8 year old temper tantrums

[atourwitsend_2]

We have a 8 year old boy who, within the past 3 or so months has begun having extreme mood problems. Throwing things when he doesn't get his way. Refuses to do anything outside of the house. FOr example we wanted to go to Monster Trucks in a few weeks, but he refuses to go. If we do go, he will ahve his head down the entire time and will not even give it a chance. HE would rather play XBox etc than talk to anyone. If he doesn't do as well on a game as the adults do, he will throw the controller and say he is stupid and can't do anything. We have taken Xbox computers away from him, but the problem doesn't end. If he plays a board game with his sister (11) the same thing happens. We had a recent incident with one of the kids at school when the boy didn't stop throwing snowballs at him (even though my son never told him to stop) my son pushed the boy down to the ground. He said, I could tell he wouldn't stop if I asked him to...

He is an honours student at school (Straight A's on his last report card) very attenative etc there. I have talked to the teacher and she says he is a well adjusted respectful boy all the time. The flip side of this is that he will have extreme happy (to the point of being giddy) as well. I have only noticed this behaviour recently, but it has be concerned. Both my his dad and I try talking to him, trying to figure out what is going on, but all I get is the evil eye (when he is upset) or he completely ignores us if he is in a happy state. Any ideas here, we have tried just about every dicispline that we can think of.  HELP anyone have a similar sit.

[RockRose]

witsend - is this a complete change of behavior?  Up until 3 months ago,  he had none of these behaviors?  Not the anger,  or the need to always win,  or the giddiness,  or the reclusive need to sit and play Xbox?  If this is a complete change for him (not just kind of an increase in behaviors that you've seen all along) you should take him to a psychiatrist.  (Not a counselor or therapist,  and actual medical psychiatrist).  

Did he have an infection at the time this started,  or a head injury?  A complete change in behavior - especially since he can apparently control it completely in school - is bizarre and worrisome.

Best wishes.

[atourwitsend_2]

Hi,
Looking back over the past while, I can say that this is something that started probably a year ago and has progressivly gotten worse.  To the point now that it is not manageable. The control at school is what has us puzzled so therefore we assumed it was an attention getter. But even if we do only things he wants to do for a day, we have the same results.

When we take away the "reclusive" activities, things are better, for a time. But do not stay that way. The kids go to Grandma and Grandpa's for a visit every summer for 2 weeks, when I asked my mom at Christmas time if she ever saw this behaviour she hadn't. Only squabbles that normal brothers and sisters have.

There have been no signifigant changes recently. We moved once 3 years ago, and I started working part time (while the kids are in school) at approximately the same time. He has not been sick or had any sort of injury. Only thing I have had him to the doctor for was a bout of impentego after summer camp this year.

He is a big boy for his age, towering over alot of the kids in my daughters grade 5 class, and this new pushing behaviour means it isn't just at home. We are concerned about him becoming a bully and with his size, it is an easy trap for him to fall into.

I plan to take him to our GP for starters and see if there is anything physically medically wrong, IE diabetes, which his paternal grandmother has. But food doesn't seem to make a difference either.

I thought that in this forum I may find someone that has similar experiences and some suggestions for coping for the time being.... Any help would be appreciated.

[socgirl]

Hi there,

Taking your son to the GP is a good start.  Definitely rule anything medical out.  Like rockrose said, a psychiatrist is also a good place to start.  Your GP should be able to refer you to one, preferably one that has experience with children.  Medication may or may not be needed.  I would also suggest asking your GP or psychiatrist about a referral to a counselor or therapist.  Psychiatrist are great, but they primarily deal with medication concerns and that's generally about it.  it's rare that a psychiatrist does any therapy work, or if they do it's very brief.

How do you and your husband respond when your son gets upset?

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I think you are very wise to take him to the GP, it sounds like it is time for him to be evaluated.  He obviously does not have add as he seems to have impulse control at school.

Be careful to remain calm (I know how hard that is when one of the kids is acting out).  Try not to react when he throws his fit.  Get up and leave the room (taking the x-box with you).  As for Monster Trucks, has he told you why he doesn't want to go?  Maybe he has an anxiety about it.  Or maybe he's just being manipulative.  I say go, leave him at home with a sitter if you have to.

