6 Year Old Boy Behavior Issues- Tantrums, Sexual Acts, ADHD etc

[shellie80]

I really need some advice. I recently took my six year old son to the doctor because I am concerned about ADHD (its on hi fathers side) and ODD to go along with it. He was all the ADHD symptoms, and has violent,angry outbursts that match all ODD symptoms. After meeting with doctor and telling him all the things my son is doing he said yes definitely lets have him tested. Im still waiting on an appointment with a child psychologist so nothing has happened on that end yet.

The problem is my son seems to be on a huge downward spiral day after day. It started with him hitting children, to clothes chewing, to acting out in class by jumping around, running, yelling inside, throwing objects, picking things up off the floor with his mouth, playing around in the bathroom and generally acting like an unruly heathen,

Today he was involved in an incident with another six year old boy on the bus. This child lives four houses down, rides the same bus, and is in the same classroom as my son. They apparently were kissing each other. He told the bus driver this. He also said the bus driver told him to keep his pants up. So I asked why were your pants down, and he very obviously lied and said they just fell down. Finally i got the truth out of him. He then told me  that the other boy was also "kissing his nuts".

WHAT? I couldnt believe what I had just heard.

He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was his idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him.

I understand children are curious. I also understand that when parents show affection towards each other and their children as my fiance and I do, that young children take that as the way to show everyone they like that they like them. I would explain away the kiss as that. Its the other part that has me VERY concerned.

He has never seen that kind of behavior at my house. He doesnt watch stuff like that on television, nor has he seen it ever in my home. My mother is of no help. Shes in her 50's and a devout Baptist. She thinks he should be punished for his behavior. Im not sure what punishment is warranted for something like that in the first place. What do I do? Lock him in a room till hes grown?? Ive already spoken to him about how its not approptiate to kiss boys OR girls like that when youre his age, and how its NEVER appropriate for ANYONE to ever come near his private parts like that. I said thats stuff for adults to worryabout and not children.

Can you PLEASE help me understand what's going on? Im so ashamed (I dont know why!!), embarrassed, confused, concerned, worried, that its making me sick.

He has mentioned something about someone in his classroom watching him use the bathroom while at school, like peeking in on him. I just wonder if this behavior has happened elsewhere, and how often.

[shellie80]

Why would I be in court for something another child did to MY child?

Thats how you would handle something like this? Blame the parent??

Do you also blame the parents when children grow up to be adults that murder, rape, are gay, or masturbate to porn??

Im sorry, but this is the most ridiculous bit of "advice" I've ever seen in my life.

[Andy900]

I agree with is you should probably look for some additional help for your child while waiting for other testing by his dr.  Children are typically curious, however a 6 year old kissing another child's "balls" seems alarming.  Does your child have older kids he is with at times, older siblings, cousins, where he may have overheard something about what he did?  For the most part, I do not think kids come up with things like that on their own - he is only 6.  I would recommend counseling for starters - and also inform your childs doctor of what recently occured on the bus.  Maybe they will be able to move up his testing appts.

[shellie80]

Did you not read what I said??

I said this OTHER child did this to MY child!

The question would be where did the other kid learn this from.

I just know that this kid has hung aound with my son before. They live close, are in the same class, and ride the bus together.

Id appreciate it if youd actually read what the Im saying and give some useful advice if youre going to give any at all.

I agree it is alarming, but what alarms me is this kid did this to my child, and Im hoping that this hasnt happened before. My son is sweet, caring, and eager to please everyone from parents to friends.

I dont think counseling is in order for a one time occurence from what HE did. If the other thing has happened TO him more than once, then yes I agree he may need to talk to someone as he was probably pressured into letting the kid do it.

I dont think that's the case really though.

[shellie80]

I realized just now that when typing I worded what happened the wrong way.

It sounds as if it was my sons idea to do this, that is incorrect, I should have re-read what I typed, but I was in a hurry and didnt have it all together.

Let me restate: I am concerned about why he would allow this to be done. Since its not something he sees, or is told about etc etc (read original post). I am VERY concerned because this is a little more than the run of the mill curiosity. As I said I would explain away the on the lips (and that is all) kisses as curiosity AND thas the way hes shown love & like in his home by affection. We hug and kiss everyone in my house. Never inappropriately and my fiance and I keep the kissing around the kids to pecks on the lips, like they are given. As for the rest Im at a loss.

The other child doesnt have older siblings, but I dont know who hes in contact with since he does play with older children on the street and some of the people are trashy in my opinion. This may be something the other kid picked up.


I hope this makes what Im asking a little more clear, and sheds more light on the situation.

