Child Behavior

[Tys Mom]

I have a 4 yr old son and I work full time. My son is the only child in our household and I am a single parent. Lately it seems that my son has tantrums and exhibits frequently, unusual shocking behavior in school and with relatives.  When he is embarrassed (usually it

[ladiejl]

Cleveland Mom said--
"They can be more prone to frustration because of difficulties with communication."

I so second this.  How do children show unhappiness, embarassment, frustration?  They scream, cry, kick, bite and hit. They haven't yet learned how to react appropriately or figured out how to control their emotions. They have to learn, as they grow, how to react and respond appropiately.
Bless their hearts because they cant verbally make us understand how they feel inside.

A dog has the uncontrollable instinct to bite. A dog will many times bite the hand of theuir beloved owner.  Not because they want to hurt their best friend but because it's a learned behavior from 1000's of years ago.

I hope my symbolism makes sense. The dog just doesnt know better. Thats one of the only ways to show they feel threathened or upset.

I have worked in a school before and if I were you I would secretly try to find out (spy) and see what goes on when you're not around. What's being done to your child when nothing but little, niave (sp?) eyes are watching??

[rwtantrums]

Our son is delayed in speech, fine motor, gross motor.  The school system, special education can observe and find all the weakness and they build an acceptable I.E.P. (Individual Education Program) just for your child.  They can be reviewed whenever you feel he is not meeting a goal  and are updated for next school year.  Our son has had horrible outburst of kicking, hitting, biting, screaming -- just going bonkers.  He has been diagnosed with ADHD mixed type, mood disorder.  He recently went into a hospital to be monitored and be put on mood stabilizers.  We hated to do this and we cried while he was gone. We could only visit 1 hour a night and on weekends.  It was a very structured program to help and to find out what is going on.   Now at daycare (just got a call), he wanted a seashell to take home.  Teacher says they have to stay at school to enjoy, she redirected as much as she could.  All of a sudden RW hits and kicks and tries to bite.  The other teacher puts him in timeout.  Well, timeouts don't work.  We got the tapes by dr. Phelan, the 1-2-3 Magic -- great, but doesn't work for our son.  No normal discipline works for him.   His psychiatrist said that a child that is PDD will have fits.  He is in the spectrum but not autistic.  He is a very loving child after the fits and says sorry and all that, but it can be very bad, because we and others have been hurt.  Its like he turns into another child or something.  Last nights fit over a waterballoon was the worst we have seen.  We hold him as best as we can until he is done throwing the fit.  Was your son premature?  Ours was - 7 weeks and lacked some oxygen.  He is a very smart child in many ways but is delayed with social skills and cognitive skills and we feel like we are the only parents with a child like this, but I read a lot and find a lot of kids like this.   We have anxiety, OCD, bipolar on both sides.  So I feel this little fella has a lot to learn.  His meds aren't right.  We hate meds but it helps some.  He just doesn't have the right combination.  One day he is happy, next day he is moody, on and on.  
Psychologist check is important sometimes.  Because fits can be more than just the "normal".  I know.  We live it everyday.  

[Cleveland Mom]

Additionally, how is the school addressing his hitting the teachers?  They should be applying the same behavioral consequences that you are at home.

[Cleveland Mom]

Its not unusual for a child with a speech and/or language delay to display problems with behavior.  They can be more prone to frustration because of difficulties with communication.  You mentioned that he is recieving speech/language therapy.  You should also contact your local public school district.  Many districts offer a special needs preschool program.  If he qualfies for this program he can receive addtional speech/language therapy as well as educational services.  As his communication abilties improve it will be likely that his behavior will improve as well.

You still need to address acting out behaviors as well i.e. yelling, tantruming.  Time-outs are an effective.  You should let him know that specific behaviors will no longer be tolerated and that he will recieve a consequence of a time-out.  Give him a warning and if he does not stop the behavior, send him to time out.  He should be in time-out for 1 minute for every year old he is, 4 minutes for a 4 year old.  Being consistent is the key.  If you stick to your plan, his behavior will improve.  Praise is also a powerful way to shape a child's behavior.  When he is playing nicely, is polite, kind etc. give him a hug, a pat or a verbal affirmation "great job"!

Its good to hear that his speech and language is improving.  Best wishes...

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Just as you sought help for your son's speech/language problems, seek help for his emotional and behavioral problems as well. These will not resolve themselves spontaneousy. Sometimes the problematic behaviors children display are normal-spectrum childhood behavioral problems, but other times the symptoms are well beyond the normal spectrum and this is why I am suggesting you seek professional help. If a child has been successful in mastering toilet training, and then regresses and displays daytime enuresis, it is almost always a sign of stress and tension.