8 Year Olds behavior

[macado]

My 5 year old son informed me that my 8 year old son kissed his (the 5 year old)private area when they were in the bath.  When I asked my 8 year old about it, he admitted that he did it right away.  He also got very upset and said that he was just playing.  I was more alarmed that he told the 5 year old not to tell me that he had done this.  I explained that your private area is private and that it is only for you.  My 5 year old thought that the whole episode was funny.  Now I am having all sorts of crazy thoughts running through my head (is he gay, has someone else done this to him...). This behavior is very uncharacteristic of my child.  Am I over reacting or should I be concerned?  When I explained my feelings about this to my 8 year old, he was clearly upset and confused.  I want him to be able to come to me about these things, but isn't this behavior a bit odd for an 8 year old?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

A bit of concern is sensible, but try not to distress yourself too much. I would inquire, in a very calm way, of your 8-year-old if he had witnessed such behavior or if it was done to him. What makes the behavior unusual is that it involved kissing, and it makes you wonder why this meight have occurred to him. By no means does it suggest that he was sexually mistreated, but I'd certainly inquire. There is no reason to make any assumption about his sexuality based on the behavior. Thinking about that will only cause yourself unnecessary strain.

[macado]

I asked him and he said that no one has done anything to him and that he had not seen that anywhere.  He just said that he and his brother were playing around and his brother stuck it in his face more or less.  I know that they are very curious at these ages (5 and 8).  He knows right from wrong and he knows that his privates are private and so are everyone elses.  I don't want to keep talking about this with him because it is only going to upset him, but I just feel very uneasy about this. He is generally and very happy well adjusted child, this is not like him and that is why I am concerned.  Where do I go from here?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You're conveying the appropriate messages, and I'd leave it alone at this point. It doesn't have the ring of something worrisome. If all else appears OK, and it sounds like it does, there's really no need to dwell on this single episode.

[BuddleiaGirl]

I think he made the best out of an odd situation. If his brother "stuck it in his face", well, what would you have done? If you had to act off the top of your head, knowing that hitting it away or pushing your little brother away would all get you in trouble, you may have done something similarly odd. He probably wasn't treating it any different than the rest of his little brother, he would have done the same whether it was an elbow or belly. If you make a big deal out of it, than they will think it is something to make a big deal out of.

[bluvelvet]

Wow I have had almost the identical situation happen with me & my child except the incident ivolved another child who is not related to me in any way and we have not had contact with the boy ever since.  Well,  I have a 5 yr. old son who was pretty innocent and little did I know that a 7 yr. old boy I used to babysit, who was playmates with my son has been molested by his 15 yr. old brother for over a year.  Your case sounds like curiosity, I kind of consider you lucky because of what happened with my son.  I am so scared that he will be effected for the rest of his life and feel that he has been introduced to a gay preference and afraid that he likes being that way.  I am so scared, I thought I had my son completely protected from any harm inside our home, but now it is tainted. I found out when the 7 year old asked if he could get into my son't bath with him, I thought well, they are just 2 little boys what could happen?  Well, this boy instructed my son to do his privates like a straw with his mouth and showed him how and my child was doing that when they were caught.  This happened about 4 months ago and I still can't get over this.  I cannot ever erase that image from my head unfortunately.  I am convinced that my child is probably gay and it kills me that all innocense has been lost.  So I feel for your situation and maybe you can feel a little better about what happened with your children, it really does sound like innocent basic curiosity.  I know this sounds crazy but I would much rather be in your shoes than mine.  So, we had long talks about this since it happened and he knows what is right and wrong and rules about privates, etc.....but in the pit of my stomach I am worried that my son may continue this behavior now because I found out that this same thing happened with the same boy before in the playroom in my home on a seperate occasion.  So that makes 2 times my son was exposed to and participated in oral sex with another boy. I will pray for you, please pray for us.