[blondie72]

I have an 8 yr old daughter and she'll do the same things - It usually only happens if we have asked her to clean her room or do something she does NOT want to do - When she does that she loses privleges such as - We take her American Girl doll away and for every minute she continues to throw those tantrums it is another day that she does NOT get the doll back.  Maybe you could try that - If he plays video games tell him if he keeps it up that is another day he does NOT get to play - The key is to be consistant.  It is hard but once they know we mean business they are more likely to cool the tude!!!!!!!!!!

[barefoots75]

Contrary to popular belief, spanking is still legal!

[atourwitsend_2]

Hi all,
My login wasn't working for some strange reason and it said I wasn't registered with my email, so I have a new login.

Went to the GP and he is concerned as well, and has referred us to a Child psychiatrist as Rock Rose suggested. They haven't called yet to make an appointment so we wait. There are some blood test the GP wants to run as well, which we will do tomorrow morning.

My son has been better since we saw the Doc, last week and I hoped that this had scared him into behaving, but alas it has not, today was another bad day. He has absolutely no patience I am finding and anything he doesn't understand or doesn't go his way immediately is a melt down. No huge ups in the last week, he seems to have some control figured out on that, but we also haven't seen any of the big lows until today either.

We have tried the not reacting, the calm tones, being consistant, nothing gets through.

I realize that spanking is still legal....but haven't done it in years, you try spanking a 100 lb kid, it isn't something that works anymore. The impact of the punishment just doesn't have the same affect.  

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Your 8 year old weighs 100lbs.  Is he overweight?  Maybe he is being teased at school.

[here4theinfo]

Spanking/smacking is only illegal if you literally "beat" children..Are you the one who keeps leaving anti-spanking comments all over this forum?? Im just wondering because Ive been reading and answering alot of these questions on this forum. When I was young I got both ends, I got "spanked" by my father twice when he had allready expelled all of his other disiplines, basically when I did not listen and "beat" by my mother who would just fly into rages. I was afradi to spank my children, when and if I had any, cause I thought I to would fly off in rages. I have 4 children, they are great kids, but everyonce in a blue moon, when they are either close to the street, doing something harmful,speaking extremely disrepectfully,harming another person/child, or even  my baby touching something she shouldnt etc. I do spank/smack my child especially if Ive allready exuasted time outs, talking, grounding and warnings etc. there has never been any harm done and they realize why they got the spanking and apoligize for there crummy behavior and we talk about why it happend and what they can do to not get in trouble again. Thing magically, there are never problems about it again..By no means do I beat my child/children, but what exactly do you suggest, especially if you have a rotten kid, like some parents do, shall parents utilize in disiplining the child??? Are you a fan of spoil the child, spare the rod? Sometimes rational people need to correct things and if this is the way that the problem is handled best, then so be it. I have met plenty of parents that do not disipline there children and they constantly have problems with them. Ive had friends whos kids are spoiled and undisiplined and the parents are so distraught over their behavior that it ruins their lives and their marriages and their friendships. Children are merely small adults, if an adult grew up getting everything they wanted, or being disrespectful to others, or selfish, they would not function correctly in society, and usually would blame everyone else for their problems, when sometimes all that kid needed was some disipline or a spanking. Geez, what a world it would be if kids could just do and get anything they wanted. The world would merely not function. Parents disipline tactics, the ones that use them anyways, are the judgement of the parent to child. Those parents that over disipline there children will hurt them indeed, and will pay the consequences for it, but it never hurt to get a spanking to correct a problem, Im a firsthand learner....and proud that my parents did such a good job..

