Please help I am going out of my mind.

[dannysmama0705]

I have a 5 year old in k5. First here is a little background. His behavior change started a around 2 years old. He went from a very sweet and loving boy to a very aggressive one in the last 3 years. We started noticing that he was having some constipation issues so we started him with a GI doctor. Well they have found out that he has liver problems,pancreatic problems and his muscle mass is turning mushy. He knows that his brother passed away from a condition at 32 days old and I know he is scared. In september he lost his uncle that he loved so much and he is upset that his baby sister gets a lot of attention. He has been pushing her down and being very mean towards her since she was 4 months old. In school he hits girls in the face and punches them in the stomach. He gets mad when someone does not want to play with him and punches or pushes them. They behavior is getting worse since he started this classroom and his behavior at home is getting worse. How can I correct a child that when you talk to him he spaces out and can not remember what you just said to him. He does not care about time outs or taking things away to him. His mind set is well I will get my things back later. Then he constantly wins like a 1 year old and fake cries while whining.   I dont know what else to do I have done the time outs,spanking and taking things away. I have even tried to reward him for having a good day and the next day he goes right back to the same bad behavior. What can I do that might work?

[angelinamarina]

Hi,
this sounds like it could be a psychiatric issue.  I would have a full evaluation done by a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician at the least.
It could be as simple as ADHD, but this is sounding like it could also be something like childhood bipolar because of how you mentioned that he gets mad and violent towards other children.  Biplolar kids are unable to control their big feelings.
No amount of parenting books, skills, time outs, or anything like that will help if a child has a psychiatric disorder.  It will only harm the child worse.  I am surprised that the scholol has not insisted on a psych eval.  Maybe ask them to provide you with a functional behavioral analysis...which will help you with figuring out what is going on at school, and what the triggers are.
I know tihs stuff...because I have lived it.
He is miserable, and i am glad you are here asking questions.
You can try this website to see if it sounds like your boy has bp.
www.bpkids.org
Good luck
Angi

[allmymarbles]

Tthis is a sick child. Could his illness be causing his behavior problems? Behavioral problems are not always emotional.

[leslieann226]

Is it possible that he is in pain?  Often children in pain act out.  Also, he's very very young to even know that his brother died and then be diagnosed with things he doesn't understand.  I'm sure he is fearful. I'd find a good therapist and spend some time there with him.  Those are very heavy issues for a child without the coping skills and level of understanding to deal with.  

If you are dealing with feelings that he's not able to cope with, no punishment or reward is going to solve the problem.  

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, if his mind set is that he will get his things back later------------  make the punishment stick and donate the item in front of him.  And when he gets hysterical over it, you calmly say with empathy "I'm so sorry, this is sad for you".  But stick to it and let the consequence be the teacher.  

If he is punching kids at school, what does the school do about this?  What type of consistent disicpline have  you used at home?  Sometimes it takes 3 or more weeks to change a behavior with one approach so you have to stick to it for a while.  

But I'm curious if the school is recommending any type of intervention or evaluation if he is hitting and is out of control at school?