[stepmother]

Sometimes what happens to children to behave a certain way isn't always known to the adults around. Has he recently stayed at a friends home? Relative? These type of behaviors do not just happen. They typically escalate unless the child had some sort of truama. Waiting for a child psy is very long.. One way to get it done quicker is to call your local emergency room or just take your son there. They can do an emergency mental health hold. This usually lasts about 3 days. The catch is you need some sort of evidence of harm to self or others. Are his tantrums out of control? Does he bang his head? Does he threaten to harm?

[rebbecca]

my son is adhd, odd, and mood disorder he is 8 years old. ok, i dont know why know one have typed these but i have been told by dr's that childern with adhd are more sexual then other kids without these mental problems. and no i am not saying these is why it happened!!!!!!!!!
have you talked to the boys parents? have you informed the school or the bus driver to have the 2 boys away from each other. has ur son been over the boys house lately? he may have seen something over there!

[naynay1969]

our doctor gave me this because i have i have a daughter with adhd, o.d.d,bi-polar. i know how you feel all you can do is explain that it is not right to touch someone elses bathing suit area,that he can touch his the other boy touches his own...my daughter and some of the kids at school looked at eachothers privates it's not uncommon. the older generation use to dissaplin for suh stuff line a strap accross your butt,but those days are gone now they use to make thir kids ashamed to look or touch thier own bodies i for one will not do that to mine.i will just give my advise and love her and pray she chooses the right path...i hope i have helped.these doctors have more info.

[rilbrianne]

wait... in your original post,  you said "He kissed the little boy on the lips (he said nothing more), but then told me it was HIS idea to have the little boy do the other thing to him."

So, your son is the one who asked the other boy to kiss his privates?

[skigh]

Thank you rilbrianne because I was about to say the same thing.
My son 6 yrs old and has adhd and the only problem we've had in the sexual area is a classmate hunching on him, but he told his teacher because we've taught him it was wrong. He has a father (my husband) who is very active in teaching him what a young man should and should not do. My husband began teaching him at the age of 4 to shake the hands of those who are not his mommy, daddy, or a grandparent. This is because he's extremely affectionate and would go up to strangers and hug them. With a child with ADHD, training is a little more extreme than a so called normal child (whatever that really is). We reward for the good and dicipline for the bad. The technique depends on wrong deed. Spanking has a limit and really is less effective than taking things away from the child that he/she really charish. I was brought up the other way, therefore, when I would read this, I was "Yea right. You know that **** don't work" but I was wrong. We don't sing instructions to our son like teachers do. We are very direct in what we expect, therefore, there is no problems at home or church or in public, but when he gets to school, he test his limits by telling the teacher, "No, it's not fair." And refusing to do his work for a few minutes. He's extremely smart. He makes 100's on everyone of his spelling test (1st grader). So, it's not a bad thing to have a child with adhd. Get him evaluated. Study and learn as much as you can on it. Pray to God for help and most of all patience. And everything will be alright. A lot of people are against medication, but my son takes Adderall (adderrall) and there's been no problems what so ever and it's been about 1 1/2 years. He suffers from no side effects. Praise God!!!! Send me a message any time!

[Sally44]

I agree with the last comment.  You may need to explain more as he may have difficulties predicting the outcome of his or anothers behaviour.  For discipline problems I have heard that a system called 1-2-3- magic works very well for children with ADHD.  I don't know much about ADHD, I have come across from the autism forum.
I'm not quite sure from your posting whose idea it was to do what happened to your son.  Do you think it really happened?  Can your son be naieve or gullable?
When I was at school (in the 1970s) I was sat next to a girl who was very sexually aware.  I even told the teacher about it, but was ignored.  This other child may have had some sexual experience, or may have seen things your son has not.
I think you need to start giving him some very clear guidance as to what is/isn't appropriate for his own personal safety because it may not be obvious to him.
Are you in contact with any parent support groups?  There may be social groups for the children etc that could be good for him to let off steam (especially if it is physical exercise type stuff).
Children can be inquisitive about their bodies ie 'you show me yours and I'll show you mind' and they don't see the consequences or dangers involved.  As a child I used to go around the house/garden naked.  When I reached a certain age I remember my mum saying I couldn't do it anymore.  I don't think she did it in a particularly good way because it made me feel very self conscious about myself.  
But anyway, 6 is very young if he has moved from 'looking' to 'touching' or 'being touched'.  I would say talk to him about it again.  If you think it happened then it might be a good idea to talk to his teacher because (a) you need to put some strategies in place to make sure it doesn't happen again and you may need advice from educational psychologist.  (b) the teacher should be aware of what the other child did as there may be other issues there from a child safety point of view.  (c) you may need to make sure your son is sitting next to someone the school trusts and not next to this boy.
Sometimes, for vulnerable children, they can have an adult carer travel with them, but I don't know if this applies in your case or where you live.

[Sally44]

I forgot to add that you or the school may need to speak to the bus driver because if he noticed your sons pants were down then he should have said something to someone.  But you need his take on what he saw.

[Mr_Questions]

I agree with him 100%

[george73]

No, your son would have learned from somebody. So does he get babysat? Has he gone to that friends house. I think he is being molested and very possably by a man. He is acting out because he is trying to tell you something. Alot of abusers will threaten thier victims with ' if you tell i'll kill you' or 'hurt your mom' etc. You need to begin by telling him that sometimes people do bad things to children and then tell them not to tell. Make sure your son knows you will protect him if anybody has ever told him that and ask if sombody has seen his privates or touched them.  He'll prossibly start telling you what you need to know. Asure him over and over that you will keep him safe. Try very hard to stay calm and not to react to anything he says or he may stop talking. I have been a foster parent of sexually abused children. And was also abused as a 5 year old. It may be the most trusted person you know so be aware. Good luck. I hope I didn't scare you. I pray it isn't so but...

[ki_chris]

My friend and i used to babysit for 4 kids ages 18 mos, 3 yrs, 5 yrs, and 7 yrs.  They were mostly regular kids but i noticed that they see one of them on the potty and tell you I see so and so's pee pee or butt.  Ok they'd get a little silly about it, but kids are curious so i dismissed it.  Then I noticed once that the 5 yr old was humping her stuffed animal while she was watching tv.  Really disturbing to me being only 14 at the time.  They parents were really nice and strict with them, they had a seperate room for the kids to watch tv in and it had a block on it so that it only got kid friendly shows.  Well, I figured that stuffed animal thing might be a one time thing but i'd keep an eye on them and see how they behaved.  Well when one would point out body parts again the other kids got all silly and giddy and it started to occur kind of frequently and the humping toys or dolls happened a couple other times.  The parents worked a lot of hours and the kids were with sitters most of the time.  My friend and I are girls though unless they had another sitter I didn't know about.  Well one night the mom said she ordered a pay per view movie and they had to watch it in the parents tv room coz the kids room blocked pay per view.  Well the tv set up was elaborate and I had no idea how to turn it on, the 7 yr old says I'll do it and pushes some buttons turned a knob and picked up the remote and starts flipping thru channels.  Many of which were adult ones I had to quickly grab the remote and change.  Turns out the kids had known how to use the parents tv, contrary to their parents belief, and were watching adult XXX shows when they weren't looking.  We informed the parents and they removed the cheater box from that tv.  Kids sometimes get into things grown ups don't think they know how to.  Hopefully your situation can be explained too.  Good luck to you and your son.

[sheercrystal]

One day in June of 2008 my daughter had a small red mark on her right shoulder.  I dropped her off at her fathers house and someone in that house hold thought that small mark was a hickey.  They brought my daughter to the Hospital emergancy room.  The staff there, Police, and social workers questioned her for 4 hours with no parent or anyone there for her.  several hours later it was said that my bf did it and that he "touched her" and that "she told me and I did nothing" This is all insane and untrue!

But still to this day it is now March of 2009 I have only seen my infant a hand full of times because CPS stole him.  I have only seen my kids with Supervised visits.

I didnt do anything! I didnt know anything.  And the Police's story on my children I know are wrong because I was there when it happend and the state wont let me take a lie detector test!

Be careful about emergancy room visits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They can and will take your kids away for so called sexual trauma that you KNEW nothing about!  They question your kids for HOURS until they say what ever the police want them to say! Then they Turn on you for it!

[caring09]

I think that its very inappropriate and very offensive that you would list gays in a category with such horrible actions and no you can't blame the parents or anyone for someone being who they are!! No I'm not gay but I do support the Gay/Lesbian community and I'm sorry you don't know what to do with your son. Hopefully things work out for you and your family.. God Bless

[Cj671]

I don't understand why in the world these young children are allow to run around like lose cannons with minimal supervision. If I were able to follow my son around he wouldn't get away or do half of the things he does, but I can't.
My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and from what I've read I think he has ODD with it because of his behavior. He is very smart but, his impulses make him OUT OF CONTROL! I know boys and typically aggressive and just plain bizarre, but he takes it to a whole new level! The things he says and does would make your hair curl, and to him he thinks he's funny. I feel that I am constantly being judged by his teacher and principal, as if he picks these things up from us. I would like help out at his school, but I'm SO embarrassed and my anxiety is through the roof to the point where I don't even want to send him to school. He is such a magnet to trouble. He hasn't done anything in a sexual nature yet  but it is inevitable.
Now I'm left racking my brain with the decision to medicate at such an early age. I feel that the school is leaving me no choice in the matter.
I'm constantly searching the internet for advise or ideas to help my son.
I appreciate people posting their stories, at least I know I'm not alone.