[here4theinfo]

To answer the weight comment, I would say yes at 8 and 100lbs, he probaly is getting teased and developing a self esteem problem because of his weight which is affecting his attitude, which is causing him to be embaressed outside and only want to stay inside with his games. Is this a new school? Does he talk about friends at school? Does he eat alot? or often? Eat only unhealthy things? How about if you go out to eat, does he refuse to eat or watch if people are watching him? We have a friend whose daughter is extremely over weight but her parents allow her to eat fast food all the time, when the teacher tried to intervene the mother just switched the girls teacher. Its so bad that my son says she is sick all the time and even throws up at school, she has been to our house and said that the kids make fun of her and the teachers are mean.I also would like to add that it seems suggestive that the problems started at school, so maybe you should talk to people there teachers, aids, principal, lunch watcher, and maybe even go check it out during lunch or break. Maybe there is a kid that keeps harrassing him, or maybe even a teacher. It seems weird that he would "flip" like that and then be so angry as not to talk to you guys about it. Im sorry this has happened but I hope you can get to the root of it quickly before he develops more problems.

[here4theinfo]

I have made a huge mistake, I misunderstood the legal/illegal part of the comment due to a quick scan of the comments prior to posting my own answer...I am extremely sorry for coming across so sternly and I do believe in what I wrote, but I do also believe that I should have read better, I guess I shouldnt spend so much time commenting and I should read through the comments better. I did however find the person I wanted to leave a comment for and I did respond to them. So again, I am sorry for the misunderstanding!!

[flossyrdh]

My husband and I are having the same problems with our 8 yr old boy. At school he is "fine". The teachers say he is respectful at school. His grades are A's and B's. Playing football and baseball,gets plenty of "workout time".He gets down on himself if he doesn't do something correct the first time then he puts himself down.If we are at a friends house and have to leave he gets angry and sits on the floor and does not listen.Bed time is not good either,he wants me to laydown with him everynight. When he gets home all hell breaksout with hissy fits. My husband starts homework with him asap from school. My son does give him a hard time. Then after homework he plays the PS3,that is when the moods change. If he looses he throws the controller,kicks and screams,cries. Once homework(study time) needs to start,he throws the tantrums again. He has been talking to the therapist at school. She said she has no idea what else to tell him b/c at school he is ok.I did findout that the lunch lady at school was giving him a hard time...ie,throwing out his lunchbox b/c he did not pickit up...taking away snacks that came with the lunch. I took care of it...she is now out of his classroom. So my husband and I thought this was the problem and it was over b/c he was happy for a while. But then it started again and now he hates his teacher,hates school,we get the angry eyes. He is so unhappy all the time. Our dr also said to talk to someone. That is our next step. My parents are very involved with my boys lives.Our 5 yr old is starting to pull the same **** but we are not letting it happen. He is more workable. So to sum it up,our house is very upset.

[looking_4_help]

I have an 8 yr old daughter who does the same thing. She is a straight A student and wonderful addition to her class per the teacher. She takes 3 hours or more just about every night to do her homework, even with help. She is a perfectionist and if she doesn't write it perfect,. or the word is misspelled, she screams and tears the paper or cries and erases over and over and over again until she gets it right. Calm voices, encouraging words, finding ways to make it fun.... Nothing works.

We moved about a month and a half ago from out of state. This is not just an adjustment issue for her. This behavior has been escalating over the past year or so. I do know that the move may have added to it, but no way that it is the cause. We have her school counselor observing in the classroom for now. If there is no sign of any strange behavior, then I will be looking to talk to her GP. I see there hasn't been anything posted on here over a year and was hoping I might get some updates from others in the same boat as I am....

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[lovemykids465]

OH Thank God I found this. I am going through the same thing. I have 4 beautiful children. Our oldest we adopted and he has adhd and ocd. I will admit It has not been easy we finally got him regulated with some medication. My teen daughter has a immune disorder and is sick most of the time. Then there is another boy who is a young teen who is a normal teen boy when it comes to bickering and instigating and then there is our 8 year old son who is jeckel and hide. I am at the end of my rope. Same situation. In advanced classes at school plays on the 4 and 5th grade Basketball team even though he is in 2nd grade. Is in Little league even though should be in t - ball. He is an over achiever but when at home if he does not get his way or feels he made a mistake or has to go to bed he screams kicks yells, swears and even tries to hit me. None of the other children ever acted this way. He has many food allergies and is allergic to red dye. We watch what he eats but he still has his moments. What do we do

[Desperate4alittlepeace]

OMG..I can't believe other people have the same situation. My son is 8 yrs old an honor student and on his very best behavior in school. His teachers can't believe how good he is. But at home it is such a different story. Violent tantrums..slamming stuff. throwing stuff..just complete hatred for us. He threatens to jump out windows.

