I want to help my 8 year old Daughter

[LA Woman]

My daughter was diagnosed with Whooping Cough in early Aug.2000. This developed into a persistent coughing/vomiting pattern that through medication and much patience & cooperation on her part was finally resolved in January 2001. All things being relative - that was the easy part! As a result of her illness, she has had other problems which she never had before. She had trouble adjusting to Grade 3 with talking and disrupting other classmates, she missed the first 6 wks of school. She had been inside for months & was just starved for interaction. She couldn't participate in physical activity which further hindered her and she had trouble fitting into the already formed "cliques" that had formed in the first weeks of school that she missed. Sorry for the long post, but I think it's necessary to grasp the entire picture. She was also on steroids for 2 months to combat the inflammation and address the cough which was hindering her sleep, activity, school - everything. The sum of all of this is she gained weight because of the steroids, her inactivity due to the coughing spasms, and she now seems to be eating much more than she did prior to her illness - she never had an appetite like this. A girl in her class called her "fatty" last week (ouch!). She was shocked as she doesn't perceive herself as "fat" since she has never had a weight problem prior to the Whooping Cough & it's related effects. I used to worry because she was thin... good grief.

She is a lovely child, an excellent student and socializes well with her classmates and I don't want to see any of this change. I also don't want to make a major issue out of her weight gain, she currently weighs 80 lbs & looks chubby. The social pressures in Grade 3 are incredible compared to Grades 1 & 2. I can't believe the competition, esp. between the girls! I now find myself obsessing about what she's eating but I'm thinking exercise, not "dieting" is the way to go & I'd be happy to exercise with her. To be honest, I'm just so relieved she's finally well again & now we have this problem to deal with. What's the best way to approach this with her? I'm so afraid of creating an eating disorder & want to do this the right way - help! Thanks ; ))

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your daughter is at the age when children pay more and more attention to their place in the group, who is friends with whom, etc. So they can be particularly sensitive to any perceived criticism or rejection from peers.

You might want to consider consulting with her pediatrician about her weight. If it is a problem, let the health care people (including a nutritionist) take the lead in promoting a sensible eating and exercise plan. Then, at your end, you implement the plan of the medical people. This often is more effective than trying to take the lead in your role as parent, because restricting food can so easily be perceived as deprivation, and this is less likely to occur when the family is following the time-honored medical advice.

[LA Woman]

You hit the nail on the head when you wrote "because restricting food can so easily be perceived as deprivation"... my anxiety centres around this issue precisely. Sound advice, thank you for your kind consideration ; ))