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6 Year Old With No Disipline
Dear Forum,
My daughter (just six) does not do anything she's told, she is aggressive towards my wife and I. When asked to go to her bedroom for time out she will not go, and screams that we can not make her. We have been trying to ignore her when her behavior is bad, but this just seems to make her worse. She has spat in our dinner and poured orange juice over my head. She is an only child and is rather spoilt. We have discussed her behavior with her school, however they have no problems with her, her behavior there is good. We do not hit her, so therefore we struggle with ways of disciplining her. Her behavior is causing problems between my wife and I, as we can not agree on ways of dealing with this. We would appreciate any help you may be able to give us.
My daughter (just six) does not do anything she's told, she is aggressive towards my wife and I. When asked to go to her bedroom for time out she will not go, and screams that we can not make her. We have been trying to ignore her when her behavior is bad, but this just seems to make her worse. She has spat in our dinner and poured orange juice over my head. She is an only child and is rather spoilt. We have discussed her behavior with her school, however they have no problems with her, her behavior there is good. We do not hit her, so therefore we struggle with ways of disciplining her. Her behavior is causing problems between my wife and I, as we can not agree on ways of dealing with this. We would appreciate any help you may be able to give us.
A related discussion, goin crazy!!!! was started.
I think that all parents could be able to beat their child not tring to kill them but let them know that what you tell them to do to do it my child was like that unitl I beat her on the leg not hurting her but letting her know when I tell her to do something I'm not playing with her at all her father does the same thing people can't stop you from beating your child not hurting them or killing them but letting them know whose the BOSS.
I think that all parents could be able to beat their child not tring to kill them but let them know that what you tell them to do to do it my child was like that unitl I beat her on the leg not hurting her but letting her know when I tell her to do something I'm not playing with her at all her father does the same thing people can't stop you from beating your child not hurting them or killing them but letting them know whose the BOSS.
Wip hear tail till she act right. It's your child you brougt her in this world and you can take her out
please send me this artilce to my email account
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thanks
***@****
thanks
Read "Power Parenting for Children with ADHD" and "Taking Charge of ADHD". While she may not have ADHD, these books will give you skills to deal with this behavior. BTDT and got the T-Shirt.
1-2-3 Magic is good also.
Our 5 yr old son acted the same way, and we eliminated artificial dyes, flavors, and preservatives from his diet and added essential fatty acids. His behavior improved after two weeks of doing both of these things. I cook from scratch and we limit sugar, juices, junk food, sodas, and corn syrup. We do not let him eat the same foods in a 4 day period.
Do not yell, spank, or argue. Try giving specific praise for positve behavior and TRY to ignore the bad (hard to do sometimes)and do not respond at all. Sometimes the bad behavior is a bid for attention and is due to low self esteem. State the consequences for bad behavior up front and always follow through. My son's therapist said that obeying is the most important thing to work on first. Use a chart and give stickers for obeying, being polite, not arguing, etc. and after whatever time limit you decide on (5 days?) of good (just improved not perfect) behavior then she gets a treat or pleasurable activity. For instance if you tell her if she hits you she gets no TV the rest of the evening, then follow through with it, even if you have to remove the TV from her room, unplug all the TVs etc. I know it will take a while before you do not get hit or argued with about the consequences, but if you both are on the same page and are consistent you will see improvement. Teach her ways to deal with her frustration and anger instead of hitting, etc. such as deep breaths, going to bed and hitting her pillow, walking away until she calms down, etc. And ALWAYS give praise when you see improvement and tell her how proud you are of her.
If her behavior is due to diet, allergies, etc. she cannot control it and give her some leeway. She will not improve overnight. If part of the problem is as you say and she is spoiled, again don't expect her to change overnight.
1-2-3 Magic is good also.
Our 5 yr old son acted the same way, and we eliminated artificial dyes, flavors, and preservatives from his diet and added essential fatty acids. His behavior improved after two weeks of doing both of these things. I cook from scratch and we limit sugar, juices, junk food, sodas, and corn syrup. We do not let him eat the same foods in a 4 day period.
Do not yell, spank, or argue. Try giving specific praise for positve behavior and TRY to ignore the bad (hard to do sometimes)and do not respond at all. Sometimes the bad behavior is a bid for attention and is due to low self esteem. State the consequences for bad behavior up front and always follow through. My son's therapist said that obeying is the most important thing to work on first. Use a chart and give stickers for obeying, being polite, not arguing, etc. and after whatever time limit you decide on (5 days?) of good (just improved not perfect) behavior then she gets a treat or pleasurable activity. For instance if you tell her if she hits you she gets no TV the rest of the evening, then follow through with it, even if you have to remove the TV from her room, unplug all the TVs etc. I know it will take a while before you do not get hit or argued with about the consequences, but if you both are on the same page and are consistent you will see improvement. Teach her ways to deal with her frustration and anger instead of hitting, etc. such as deep breaths, going to bed and hitting her pillow, walking away until she calms down, etc. And ALWAYS give praise when you see improvement and tell her how proud you are of her.
If her behavior is due to diet, allergies, etc. she cannot control it and give her some leeway. She will not improve overnight. If part of the problem is as you say and she is spoiled, again don't expect her to change overnight.
Whether to ignore bad behavior or not should be discussed with the therapist as part of the behavior management plan. Please be aware that when bad behavior is ignored, then SOMETIMES the message that is sent to the child is that it is being "tolerated". In no way would you want your child to think that you are tolerating bad behavior. This very issue was pointed out by our son's neuropsychologist and a behavior management plan was developed with that in mind. We had, for several months, just simply walked away during a rage fit or whatever. There was no improvement whatsoever and, in fact, the situation became worse over time. Now this may not be the same reaction for all children, but the possibility should be kept in mind when sitting down with a therapist and developing a plan.
I hope you find some help soon.
Dee
I hope you find some help soon.
Dee
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Denis,
When a child is as oppositional as your daughter is, it's a good idea to seek some professional help. In the office we see many families who are experiencing the kind of extreme oppositionality that you're describing. We seek to help parents develop a systematic plan for behavior management. Such plans involve determination of expectations, along with very concrete and clear rewards and punishments. Methods for issuing directions are also a major focus.
If you look at our SEARCH function, particularly on the topics of Behavior Management, Parenting and Time Out, you'll see some specific suggestions. But I think you'd be wise to consult with a pediatric behavioral health clinician because your daughter's situation is pretty severe.
When a child is as oppositional as your daughter is, it's a good idea to seek some professional help. In the office we see many families who are experiencing the kind of extreme oppositionality that you're describing. We seek to help parents develop a systematic plan for behavior management. Such plans involve determination of expectations, along with very concrete and clear rewards and punishments. Methods for issuing directions are also a major focus.
If you look at our SEARCH function, particularly on the topics of Behavior Management, Parenting and Time Out, you'll see some specific suggestions. But I think you'd be wise to consult with a pediatric behavioral health clinician because your daughter's situation is pretty severe.
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