He plays the ps3 we take everything away from him it doens't phase him. We have given him incentive but he is only good long enough to get what he wants. and if he throws a tantrum he begs for a "2nd Chance".

Spankings don't seem to bother him anymore either.  He always appologizes after the tantrum are over but I don't understand why he has such anger towards me.

I have made an appt w/ his dr. too. As he doesn't like to eat much and he is really tiny for an 8 yr old. Barely 50lbs. It seems to me I guess that he needs to see a dr.

[maria280902]

me too

[maria280902]

Never used this site before all new to me. looking for help or mums in the same postion as myself. i have I 9yr old boy I feel he has alwalys been quite difficult but I am now thinking of seeing our dr. he says he hates me has tatums when he doesn't get his own way wether its going to a friend house or xbox. timeout has wornout i feel hes to big to spank as this makes him more anger at me. he throws things and has tryed to hit me when i take away his xbox or ds as punishment for his behaviour. i try to reward his good behaviour with time on his ds etc. but he seems so angry. i am a single mum with a 6yr old girl too. their dad left when he was 6 and does not see them he rings xmas sometimes birthdays they are upset by this. I want to help him, i thought i was alone with this problem getting me down

[pauljval]

Your 8 y.o. sounds a lot like our 10 y.o.  I would describe him as a "jeckel and hyde"  One of his main symptoms is that his "fuse" is incredibly short.  If something small happens he can fly off the handle and throw himself on the floor screaming like you can't believe.  Video games are the worst for us.  He is angry when he is not on them and then is angry when he has to get off.  He can have a major tantrum when he has to get off, partly because he forgets to eat.  That is another major trigger for him.  If he is hungry and/or tired he will become a terrible mess.  I spoke with all his current and past teachers none of whom reported any problems at school.  His grades are fine, but homework can be a serious battle.  I would say on the average day he can have one serious tantrum, like the one prompting me to write this.  It lasted about 30 mins. and was very, very loud to the point that my wife left with our 6 y.o.  to get away.  On a bad day he can have 2 or more serious episodes.  One thing that does not work is spanking.  I still spank at times, but usually just out of frustration.  It just escilates things to the next level screaming louder and crying out of control.  Right now he seems fine, like he just needed to get it all out.  And he may spontaniously say "sorry."  He has been like this all his life.  He also suffered from night terrors, which are mostly over.  There is some connection there I am sure.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  My only real hope is that he grows out of this.  

[j178]

I am exactly the same position any advice would be gratefully recieved my boy is 8 and has suffered also with night terrors from a very young age. he is wonderful in school and can be very loving at home but when he goes he really goes into one. The tantrum that he has just finished lasted for at least half an hour he was trying to hurt me  and was saying a lot of hurtful things. I demanded he go into his bedroom to calm down he went in there and was then being very destructive in his bedroom throwing things and trying to damage whatever he could even if it was his toys. He has now calmed down and expects me just to forgive him. I am able to remain calm throughout his temper I have no idea how I just sat there making sure he was not hurting himself and he hit me tried to break my bracelet and basically used me to release his anger.
My husband and I have just about at our wits end with this behaviour we also have 2 older girls who we never had this problem with they just had normal tempers I have tried to look at his diet and the things I have cut out do not seem to be affecting him. He is able to control his temper when at school though in fact he pretended he was sick the other day got sent home from school and then threw a strop when he got in the car because I said to him if he was not well he needed to go to bed when he got in.PLEASE HELP US

