Attention Seeking Behavior

[Kitschu]

My 11 year old son continues to be extremely manipulative and is starting to get me into trouble with family. From his birth until 5 yrs, I was in a situation where a lot of physical and mental abuse took place. While my son would often be punished for menial things (whooped with a belt) I would often take the real dmg when I'd try to intervene.

When my son visits my in-laws (not biological) he makes up stories about things that happened to him. I don't want to downplay what he went through, but he is lying to make it sound much worse in order to get sympathy. Now they want me to take him to a specialist because they truly believe HIS abuse has traumatized him. He NEVER does this at home, but when he leaves for those 1-2 mos he does it there.

Other things he does: He would come home for dinner and tell me he did not want to eat. I later found out he was eating at a neighbors, telling her we did not feed him. If I tell him no for anything, he will wait until friends or family are around and ask again, in a way that if I say no, I will sound like a terrible person, or even ask my husband the second he is home from work.

The worst part is, if you engage in conversation with him showing genuine concern, he will play into it. He even once claimed my Uncle, who we visited for a week hit him because his grandma asked him "Did he do anything mean to you?" he instantly put on this sad face and started making up lies to get his grandmother to comfort him, which led to me getting hit by his bio-dad.

He is also having trouble with other children. He feels he always has to be in control of them and makes all of the rules to the game - but always includes special rules for himself so he always has the advantage. For example: Snow ball fight, but if anyone on the other team hits him, their team loses a point. (occurred yesterday) The kids eventually either stop playing with him or get so upset with his behavior they taunt, tease or even physically harass him.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are making a mistake by reducing his behavior to an attempt to gain attention. There is every indication that his growing up has been, and continues to be, traumatic, and that his exposure to abuse and living in an abusive household has damaged him. Not only is it a good idea to arrange help for him, you would be neglectful if you did not.

[Kitschu]

I would love to take him to see someone if it meant this behavior would stop, but I am also terrified that he may use these lies and manipulative actions he has become so professional at in order to get me into trouble... NOT intentionally, because I truly do not believe he realizes the consequences of his actions, but just as a way to get the extra attention from this new "stranger turned friend who will listen to anything I say".