Extreme Aggressive Behavior

[helplessstepmom]

I have a 5 1/2 year old step son who was taken away from his mother at 3 years old. He has lived with us since.  He has huge anger problems at home as well as at preschool and kindergarten.  He is very aggressive to other children and hits them violently.  He had pretty much no discipline in his life for the first 3 years so we have tried to turn this around.  In the last year and a half the mother has been allowed access which is every second weekend.  When he returns from his moms the school has a very hard time with him they know when hes been for a visit.  At the last visit with mom he got angry with his 11 year old brother and proceeded to hit him several times in the face with a hockey stick, when approached by his mom he just screamed and had a temper tantrum and this continue for over an hour. His mom could not control him so she had to phone her mother and get her to calm him down. He seems to be doing this alot lately.  With this behavior he tries to run away from school when he is in one of his episodes.  We have tried timeouts trying to talk to him but will totally avoid making any sort of eye contact.  He says things that are untrue about what his mom tells about behavior.  In my eyes he should not be talked about in front of him he is way to smart he knows and understand what we talk about.  I am very frustrated on who to deal with all of this from coping with his mother and how she disciplines him.. On the other end he is a very loving affectionate little boy who acts like he has been deprieved of these emotions.  I really need some ideas on how to discipline him and a very firm way.  

[MadonnaM]

It sounds like he should get some proffesional counceling.  It sounds like when he gets angry it boils past a certain point and he can no longer control it once it reaches that point.  There is no calming him down until the anger is gone.  I have a student in preschool that is exhibiting the same behavior and timeouts do not work.  What I am doing at this time is trying to intervene when I notice he is getting agitated and angry.  I will then ask him if he need to "sit" and calm himself down.  Perhaps you could meet with his teacher and come up with some sort of behavior modification plan. It is so difficult especially when the behavior turns violent.  I have also suggested to his parents to seek some counceling for him which they are more than willing to do at this time.