Disorder or just Temperament?

[dreamersmom]

My 9-year old daughter has always been rather difficult.  She was colicy, heard every sound and had separation axiety. However, I eased her into groups and transitions and she went to preschool without difficulty. She's verbally advanced and likes writing. She has always been bossy, demanding and doesn't like things to be thrown out or changed.  She has some concerns over other's people's germs, but so far has not interefered with her daily life. However, she has periods of anxiety (usually in the fall), whereby she'll obsess over something (eg. worms, or rabies) and gets many stomach aches at school.  This past fall the stomach aches were so bad, she was given Reglan which helped but caused acute OCD and depression.  It took 2 months to resolve and she's back to her old demanding self. She's bossy, distractable, and often confused by other people laughter.  While she no longer has stomach aches and does ok at school, she often daydreams and is forgetful. Professions who treated her during her Reglan episode say she has an "obsessional temperament" but to watch for return of symptoms. Now I overanalyze every behavior she has or ever had. Should I be looking at ADD, bipolar, OCD or is this just the way she is?

[dreamersmom]

Thanks Chyrie.  We had considered "gifted" in the past but then I didn't persue it enuf.  She writes books (since age two, when she bossed us to transcribe for her), films, directs, makes her own commercials, and even made her own video.  She wants to publish a series based on a superhero she created.  The fact is, because she is impulsive and often unorganized, I didn't think she was particularly "brilliant" in her work, but she is resourceful, using what is available for special effects for example. She doesn't necessarily want to be in front of the camera, but has expressed the desire to "do it all" behind the scenes. She isn't bossy to be mean, but rather to be in control. I hope as she matures, she can learn to cooperate with others in order to achieve her dreams.  I have avoided giving her extra stress, and she prefers to have "free creative" time after school. She does however, take piano lessons and religious instruction.  In the summers, she been going to day camps, but this summer it's one week courses here and there for creative writing, film-direction and art.  I have worked around her temperement all her life, so it's very time-consuming.  I'll either describe her as "difficult" or "high-maintenance" depending on my mood.  I know that gifted children are deep thinkers and can be highly sensitive.  That's her all right.  I will take your suggestion and, i must say, I prefer the positive spin rather than the negative one I've been focusing on.  Thank you.

[Chyrie]

I think one thing to look into is magnet, or advanced, or gifted, programs. Is she a perfectionist? The not liking changes and bossiness makes it sound so. Is she being bossy to be mean, or is it because she is trying to "take control"? The taking things literally, the doing things almost on purpose to upset you....Even the being really creative and good in her classes. You say she day dreams? That she is Obsessive?
What if she is just board? If she really is a perfectionist, and all this sounds to me like she is just that, then get her into something to challenge her! She needs to be challenged. She may be really far ahead of her peers in her English skills, and the fact that she obsseses over one thing may just be her need to do something to stay awake that she can take at her faster pace. I am not a doctor, but I am a childcare specialist, and I have seen things such as this happen before. If nothing else, it wouldnt hurt to try her on something new. Most schools have testing for this sort of thing and provide gifted and talented programs for those that qualify.
One thing you do have to watch out for is her putting a lot of pressure on herself. The lying sounds like she may already be doing this. MAke sure she does take time out during the day for herself.
Good luck, I hope all goes well for you and your daughter. And good luck through puberty.

[dreamersmom]

I'd like to add a little more to my previous comment.  My daughter is entering puberty as well, and I have noticed an increase in her moodiness. She's more likely to cry when reprimanded and is becoming more sassy.  She has friends, but she bosses them around alot and even though we have spoken to her about it, I can hear that she still does it.  I'm afraid she'll lose friends if she doesn't learn to cooperate.  I've caught her lying ("I didn't call my little sister annoying." "I didn't know about the social studies test").  and even though she is almost 9, she still carries around a little toy wherever we go. She wants to be the center of attention and is possessive of me, obviously annoyed if I admire the accomplishments of others. She often takes things literally, almost purposefully as if to get us angry, but seems surprised when we are.  On the flip side, she likes teaching her sister, is highly creative (writing stories and making movies)and enjoys new experiences.  Yet I'm always stressed around her so I don't know what to think.  Does she need further evaluation?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Some children display fundamental temperaments that carry with them certain symtoms of emotional disorders, but fall short of meeting criteria for the disorder itself. The best way to figure this out is to arrange an evaluation by a pediatris menatl health professional. This person can sort through the various aspects of your daughter's presentation and clarify with you what is occurring. Once the diagnostic picture is clear, it will pave the way for sensible intervention.