5 year old temper tantrums

[mscott57]

We have a 5 year old girl who has been tantruming out of control for almost 2 years  (Since before her sister was born)We've seen a psychologist and it did not help at all.  When she doesn't get what she wants, she screams.  When we say no, or "you'll have to wait a minute"  she flips out.  When her sister takes her toy, she screams at her and scares her.  When I am not directly interacting with her (changing baby's diaper, making dinner, on the phone or if guests are present), she screams or makes noises to get my attention.  Time outs do not work. (We've tried and tried)  Positive reinforcement doesn't work.  Spanking does not work. We send her to her room to calm down, but sometimes it takes an hour of blood curdling screaming and then all of a sudden, she turns it off and says she's fine.  

When we have plans to go somewhere (library, pool, park) we sometimes can't because she is out of control or she loses her privilege because of misbehaving.  We often have to spend entire days at home, just waiting for her to calm down enough to do something.  We can't take her anywhere, she has tantrums.  When we play with her or when her friends/sister plays with her she is demanding, bossy, sometimes just mean -- pinches her sister, pulls hair, etc.

She was kicked out of one daycare and almost a second.  Preschool was okay, but they said she had trouble playing "nice" with friends (too bossy).  She is intelligent and articulate, and sometimes when we are not looking we catch her being very considerate and loving with her sister/friends.

We have an appt with a developmental/behavioral pediatrician, but not for another 2 months.  Help.  Help!  We are losing all patience and I'm at my wits end.

Help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Progress will not come quickly. It's good you are seeking additional evaluation. It may be that your daughter is displaying signs of juvenile onset Bipolar Disorder. At the very least this needs to be considered. On the behavior management end of things, as I often suggest, read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents. Whenever I see statements that time out does not work and positive reinforcement does not work, the real problem is with the implementation, not the tactic. If you work on your execution of the techniques you'll see progress. The more you change, the more your daughter will change.

[david834]

A related discussion, How is your daughter was started.

[mscott57]

I thought Bipolar Disorder was genetic?  There is no history of it in either of our families...I hope it isn't that.  I realize that BD is a lifetime challenge (my exhusband was BiPolar and ended up overdosing and killing himself).  

I will get the book you suggested today and see if it helps.