Help Please

[MichaelLynx]

my fiance and i have been together for almost 10 years now, her and my oldest son (from a previos marraige) have come to such a head in anger toward each other that i cannot handle it anymore. it is tearing our family apart. we have a 5 year old son together also. but, he and she always says i treat the other as they treat me. and they treat each other like garbage. we have been going to family conseling, but now the fiance says she is not willing to go (because the counseler said everything i have been saying for years) that both of them are at fault. they both do anything and eveything they can to set the other off. my oldest just turned 13. he is not the easiest child to deal with. but, she will not give him an inch, she is so strict with him but, lets our 5 year old do anything he wants (so there is a lot of resentment) she will not see this or try and remedy it. i could try for hours on all this but, i am so at my wits end i do not know what to do. i cannot let my son go thru this anymore and i cannot loose my youngest if we break up. even if you tell me anything that makes sense i am not sure if i could even get her to listen or realize as she thinks she is always right when it comes to him. she calls him evil, he is no where near perfect but, he is not evil. he is just striking back to her trying to get retrubution on what she does to him so it is a never ending cycle. it is tearing me apart and not fair to our youngest as it is not healthy for anyone to have to endure or deal with this daily all day long. any suggestions? Please help!!!!

[bigblues101]

I would have called the police If I had kids that try to kill one othier brothers.

[Brooke050870]

Fiancee, I am very sorry.  As you pointed out, it appears that not all of the information was provided in the original post.  If you think this relationship is worth saving, and you are already in counseling, do you think this counselor is helping your family?  Do you think it might be time to find another counselor who can better serve the needs of you, Michael and your children?  Again, I apologize to you.  It doesn't look like we were getting the whole story at first.

[MichaelLynx]

this is The EVIL FINACE responding I am not evil nor am I childish, The father Just not see all the bad behavior that his son does behind his back and he does not want to face it and so I HAVE to protect My youngest son from his oldest brother. His oldest brother tried to drown his 5 yr old brother in the pool just 2 months ago and he has also physically attacked me and also made up lies about us and his father knows this.

I Will walk away from this just so that Brett and you can be happy and so I Can't be YOUR PROBLEM and You can be happy but next time just make sure that when you post comments about our lives that you post all of the truth as in how and when Brett attacked the 5 kids in school and left Bloody welts on them and when he killed the kitten and his suspensions from school and off of the school bus  and his admittence when he attacked me and left scars on my arm in March and how mean he is to shayne and other to adults and how his own grandmother doesn't even want her at his house because of his behavior and his atitude etc........I'll get out of your life Michael

[Brooke050870]

I grew up in a stepfamily.  My mom was not married to my real father and when I was almost four years old, she married a man who had 3 kids of his own.  He was never nice to me, and from the beginning, even as little as I was, he picked on me.  I was too afraid of him to strike back, and my mom acted like she didn't see that there was a problem, even though everybody else could see that her husband didn't like me very much.  I grew up resenting him and to this day I think about the way things were and it makes me very angry.  It drove a wedge between my mom and me for quite a while.  It sounds like your fiancee is extremely childish.  She has no business calling your son evil.  She knew you had a son when she got involved with you.   It sounds like you need to let your finacee know that she needs to really make an effort, along with the rest of the family, to work on this problem...or that you may not be able to  continue your relationship with her.  And then get yourself a good lawyer so she can't pull anything underhanded where the 5-year-old son that you and she have is concerned.  Where is your oldest son's real mother?  Does he stay with her part of the time, or does he live with you full time?  Don't let your fiancee come between you and your oldest son.  The pain that will come from a destroyed relationship with your son will last a lot longer than the pain you will feel if things don't work out between you and this extremely childish-sounding woman.