[capt_exhausted]

its been two and a half yrs since your last post did you ever find the "cure" in a matter of speaking? I am having the same issues with my almost 9yr old son he does well in school but at home watch out! last yr at the start of school he was having problems and we took him to the dr and he was diagnosed with adhd and is now on adderall that does help him alot at school but at home it barely helps at all he is a little bit easier to talk down (or should i say was). he is the oldest of my four kids i also have a 4.5 yr old girl a 3.5 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl.  im very scared for them mentally and physically. when he gets going it starts with name calling then moves on to throwing things which lately has gotten really bad ive actually had to go as far and pinning him to the ground. i pin him down until he stops but thats usually 30 min later. he fights to get away and get his hands on whatever he can to throw then if he cant he tries to bite me knee me and growls. i recently watched the movie orphan and the tanturms that she has remind me of his. yesterday when he was getting into one of his tantrums and this was at the very beginning he was pretending he was shooting me with his fingers and told me he was going to get a real gun and kill me. spanking hasnt helped in yrs neither does time out grounding taking away everything. last yr we moved him into the laundry rm and it got better somewhat but im thinking it was just to get back into his room. but weve progressed from i wish you were dead to im gonna kill you. so i need this stopped now. i dont think he will actually do it but everything else needs to stop to the other 3 are learning well not what to do i hope it stays this way. im sorry for rambling im exhausted!

[dana7777]

Many times children with high functioning Aspergers Syndrome are intelligent and verbal, but have difficulty with empathy or understanding other's interests. They are very focused on their own interests and desires. They often have meltdowns and throw fits over seemingly silly little things, whenever they don't get their way or their routines/expectations are disrupted.

[suziet]

Your comment is perfect about Aspergers Syndrome.  AT times my 3 year old seems so intelligent.  He can outwit his 7 year old brother in any game because he makes a quiit assessment on how to win and plays to win. His brother is plotts stratergy.  But if you touch him without permission....meltsdown fast.  I will never get used to not being able to touch him and hug him at will.

[solarmal]

Wow.  My 8 year old son is similar to the other 8 year olds who are angry, lacking self confidence, yet are good in school.   My son teases other kids, but is devastated if he is teased.   He is actually very sensitive to others' feelings, yet he does not want to be left out when other initiate teasing of another kid.   We saw a wonderful child psychologist (for advice, did not take my son) and he basically said that many boys this age are going through pre-adolescence and they become easily frustrated, they don't know where they fit in, and even little slights can turn into big problems for them.   The one constant I see in the the posts above is the problem of the xbox/wii/nintendo.  We are as guilty as anybody in letting our son play too much.   I personally don't want to play games with him because he is a poor sport.   But, when we do, it can be a really good time if he is in a good mood.   Less electronics time is the answer I think.  Hard to do when we all have so much on our plates and these things keep them occupied (until they have a fit and throw parts).    We have sent our son to his room when he had thrown things, then he destroys his room which is actually fine with us.   We have shown him that he should hit pillows when he is mad, and that does help him.   He sometimes beats up his bed.   We need to get him more involved in outside activities, but he thinks he can't do anything.  Yikes!  This is SO HARD.    

[pickles11]

I didn't read all the posts but my 8 ear old daughter is the same however now she has pushed this behavior into school as well and has had a couple tantrums there, involving screaming and banging table legs on the floor. Nothing works and I have tried it all. I took her to a neurologist (pediatric) and he said she had severe ADHD and prescribed Stattera because she is so tiny (only 46 pounds) but now, 2 weeks into it, she is worse than ever and I am not giving her anymore tomorrow. Unfortunately the neurologist is on vacation. I have discussed it with the regular pediatrician and will call her again tomorrow. Her MRI and EEG were normal. She also says her eyes see light unevenly and she gets a "blob" in one eye - all test for her eyes showed normal vision and eyes. My next stop is a psychiatrist. I believe she is bipolar. Bipolar people can be manic over long periods of time. I believe we are coming off a good year and entering he!!

Doctors are reluctant to diagnosis this but in my heart I feel that is the problem. All I want is my daughter to be healthy and lead a good life. The tantrums are effecting me physically and I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I have to think about them as well. I wish I had more to help all of you but at least know you are not alone. I don't know how to handle this and I think it is very very sad. I am so sad for her.

:(