I have two 30-something children who behave worse now than at any age previously. They don't return phone calls, emails, or texts; never have a kind or supportive word; don't acknowledge receiving gifts, or might not even say thank you. They were not spoiled materially; we were poor. They were not spanked (neither was I), but they were disciplined.
To the extent that they acknowledge my existence, they find fault with everything I say, do, think, and even wear. Both have called me a jerk. When I have pointed out their rude behavior and have established boundaries, they say I am "mean".
Both have terminal degrees, are hard-working, self-supporting, and have lots of friends, but they are brats--at least to me. They both live several hours away; I have come to dislike them and really don't miss them at all. I have several friends who are also complaining about their bratty adult children. My son's fiancee isn't insulting, but I wouldn't say she is polite either: she never acknowledged my handmade gifts to her from Christmas. I had brain surgery 3 months ago and didn't receive a card or even a phone call.
my husband (not their father) and I have decided not to leave them anything in our wills. We don't have much, but we do have a house, which I am sure would be much appreciated by charities.
My question is, is there a book to help me cope with a dysfunctional family, at this point? I have a therapist; she told me not to have any expectations of them. I disagree.
Thanks for any help.