to be around him.  He tells me he hates me and does not love me anymore.  I don't know what happened to my sweet little boy.  I am afraid of what the future holds if he doesn't get some help.  My family blames me.  I am at a loss here, and don't know where to go from here.  I can't let him continue on this distructive path.  I have doubts about this therapist.  He doesn't allow me to sit on on the sessions, and won't fill me in on what is going on with my son.  I am going to discuss my concerns at the next session.  I am not sure why some kids go through this.

[LLPA]

My 5-year old has many of the same problems.  We have been taking him to a therapist for several months now and they have diagnosed him with ADHD and ODD.  I have now quit my job to stay home with him because he has been kicked out of 3 daycares because of his behavior.  He is now attending public kindergarten and is doing slightly better there probably because of the structure.  It has been completely frustrating and very draining.  They have now put him on Strattera for the ADHD however, I am not sure I see much of a difference.  He definately thinks he is an adult, wants to always be in control and many times seems like a teenager.  I recently found a book at the library concerning ODD called "The Defiant Child" by Dr. Douglas A. Riley, I am about half way through and it seems to be pretty helpful.  I hope this information helps.

[marilynw]

My 5 yr old son is in the same boat as yours. The difficulty with Ritilan is that I am unable to properly observe his behavior on it through a regular work/school/ and daycare week. Curiously, I gave him 1/2 a pill in the evening vrs. the morning within 20 minutes he puts himself to bed (relaxed) and wakes up refreshed, coherent, and alert. I am going to talk with the Pediatrician about this - to see why the affect is helping at night vrs. morning???? Puzzling - hey.

Before this his behavior was relentless at bed time: tossing and turning, and getting up, and playing for up to two hours. I brought in a soft mattress cover, darkened his room, changed the sheets to flannel. Gave him back massages & sang lullibies to him. But with the Ritilan @ bet time - he's zonked!!! Literally.

Another effective change I've made in my son's life is to tell him to stop worrying! He worries too much. The scary area for me as a parent is that my son's self-esteem could be scarred from his behavioral symptoms. *As I've surely had moments of total & utter frustration with him.  God Bless & take care

[marilynw]

My 5 yr old son is in the same boat as yours. The difficulty with Ritilan is that I am unable to properly observe his behavior on it through a regular work/school/ and daycare week. Curiously, I gave him 1/2 a pill in the evening vrs. the morning within 20 minutes he puts himself to bed (relaxed) and wakes up refreshed, coherent, and alert. I am going to talk with the Pediatrician about this - to see why the affect is helping at night vrs. morning???? Puzzling - hey.

Before this his behavior was relentless at bed time: tossing and turning, and getting up, and playing for up to two hours. I brought in a soft mattress cover, darkened his room, changed the sheets to flannel. Gave him back massages & sang lullibies to him. But with the Ritilan @ bet time - he's zonked!!! Literally.

Another effective change I've made in my son's life is to tell him to stop worrying! He worries too much. The scary area for me as a parent is that my son's self-esteem could be scarred from his behavioral symptoms. *As I've surely had moments of total & utter frustration with him.  God Bless & take care

[marilynw]

My 5 yr old son is in the same boat as yours. The difficulty with Ritilan is that I am unable to properly observe his behavior on it through a regular work/school/ and daycare week. Curiously, I gave him 1/2 a pill in the evening vrs. the morning within 20 minutes he puts himself to bed (relaxed) and wakes up refreshed, coherent, and alert. I am going to talk with the Pediatrician about this - to see why the affect is helping at night vrs. morning???? Puzzling - hey.

Before this his behavior was relentless at bed time: tossing and turning, and getting up, and playing for up to two hours. I brought in a soft mattress cover, darkened his room, changed the sheets to flannel. Gave him back massages & sang lullibies to him. But with the Ritilan @ bet time - he's zonked!!! Literally.

Another effective change I've made in my son's life is to tell him to stop worrying! He worries too much. The scary area for me as a parent is that my son's self-esteem could be scarred from his behavioral symptoms. *As I've surely had moments of total & utter frustration with him.  God Bless & take care

[etarizona]

My son just turned 5. In the past three months he has been in trouble at school.  It is almost like he does something wrong and then he feels bad. The light bulb doesn't seem to go off before he does the bad deed though.  He is great at home and has a big heart.There are no other behavior issues out of the norm at home. This behavior is only at school. I have since taken him out of school and put him into a private Montessori School. We are in the first week and I have already had a note sent home from the teacher.  He will not talk to me or his teachers about what happened. Let me type the letter sent home yesterday...My son was sitting with another boy in the after school program and for no apparent reason, took the child's head and banged it into a cabinet. The teacher asked my son to tell her what happened and he began to shout and threw himself to the floor and then started crying.  He would not listen when the teacher asked him to sit down in a chair for a time out.  His aggressive behavior is a reoccuring event. He has been aggressive towards other students on the playground and in the after school care several times. Each time the teacher talks to him and addressed the issue but the behavior continues.

What should I do?  I called the teacher and I am still waiting for a call back. In the mean time, I sit here and wonder did I do something to cause this?  What proactive measures can I take to make this type of behavior stop at school?  My son's father and I have come to the conclusion that we are going to take away some privilages to start and to have the school send a daily email or letter home describing his behavior and how he did each day. That way I can keep track.  Any suggestions would be greatful. Thanks.

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