Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
Estranged daughter possibly incestous relationship with her bio dad.
Estranged daughter (now a nineteens year old) left to live with her biological father after the birth of my daughter with my husband. She was jealous and angry and tried to hit her on the head with a hammer.
After seeking counseling she suggested to let the daughter, age 6 at the time to move back with her father even though sexual molestation was detected but could not be proven in a court of law. Her behavior was strange and abusive towards her newborn sister and would act up after talking to her father on the phone. We couldn't control her outbursts. Courts would not limit contact with her father and insisted she missed him and the new baby upset her.
After she went to live with him she acted as if though she had no idea who I was. They later moved to London taking her with them. My ex married a Pakistani immigrant who wanted a USA Green Card and he wanted a UK green card. He told everyone it was a marriage of convenience and provided a step-mother for his child. She told me that she was raped by her own father and brother and had to hide with a fake name in the States. She also said she was in contact with Islamic anti-American hate groups. He often is attracted to others with no proper sexual boundaries which worries me even more.
After they moved to the UK, I lost contact. No letters, no visits. I went to the courts in the states but they could not/would not help me. I had full custody still and still would not help me.
I finally tracked down her phone number years later and called her at Christmas to see if she received my gifts, letters I sent over the years. She did not and did not know who I was. She told me that her mother was dead and hung up the phone. The step-mother yelled at me and told me to never call again.
Fast forward to the present day. Her father has re-married three times since always to foreign women for Green Cards.
She was raised believing I was dead by suicide even after my sister and family insisted it was not true.
She stayed briefly with my sister but, said she believed I was dead and couldn't convince her otherwise. She took her to counseling after she caught her prostituting at high school in the first week at age 16.
The counselor suggested she go back to live with her father. My sister suspected an incestous relationship between the two. At age 16 she said her father let her sleep with anyone including his older musician friends. She said she was in love with her own father and would go on dates with him including raves, s&m clubs and fetish nights. She thought she was special and told others they'd be married one day.
I cannot interfere because, she is over 18 and lives back in London now.
Her own father and new step-mother took erotic photos of her and tried to sell them online.
She is in love with her own father and no one in my family could help her. She refuses help from anyone and keeps returning to him.
She recently did not contact me but rather my daughter. (half sister)
I am worried.
She has never responded to any of my letters, emails, phone calls or requests even with the help of my family.
But, is reaching out to my young teenage daughter.
My ex still sends threatening and disgusting emails to me and has help from his female friends and wives. I already have restraining orders on him.
I fear he is using her to harass and frighten my daughter next.
I wish I could save her every time I tried courts interfered and said it was normal behaviour. My first counselor said it was normal for men to have fantasies about underage girls and even their own daughters so I was being a prude. Mind you his daughter was only 5 at the time.
I feel ill and helpless.
advice is appreciated.


Cancel
7 Answers
Page 1 of 1
757137 tn?1347200053
Your most important job is protecting your teenage daughter. Morally corrupt people try to corrupt others. Your older daughter is beyond the pall. She cannot be helped. Stand guard over her uncorrupted little sister. This may mean cutting off all contact with the incestuous pair.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I realize this is a few years old, but for anyone in a similar situation who sees this, I totally disagree with this comment. Yes, absolutely, protect the teenage daughter. That, perhaps, is the first priority. However, I do not believe someone who is 19 and has been abused all their lives (or at the very least, since age 5) is beyond help. She is acting out because she's never known a normal relationship with her father! She was raised, God help her, in an environment where her father being sexually attracted to her was acceptable, normal even. She was told her mother was dead and is now trying to reconcile what she's always been told with what she is being told is reality. Ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I would argue there is a strong chance she could be affected by that, because she has been around such an unhealthy parent who is really the only constant (that we know of) in her entire life. The women were always in & out, so all she had to depend on was her father. I had that with my mother (who, thankfully, is the best ever so at least it was a GOOD person to depend on) and know how having just one person in your life through all the change & upheaval can make that bond extremely intense. Shattering it will feel impossible & will in fact be extremely difficult, but it can be done. She need professional help, love, and support. Again, yes, protect the teenage daughter you have - and, as much as it ***** to say this, I'd choose her welfare over the other daughter's if it comes down to choosing, if the adult daughter makes it impossible to support both. The teenager is the one who knows you as her support & defender, and is still a child, whereas the other daughter is grown. I can't blame the daughter for her desires (though she is responsible for acting on them) when she's been raised as she was. It's a terrible situation for all involved, but I don't believe she can't be helped.
Comment
Cancel
973741 tn?1342346373
I do agree.  I would never give up on my child even as they enter adulthood especially if I had anything to do with the situation.  And in this case, I do think both parents had a hand in this.  I'd not lose contact in the way the mother did with her child.  My child would never think I died of suicide because I'd never allow myself to be that absent that all they had was letters.  It sounds like she had issues early on and it was decided she was too hard to handle and allowed to just go away.  there is culpability on the parents part that did this.  Don't know what is going on with the father and daughter.  There is always hope for all.  Therapy can be a marvelous thing to turn life around.  
this is an old post and I do wonder what happened in the end.  
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
thank you.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My ex has sent his new wife, female friends now to try to befriend my daughter online. They are trying to gain her confidence by complimenting her and to befriend her. I warned her and she's confused why anyone would do this.
I've explained as best as I can.
He is playing it safe avoiding threatening her directly to avoid more legal troubles.
This harassment towards myself and my family has gone on over 20 years now. Thank you for your advice.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
757137 tn?1347200053
He is now engaging in yet a higher level of moral corruption. I would get your daughter off Facebook ( I presume that is how they are trying to reach her). Also, have her change her e-mail address. And you should change your phone number.

If I were you, and if I were financially secure, I would head for the hills and leave no forwarding address. Your poor daughter is in a very dangerous situation. You are going to have to sit down with her and explain "evil."
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
thank you, I have explained evil. I helped her block all of them on fb and explained why.
My younger daughter is from my current marriage and he has no legal rights to see, visit or contact her.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
757137 tn?1347200053
Well, you are doing all the right things. Good luck to you and let us know if we can be of help.

I forgot to ask. Are the police or other authorities aware of what is going on?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
yes, but he lives in another state and that state refuses to get involved unless he makes a violent threat.
thank you for your advice.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources