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How do I know if my 3 year old is telling the truth about molestation?
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How do I know if my 3 year old is telling the truth about molestation?

My 3 year old daughter told me last night that my husband (her father) cleans her pee pee with his pee pee. I was shocked so I asked her to repeat herself, and she said, he always does that stuff, so I said, what stuff? She then said, bad stuff. I honestly do not believe that my husband would do that, but I want to protect my daughter and if by chance he is doing what she says, I want to have it investigated. This is why I don't believe that my husband would do this: 1. my husband's brother raped my husbands friend when he was 12, and my husband testified that his friend confided in him, his brother was in prison for 17 years and he hates his brother for what he did. 2. my niece and nephew has always been comfortable around him and love to be at my house. 3. My daughter doesn't act weird or sad around my husband, and misses him when he is not around. 4. My husband doesn't want my daughter around my grandfather alone because my grandfather is a little too touchy feely with his grandkids. 5. My husband has no history of being a molester (a family member did an extensive background check on him before we got together), and he has been in relationships with women who had small children before he met me (there have never been accusations made by those children that I know of). 6. My husband got into trouble for physically assaulting a man who raped his friend's young daughter. 7. My daughter has been caught telling fibs. She told my fiance that there was a man here while he was gone, and there really was no man or any person at all that came over. She also said mommy, stop tickling my pee pee, but I was tickling her stomach. She knows the difference between the 2, so I don't know why she said it. There are many times where she has said things like that, and my husband and I always wonder where she comes up with such things. 8. After she said what she said to me last night, she changed it to, Daddy cleans my pee pee when I take a bath. I told her that daddy has to clean her pee pee when she takes a bath. I also confronted my husband, and he seemed just as shocked as me. When he talked to her, he asked her why she said what she said in a calm manner, and she said because you clean my pee pee when I take a bath. She takes baths at night, when we are both home, and I have watched him wash her body before, and it never looks like he has intentions other than just giving her a bath. I don't know what to do. Should I bring it up with her again? Should I talk to him? Should I check her out or have her checked out? She never complains about her pee pee or butt hurting. The only thing strange that she does is say that her underwear is stuck in her butt, and she will digg it out, but when I asked other parents about it, they said that their children did similar things. I want to keep her safe and I want to believe her, but I also don't want to do anything just to find out that this is not true. Please help!    
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Avatar_f_tn
This would be really hard to have on your mind. I can imagine that you are lost and dont know what to do. I would say just keep and eye on your daughter and maybe ask her every once in awhile if anyone has touched her pee pee. I was molested when I was about 5 by my step father and I never told my mother becasue I was so scared and i thought that he loved me since he was my father figure so i wasnt sure if it was wrong or not. Eventually my mother asked me specifically if anyone was touching my privates and I told her. I think it is ver important to ask you children about this issue. I have 2 daughters and the oldest is 6. I have been asking her and will continue to ask her, usually monthly or if she spends the night at anyones house(even family members), if anyone has touched her private. I let her know I wont be mad and I am just making sure because it is not a good thing. It would be a hrad situation because you want to believe your daughter becuse the accusation is so serious, but you cant imagine that your husband would do anything like that. I wanna say just be careflu because you can never be sure who is capable of of molesting a child.
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Avatar_f_tn
Children this age are not capable of making this type of thing up. This is her daddy and she loves him and trusts that what he does is okay.  This doesn't make her love him any less, or not want to be around him.  If you are watching, of course he's not going to do anything inappropriate, and I think I would start bathing her myself.  I would have her checked out to start with, and then keep a very watchful eye on her and your husband.  Your husband has a brother that acted in an inappropriate way sexually, so this type of behavior is in the family.  He seems to be a little too familiar with this, and having so many cases of this in his life and him always coming to the rescue.......not sure I buy all that.  It's almost as if he wants to present with the apperance of loathing what he actually is, to throw off suspicions.  If you are present when your daughter is with your grandfather, he cannot be too touchy feely, but still your husband plays this up big time. One in 3 households have sexual abuse going on, and where would your little girl have come up with this so young, or at any age?  We never want to believe our husbands would do such a thing, but like you said....you need to protect your daughter.  She's too young to make this up.  It's common for a mother when told by her daughter that her father is touching her inappropriately to think they are lying, the truth is a tough pill to swallow.  It may just be that your husband has never been charged, the mothers didn't believe the other little girls, maybe they never said anything to their mothers.  Men who abuse have ways of keeping the little girls quiet, and at 3, she doesn't even know it's wrong, she's trusting daddy to not do anything to hurt her.  She even thought it was okay to share it with you, how innocent is that!  I went thru it as a little girl, and my mother called me a liar.  I left home early, and one day got a call from my mom that my sister had approached her about my dad doing this to her.  Again, my mom was furious and called my sister a liar!  I was able to rise above it all, but my poor sister has been messed up all her life over this.  Trust in what your daughter is saying, and think about how often your husband has been involved in these things with him always being the good guy, it just seems abit fishy to me.  I know you feel like the sky just fell in on you, and I do wish you all the best.
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Avatar_f_tn
i worry about the same things with my children i think its every mothers worry that someone you trust someone your children would trust would hurt them in this way. I do know you could take her to a child pyscologist (i know its spelled wrong lol) and they can do an observation of her and they can tell by the way she would act or play with dolls in a certain way if she has been touched or anything of that nature. i hope this helps
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1027094_tn?1327433332
I'm really NOT sure what to tell you. It's NOT something I'd take lightly. The fact that your husband as been around alot of bad people like that, would make we think twice. And IF he IS doing it, he's NEVER going to tell you. And people like that have a GOOD way of putting on a front to others so they wouldn't believe they would ever do that. I'm NOT trying to scare you by saying that. I would bring it up with her again. When daddy NOT around, NOT even in the house. It's a HARD situation, but I would NEVER take any chances with my son.
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1027094_tn?1327433332
I completely agree with mammo. Kids that age just don't make things like that up!!! They don't! She's 3 for god sakes. Where would that come from???
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Avatar_m_tn
right kids at that agewouldnt make that up, unless they are watching it maybe and imsure you dont let your 3 yr old watch porn, on the other hand as for because he was around bad people is a crock of $h*t, my husband was around people like that growing up, obviously not by choice, and was eventually take outta the home, but that does not mean he i going to do things like that,( thats like saying because his dad is a murderer he is gong to be a murderer) i agree with worriedkymom take her to a specialist and goe from there
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1350925_tn?1277388125
I agree with babymomma18. Just because u are around something doesn't mean u will be that way. I was abused as a lil boy till I was old enough to get away. I'm not a child molester. I say believe uer child. Kids that young don't come up with stuff like that out of the blue. If it wasn't her daddy it could be someone else she's learned it from. Becareful who u leave her with. Her dad sounds like a normal father, before u do anything talk to her and ask her about it. If she changes her story then don't worry about it. If she keeps the same onE. Then take action. If she is being abused it may be another adult, and they could be telling her to blame her daddy. Is she Ever alone with her uncle? Also, if she has seen his penis, ask her what it looks like. If he has soemthing specific down there and she tells u, then there's ur answer.Good luck.
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535822_tn?1389452880
I agree with mammo children of that age do not lie ... maybe if you are undecided here go to the expert/doctor forum and child behavior and ask them...if she said it was her father then it was. So you better not leave her or any child alone he is at risk doing this to others .perhaps you better ask advice from child services .,this has to be dealt with nasty as it is for you.
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Avatar_m_tn
i also agree with yngdad, it could be another male in her life, im not saying its not the dad, but i also strongly disagree that cuz of his life growing up( the people he was around) does notr mean he is gonna do it too.
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Avatar_f_tn
When this type of behavior is in the family it is possible that others have a predisposition to it.  I was abused as a child but never abused my own and God help anyone who did,  But you have to keep an open mind about these things and not be so defensive!  Nobody said this is written in stone, but being closed minded does no good when it comes to this type of behavior.  It's a known fact that children who are abused  often  become abusers themselves,  Not saying everyone, but this woman needs to keep an open mind, I don't understand why all the defensiveness.  I wouldn't be offended due to eduacating myself on this topic.  It makes osme keenly aware of how wrong this is, while others see it as a natural thing.  Relax......nobody is accusing anyone of anything.
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Avatar_m_tn
well no im not getting deffensive just my oppinion, i do agree with you for sure, this is a hard subject and i feel so so bad for this woman who is in this situation
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't ever mean to offend anyone, but having been a victim of child abuse, my heart aches for this little girl and her mother.  I think we all want what is best for both of them.
Take care.
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535822_tn?1389452880
Yes we do and all avenues have to be looked at to protect her , whoever it was , unfortunatly it does happen a lot.particularly in families. I too hate the dillemma moms are put in but protecting the child is the most important thing.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think that kids can't make up sexual activity as they don't know about it, however, sometimes the person they accuse is not the abuser, sometimes they pick a person who is safe to them because the abuser could have threatened them.  Watch her behavior/play for more symptoms, explain to her about good and bad touch, remove her father from the option of being the abuser by not having him give any private care.  Therefore, if she says "daddy did this" you know that it may not be him as he wasn't in a position to do anything to her.
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Avatar_n_tn
My husband and I have our grandchildren once a month for 5 or 6 days.  Around three months ago our 3 year old granddaughter started complaining to us that her pee pee hurt.  Our grand daughter also started using the word ***** and ****. She started putting her baby dolls together when she was playing and started making smooching sounds and pushed them together as if they were having sex.   Our daughter mysteriouslly died a year ago. Our grand daughter told me that daddy was showing her a picture of a bad man and that he told her that if she did not do what he told her to do that the bad man was going to come out of his phone and that he was going to hurt her. Last month she woke up around 1:30 in the morning while she was visiting screaming and yelling out that her pee pee hurt.  She was uncontrollable and started telling me and my husband that daddy had hut her bad.  I asked her how daddy hurt her and she told us that she could not tell Nannie because daddy told her not to talk to Nannie about it because it was a secret.  This month she started complaining to me that her pee pee hurt and I decided to check it this time.  It was not like a heat rash or a normal problem little girls have.  Her vaginal muscle was real red and swollen.  I have never asked our granddaughter questions about my concerns because I didn't want to make her afraid to talk.  Our  family went to the zoo and out of the blue our precious grand daughter put her arms around me and told me that  daddy had a stick with something funny on the end of it, and, that he told her the bad man in the picture was going to hurt her if she did not do what he told her to do, then, she told me that daddy put his penis in her body.  It makes me so sick that parents and grand parents wonder if their child or grand child are telling the truth.  WAKE UP!!!  We have  to believe our children and grand children. My husband and I took her to the emergency room to see if she had a  bladder infection and the doctor Left the exam room returning to ask us  if we knew if anyone had hurt her in her vaginal area or if we thought any one was sexually abusing her.  We had to tell him our concerns that we had.  For the love of our children...and grand children...listen to these children.  A three year old does not make up lies about sex unless they have been exposed to it or they are being abusesd by someone sick in the head.  Thank God... Our concerns are under investigation.  PROTECT YOUR CHILD!
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535822_tn?1389452880
May I ask what happened to the father and werechild services  called , I see you did all the questioning, did her mom get involved in any way ?
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Avatar_m_tn
First, let me say that I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to believe, but you really need to believe your daughter over your husband.  Part of my job is reading police reports, court transcripts and arrest reports for court cases.  You would not believe the number of children who have come forward and told that a parent/grandparent/trusted family friend/babysitter or whoever was molesting them and nobody believed them.  Then, years later, it all comes out and now the child's life is ruined, they don't' trust anyone and can't have a normal relationship.

I have a 4 year old who just turned 4 and I know what you mean about fibbing, they are good at it and do it without even batting an eyelash, however, I know that some things are just beyond their comprehension and they can't just make that up.  If you have ANY doubts that she is lying, if you EVER caught him or even get a little suspicious, you should act on what she is telling you.  The reason I even came across your posting is because my child was overheard telling another kid at daycare to touch his pee-pee, I am desperately trying to make sure it is just a 4 year old kid thing and NOT that he is being molested by someone.

For the time being, until you can gather some more facts, maybe ask her again in a day or two without asking leading questions and make sure that for right now you do all the bathing, bathroom help etc and don't leave him alone with her for even a minute.  That way you can say for  certain that for this many days it is impossible for anything to happen between them.  If she tells the same story in a few days, I would say seek professional help, a doctor, counselor, the police, whatever you think is needed.

I know this must be heart breaking and scary for you, but my younger sister and I were 4 and 5 years old when we went to spend a couple of weeks with my Aunt and Uncle for the summer.  My Aunt was working nights, so she left us with my Uncle while she worked.  He not only molested both of us, but on two occasions had a friend of his come over and they both molested us, together.  We were threatened not to tell what happened or bad things would happen to our Mom.  We NEVER told anyone until we were adults and even then, nobody did anything about it, my Aunt (who isn't with him anymore) even said that we should forget about it because he "found God now" and is the pastor of a church now!  Shortly after this happened, my Mom starting going to night school, when my little sister was 5 and I was 6.  Her friend has a teenage daughter and a teenage son who would babysit us.  Not long after they started babysitting us, the teenage son would ask me to play "house" with him.  He would be the husband and I would be the wife.  Again, I was threatened not to tell, and one time I did say was going to tell my mom, he chased me through the house until I was stuck up against the outside door and punched the door just over my head, putting a hold in the door.  He then told me that if I ever told my mom, the hold would be in my face next time.  Needless to say, I didn't tell my mom.  

The files that I read at work are heartbreaking, fathers, step fathers, brothers, step brothers, grandfathers, uncles, trusted friends, pastors, teachers, coaches and more.  Nobody is immune it seems.  You really need to trust your gut instincts here, but be hyper vigilant also. Your daughter needs and deserves your unwavering faith in her if what she is saying is true.  I cant' stand to read a file where the child has confided in someone and that person refuses to believe her and she continues to be abused because there is no one to help her.  Hopefully the answer will be that she is making it up, but please be sure that is the case.  I am thinking about you and praying for your family.
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535822_tn?1389452880
Good post Angelsmama...I t would be good to hear an update from CMM
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Avatar_f_tn
get ur daughter examined and get your husband out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
I would have her checked by your pediatrician. She would have no reason to make this up, she is ashamed that´s why she changes the subject (to saying that daddy washes her at bathtime)  Please keep a close eye on her (everywhere), place cameras, be very aware at daycare also. Support her, talk with her, explain to her that no one can touch her private areas. I would not let him bathe her if I had doubts. Maybe it´s not happening at home, maybe it´s somebody else.
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Avatar_f_tn
its really hard to believe that a little girl would just come up with that out of no where.. kids dont say stuff like that unless it really happens..my advice would be to take her to a doctor and let them examine her to make sure shes alright. thanks for reading! i hope this helps
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Avatar_f_tn
did you ever find out what happened?
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1212365_tn?1329972136
Similar Situation!!!!
My daughter who is now going on 4 lives with me full time and bi weekly visits her father... During the summer he asked if she can stay with him because he wanted to sign her up in a summer camp and I agreed that would be fine... So when she comes home its like for 2 days I was not working she was always with me... She went back and told her grandma (dads side) that my fiance had kicked her in the back and threw her against the wall... I was like um that never happened because for one I was always with her except when she is sleeping... Time goes by I let her stay with her dad for a few months because my house is boring and I know she has a good time over there.... So recently we fixed a schedule on visitation... we are back to her living with me and him his visitation... I don't work just go to school and when i'm at school she is with her dad.... I pick her up from dads and my daughter is crying her brains out as always because she doesnt want to go home with me... Nothing new!!! She tells me that my daughter said that my fiance hurts her pee pee when he cleans her and that he touched her down there... I was like WTF!!!!! And I explained to her thats a lie and huge lie... I know because I care for her I watch her I bathe her and her sisters together..... And she kept saying she doesn't lie never lies... My daughter lies all the time.. So I asked my daughter several questions but not jumping directly into the situation at hand and I ask Did angie hit you? yes! (my other daughter) Did mommy hit you? Yes!!! I don't hit her no need she gets scared just by my tone in talking to her... then I asked about my fiance and she said no, i asked has he touched her down there she said no.... I asked if shes afraid of him and she said no. I asked if she was afraid of me and she said yes and I laughed.... Her grandma said she is going to call the cops on him and have him arrested and I say thats not cool because i know that did not happen...   I took my daughter to the doctor and they said she was fine and to see a specialist.... Now its just a matter of waiting to see what this woman will do... BTW!!!!! Her dad hates whomever i'm with and suggest that i marry him.... So they will never be okay with whomever I'm with and to ruin his life they don't care..... I KNOW MY 3YR OLD LIED!!!! AND YES THEY LIE!!!!!! FOR SOMEONE TO SAY THEY DON'T LIE IS CRAZY YOU MUST HAVE A CHILD THAT NEVER SAYS ANYTHING AT ALL.....
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Avatar_f_tn
Idk.. Wuts goin on here.. But I do kno that my husband would be getting his *** kicked right about now. I swing first and ask questions later. For her to say that about her dad is true bcuz if it wasnt y would she say it? She changed it when u confronted her bcuz she doesnt want her rapist dad to get in trouble. And for u to b on here askin wut to do just goes to show where ur priorities are. We are two totally different people.
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535822_tn?1389452880
totally agree with you gangster why would a small innocent child say things like that ...he is a molester and moms are enabling it if they are in denial  
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Avatar_m_tn
Children NEVER Lie about being molested. It has been well-proven in the Psychology/mental health community, so if your child says she is being molested, believe her. Unbelief may cause problems later on in life. I was molested when I was about 4 years old, I was repeatedly raped and sodomized by a babysitter and her 3 eldest children over the course of one year. My parents never believed me, and while I have gotten over the abuse as well as could be expected, I have never quite been able to get over the fact that my own parents never believed me about being molested, and now as an adult, this has caused me problems with depression and alcohol abuse.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well its kinda sad to hear that and I pray for you and your daughter. But My son was accused of TICKLING my friends sons peepee.

But what happend here the lil boy didnt say it was my son that it was his cousin, but my friend is going threw a divorce and lives with me until she can get back on her feet. And her ex dont want her living with me so he is trying everything he can to make her life a living hell,  because she left him and has moved on.

Heres what happened. Lil boy was in school and was nap time and was heard him telling a boy to touch his peepee. So teacher asked why he did that and said I dont know then she asked who does that to him he said his cousin. Well teacher called the dad and mom,  but mom was out on a crusie with her boyfriend which his dad had him that week. Well dad came to school and picked up son. The next day he came back told the teacher to call cps abouy what happend. Next thing you know they arrest my son because he is accused of touching the lil boy.

My son is never home he is always at church with his youth group doing things with the church. When my friend has her kids which she gets every other week cuz she has them a week and then he has them a week(ect..) on the weekends they are their my son stayed the night at my friends house down the road cuz it would get crowed so he would leave. He was never alone with the lil boy cuz I was there all yhe time and so was his mom.

He always tells on someone if the are hitting him looking at him with his sister they always fight like kids. So I would think if it were true it he would have said someone to one of us.

When he comes from his dad he always wants to tickle us and catch him tickling his sisters and my daughter and her friends on their private I had mentioned this to his mom and she got after him for that and did nothing else. One day I caught him chasing my dog pylling his pants up and letting the dog lick his peepee. I told my friend about it and went to him and asked why he was doing that and he would say I dont know.

Well for me all this is a custody battle because my friends ex was so controlling of her and now that he is not he wants to make her life hell because she has found somone that teeats her right so he didnt know another way to hurt her,but taking kids away and because of that my son was involved in all of this.

I know he is my son and I would believe him,but something like this is serious I talked to my son and asked him if he did touch him and he said no mom I would never do that and I truelly believe he didnt even my friend and her family knows how my son is and that he is
never home or alone with the boy.

What I am trying to say is that you have to make sure before you accuse someone. And yes the boy was checked and nothing was wrong with him.

So the ex got custody of the cuz because she was said to be an unfit mother being it happend under her care and lost her kids and now he calls the shoots of when she can see the kids right controlling her again. Well my friend figured well since I only see the kids on weekends she would move with her boyfriend who lives out of state and would come in on yhe wekends to see kids. Well guess what he finds out that tshe wants to move and tells her he was sorry that she should have kids back because kida miss her,but now she cant move because he wont let her move the kids out of state. While their lives are back to normal my son still has to go trial for this which he was wrongly accused.

So yes sometimes kids can lie for someone else not knowing its a right thing to do but an adult can easily coach them. So make sure she is checked out and ask her questions like everone else said. I hope all goes good.
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Avatar_m_tn
I am so sorry you had to go through so much as a child. My heart breaks reading that happened to you. Please know you have Jesus as a savior you can count on and trust in. I hate that these things happen, and I just wanted to share that I will pray for you and healing on this.....
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Avatar_m_tn
My input.

No, kids don't usually make these things up - especially not 3 year olds... UNLESS somebody tells them what to say.

Personally, I would spy on him. Catch him in the act... Because if he's doing it... It will become more and more frequent, and he will take any opportunity when left alone with her. They can't help themselves. Watch, wait, then pounce.
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2136621_tn?1355125587
YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE YOUR CHILD ......a 3 YEAR old will never make up stuff.....like this..........

It is shocking because the people who do these kinda things - are the ones we love......or our family members......
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Avatar_m_tn
The problem with asking a child frequently about whether anyone has been touching them can often lead to the child thinking you want them to say yes. they might feel when they say no and you ask again that you are not satisfied with their previous answer.
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Avatar_m_tn
This can be a very tricky and stressful situation. Having seen friends involved with cps I would say not to be too hasty to involve them but do not take too long either. Cps has a history of taking children away from mothers for not protecting their children against this situation even though the mother had no idea what was happening. what I would do (You do not have to take my full advice) Is take her to the doctor to have her checked. this will not only help you to find out if this is going on but there will be a record of you showing concern and investigating your child's allegation.  

Is there anyone you know of that may be convincing your daughter that this is happening. This is actually a very common situation. Like if there is someone that has a grudge against your husband. It cold even well be someone else that is hurting the child and making her accuse another to stay in the shadows.

  The main thing is do not directly ask you daughter is anyone has been touching her. Sit down with her and ask her question like "how was your bath tonight?" beat around the bush.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have been dealing with my daughter's situation for three years now. My daughter has told church members, neighbors, teachers as well as myself what is done to her at her dad's. At the age of three, she told my neighbor "Daddy, Marcus and Uncle Scott made her pee pee hurt." My neighbor freaked and told me. I then contacted my daughter's therapist and hotline was made. A hotline had been made by my children's med dr as well. As a result, my ex and his wife accuse my three older boys regularly. My daughter is six now and still talks about Uncle Scott. Her latest comment hurt because my dad wanted to get me pregnant when i was 13. She said "Uncle Scott is going to give me a baby in my tummy." All I could do is shake my head. I have had to witness her behaviors as they escalated over the past three years. She is now considered Severely Emotionally Disturbed and has severe behavior problems. What good do my instincts as a parent do, if the courts don't acknowledge it. They go about it backwards. If there is suspicion of abuse, then the child needs to have supervised visitation. I know it's been frustrating. I want to protect my daughter, but no one will allow me to.
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Avatar_m_tn
My daughter made a outcry to me that her father had touched her at age 3 iin her private parts. I take every step i can to protect my child and cps does a interview, well my child doesnt disclose so they close the case. A few months later she makes another outcry. Long story short we have had to deal with cps 4 times over same thing and finally at age 4 she did interview and disclosed what he was doing not only that but he was going to kill me. And the father was asked to take a polygraph and denied.  Im fighting to protect my daughter from him brcause she still has to see him reason being what she is saying isnt enough to arrest him. I cant believe there are sick people who can do such thing to such innocent kids. my prayers go out to families going through same or have been through same.. I just hope i can save her from this MONSTER! No child can make stuff like this up.
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Avatar_f_tn
when I was little my brother malested me and my mom called me a liar!! It ruined my life.
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No I'm sorry I am a mother of two and children at the age of 3 or older for that matter children DO NOT lie about things like this.  First off where on earth would they have the reference to make up something like this, children should be innocent without sexual understanding of such things unless they have been exposed to something sexual. You're don't have an understanding of sexual things or body parts being put together unless it is taught to them, NOT at the age of 3.  They maybe curious about their own bodies and the differences between boys and girls at a more advanced age such as 8 or older, but unless they are exposed to sex they don't have a reference for it.  It's like saying a child would know math, reading, and writing without it being taught to them.  Too many people want to close their eye to the truth; it can happen in any situtation, babysitters, parents, grandparents, family, church, schools, anywhere; we must believe our children in situtations like this and NEVER EVER FOR HEAVENS Sakes make them feel bad for it; as if they don't feel bad enough they are victums of abuse and if the person they trust to tell calls them a liar or doesn't believe them; then well you failed them! You fail to protect them and that should be your greatest and most important concern.  I know of several people including my Mother who was sexually abused as a child and when they told their Mom's, they were not believed either.  Well guess what it turned out to be true in all the cases.  With my Mom, though my grandmother still doesn't want to expected it 50 years later. My friend's daughter with her grandfather; now that man is in jail. He got away with it for 25 years.  Turns out he raped both his estranged grown daughters as well, but they were always too afraid to come forward until they 20 years later they found out about their dad abusing his adopted granddaughter.  It happened to my brother as well, my a older boy.  Who by the way went on to become an associate pastor of a youth group.  My brother was too embarassed and ashamed to tell anyone; until 10 years later when my brother saw on the news that the guy who raped him and had became an associate pastor was arrested for raping children at his church.  It happens people; it is sick beyond belief.  It is of EXTREME IMPORTANCE that we believe, support the child and have the situtation investigated by outside sources and I would say go beyond the police.  Talk to your doctor and a child therapist!!! Don't confront the suspected abuser unless you can completely remove the child from being around them, because otherwise you put the child in further danger and give the abuser an advange.

As for children lying, there is a MEGA difference in children pretending and making up other kind of stories verse coming up with Sexual Stuff - again unless they are expose to sex or see it on TV in detail, they are not going to have a reference for it.  NEVER CALL A CHILD IN THIS SITUTATION A LIER, AND FOR GOD'S SAKE BELIEVE THEM AND PROTECT THEM!  IT THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB GOD HAS GIVEN YOU!!!

This was an old post I am praying this Mom did the right thing and protected her daughter.  It is not something anyone would want to believe of their spouse; I understand.  However the little girl that was raped over years by her step grandfather (who she had know since birth).  Well her grandmother didn't want to believer her either, because she had been married to him for over 15 years.  But it turned out the little girl was telling the truth!! Sad thing that she wasn't believe either at first, it allowed it to continue for longer.  Praise God, that man is now in jail. For more than 20 years he got away with raping his daughters, who knows who else, and his granddaughter; until finally a little girl spoke up and bless her heart, it took over a year before she was believed.  LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS!!!  

  
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I'm so sorry to hear about your situtation with your daughter.  It's absurd that the court system would not protect her! I'll be praying for you.

I would say, research everything you can about getting help in your situtation.  Ask around, research online, ask other people. I understand you maybe in a situation also where finances come into play; I am not made of money and lawyers cost.  However the legal help you need is out there, the right person with the right legal answers to help you and your daughter.  Also you may already being getting mental help for your daughter as well, but if not its out there too and you should be able to get her help for free.  

I would look up legal cases of child sex abuse on the internet or contact a legal department with a college and ask for help with this research.  I would find the prosecuting attorneys in these cases, probably from other counties or states even.  Hunt down their contact information and call them and ask for help. They maybe able to give you excellent legal advise over the phone.  Every prosecuting attorneys ultimate goal is to put away the bad guy; even if it the scum bag is being put away in another area country in another court system.  They want justice for the innocent.  It may take a while to find the right person, but they are out there.  Someone has the legal answers and help you need, you simply have to find them.  Someone is also out there that can help you and will not charge you, because in a case like this, you shouldn't have to pay to protect your daughter.  

Don't give up!!! Keep asking for help.  Also if you're not already, seek mental therapy for your daughter, you should be able to get that for her too for free.  This could help out greatly in getting your daughter away from her abuser.  Not to mention it will help her in dealing with the terrible situtation she has been going through.  

I'll will be praying for you and your daugther that she will be free from this injustice very soon and will be able to help from it!! God Bless

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Please over look all the typos, I have MS and can barely type anymore.  However I am very savy at research, the answer and help you need is out there.  Don't give up!  

And if you're not already please take your daughter to therapy.  Free therapy for the sexually abused is available all around the country, there has to be something in your area.  It will help her and it will help build the case to get her away from her abuser.  And if you are already, you're doing what you can for her, for the time being, until you can get her free from this situtation.  Some prosecuting attorney, law student, or professional has the help you need and I bet they will help you for free.  Don't give up!!

God bless!
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The below website is a VERY HELPFUL website/article for anyone on here looking for help!!

http://www.maryellenmark.com/text/magazines/life/905W-000-024.html
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IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR ANYONE NEEDING HELP WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE OR SUSPECTED ABUSE!!!

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION

Child Sexual Abuse: What Parents Should Know

http://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/child-sexual-abuse.aspx#

Ask for help -
There are a number of organizations focused on providing assistance to families dealing with child abuse

a. American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children
(312) 554-0166

b. National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
24 hour hotline: 1-800-THE-LOST

c. Child Help USA
(1-800) 4-A-CHILD

d. Prevent Child Abuse America
(1-800) CHILDREN

e. Child Welfare Information Gateway (formerly National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information)
(1-800) 394-3366

NCTSN – THE NATINAL CHILD TRAUMATIC STRESS NETWORK
http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/sexual-abuse

WHO SHOULD I TELL? QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT SEEKING HELP AFTER SEXUAL ABUSE

http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/sex_abuse_disclosure.pdf


LEGAL ADVOCACY WITH CHILD VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE (SEXUAL VIOLENCE LAW CENTER)

http://svlawcenter.org/section_resources/resource_files/CSALegalAdvocacy.pdf


(OLDER ARTICLE – HOWEVER ALL THE INFORMATION STILL APPLIES TODAY!!!)
http://www.maryellenmark.com/text/magazines/life/905W-000-024.html

LIFE MAGAZINE – THE CRUELEST CRIME
SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN – Dr. Renee Fredrickson
(Still In Praticing)

Dr. Renée Fredrickson, Psychologist- Specializing in Child Sex Abuse
1248 Bucher Avenue
Saint Paul, MN 55126
(651) 646-8373 (Office)
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I am so so sorry about your granddaughter and your daughter :(

I do wonder though....why did it take you so long to get her checked? I think from your story I would take away.....to get them checked ASAP!

Thank you for sharing.
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last year my 4yr old grand daughter said her moms boyfriend and now husband touched her down there and hit her and her mom so we call and question them then my grand tells my landlord that her moms boyfriend pinched her really hard the stepfather did admit to the hitting
so to skip to this year now all of a sudden the mom and her now husband is saying my grand daughter told them that me and my son (her dad) has touched her down there and that she dont want my son her dad to go to jail.....now there is definitely a lie somewhere these people are making this up because we confronted them my son and i have asked if we can take a polygraph this new husband has been nothing but problems now all of a sudden we are touching my grand daughter after all this time i am fed up with these people; i have question my grand daughter and i must admit her story keeps changing about her step father then i ask my grand daughter did spongebob touch you she says yeah then i will say do the kids at school touch you down there she said 4 kids at school did the same thing then the stories will change she say no spongebob didnt do that then weeks later he did i do believe something happened but i also believe its behavioral problems also i am devasted  holidays without my grand daughter we also have retained a lawyer cant wait til the truth comes out that lady is going to find out she married a bad man
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I am sorry you have to go through this, I think that is the way to go for you to get a lawyer and have it sorted out ,unfortunately for the child it does sound like some molestation is going on so getting to the bottom of it is the most important thing for the child good luck lt us know the outcome
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I am sorry for those that have gone through the real abuse, but YES CHILDREN DO LIE ABOUT THESE THINGS, THEY SEE IT ON TV ALL THE TIME, THEY TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT IN SCHOOLS AND ONCE YOU MAKE THAT ACCUSATION YOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK, AND ONCE THEY CONVICT THEY CAN'T TAKE THAT BACK.  BE VERY CAREFUL.  My husband was lied on by my own cousins daughter, and my nephew constantly lies about being abused and tortured at our home.  He has psychiatric issues and this is why he does what he does but that doesn't make life any easier with him, but it doesn't mean that we love him any less either.  I just thank God that everyone sees through his manipulation.  Trust me sociopathic behavior starts at an early age and they can learn quickly what it takes to get everyone to get on their side.  Be very careful.  Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see.
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i separated with my husband and he wants to see his 3 year old daughter, reading all these makes me worried and scared to let her with him, he is adicted to alcohol and pornography. he is running a business and busy all times thats why i left him. hes an abusive man but have time to watch porno all night at his workshop. i have an appointment at the family relationshp next week because he apply to that he wants to see his daughter. do i have the right to say no because i am not trusting him?  what can i do i really need to protect my daughter. please help
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Yes in my opinion you do have that right and tell them about the Porn they will decide if he should have supervised visits .your gut is telling you whats right.I wouldnt be happy to leave my child alone with him ...good luck let us know what happens
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the acussed father is still a father
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the truth is far and close for a acussed father .as a acussed father its hard to sit and wait for investigation to find  truth
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this stuff makes me sick to read
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as a dad i always put my 3 year old in a small tub with little water and left the bathroom beacuse thet is what she asked for .
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Get you're daughter to a child psychologist as soon as possible, they know exactly how to talk to these children and the one I took my son to said 99.9% of the time the child is telling the truth especially at this age.
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i have twin girls age 3 they are staying with their dad right now and they were visiting my parents on new years and went home crying saying papa (grandpa) touched me and they both said this but at different times idk what to do or say im sick to my stomach this is my father they adopted me and my twin brother at age 3 and i don't think he would do such a horrible thing but where does a kid come up with this idk what to do ???
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Oh my gosh...why would she make that up¡
This is why kids get molested because parents never believe us....
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and where would the references to your research be, on a .com site, or on fox news?

kids are capable of a lot more than anybody would like to imagine, and are often times smarted and more informed than people give them credit for. that being said, always believe a child when they make such serious accusations but remember that talk is cheap and a court will require actual physical evidence. kids can be easily manipulated to say things that never happened. it has been proven multiple times. they have active imaginations, and don't know right from wrong or can be told things are right when society knows them to be wrong and vice verse.
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You should absolutely take her to a specialist, this is not something you should take so lightly. You love your husband and that will put you into a world of denial. Perhaps she changed her story bc you and your husband were harping on it, or maybe he put it in her head that what she was sayirng was not true, and as for the man she saw children see things most adults don't like spirits and ghosts. You should have heard what she told you and taken a different approach the only way you will know for sure is to take her to the dr. even than you can't be absolutely positive unless her Hyman has been broken. Please even if there's a huge doubt in your mind get it checked and don't call your child a liar. You need to believe her until something proves otherwise, and not just your husbands denial. When I was really young my grandfather did things to me and I still loved him and always wanted to be with him bc I didn't know it was wrong until I was an adult. So just bc she still loves him and wants to be around him proves nothing. Adults and children that age have completely different logic. If my child told me this my husband would be out of our house until I was absolutely 110% positive he didn't do that. Children that age can not lie.
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I was in a similar situation as you. My daughter was 3 and a half. She told me her daddy show her a lady bug on his pee pee and a butterfly on his bum. I confronted him and he denied it. Years later it ate me up inside and destroyed our marriage. Finally when I went to counselling, the therapist called children's services. But by then my daughter was six and didn't rember anything. I know exactly how you feel. My husband said the same things that yours did. I will never know the truth but the other posts are correct, a child that age is to young to make up stories like that. Always take every comment seriously. Secondly, as my counsellor and child services reminded me; it is EVERYONE'S responsibility to report comments or situations regarding a child's welfare. By reporting you are only the messenger. Chid services has the tough job. If you want to make it easier on yourself, go to a counsellor and tell them. They will tell you it needs to be reported and when they do you can ask them to do it. If your husband is angry at you for telling your counsellor then that's his issue. You were scared and needed to talk to someone trust worthy. Good luck. Your a good mom for caring. Above all remember what your legal responsibility is as a parent and as a citizen.
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I forgot to mention one more thing. Child services are very, very experience at these sorts of situations. Just because it is reported doesn't mean your husband will get in trouble. They will interview him and your daughter and make their own judgements. Think of it this way, it sounds like you love your husband and daughter. If you don't report it or in the least talk to a professional you will always wonder. You will worry about it forever, and possibly not trust your husband potentially ruining your marriage. Worse yet, you may not forgive yourself if he does it again and hurts her. Telling someone puts resources and people on your side, even for your husband if he is angry. Best of luck.
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Please help, my daughter has just turned to and she says that her nanny has touched her coocoo, that is what she calls her vagina. I have cameras all over the house and we trust our nanny. She is great to my daughter and my daughter loves her. We havent seen any behavioural changes or redness on her. I asked her who touched and she replied that the nanny had touched her. Has anyone experienced somthing like this?
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Believe her. You can't afford NOT to believe her. Children do lie, but if you don't do everything in your power to protect your child JUST IN CASE, you are in a way implicit in the crime. My parents didnt believe I was being molested as a child and it went on for three years while my older cousin had free access while babysitting me. Even now my mom thinks I exaggerated some of what happened. I was two when it started, five before they found enough proof to separate us and press charges, which my idiot parents dropped so as not to tear the family apart.
Whatever your doubts are, you need to believe her and rabidly protect her until you can have professionals investigate and see what's really going on.

If you doubt her, and you're wrong, the stakes are so high I can't even tell you. I tried to kill myself so many times over what happened to me as a child, and have suffered from insecurities and intimacy issues and fear my entire life as a result of what happened.

To those of you who want to believe your spouse...of course it's hard to believe that someone you love and trust could hurt the most important people in your life's your kids. Of course. But I would rather falsely accuse someone, than miss a terrible crime being perpetrated on a child who God trusted to my care. Every time. Hands down.

So whatever your doubts, go into it as if everything she's said is true.get professional help..if your husband, nanny, grandfather, family friend, aunt, cousin, whoever.,,if they are truly innocent they will want the truth to come out too. They will comply with the investigation, they will stay away to prove to the police they mean no harm,,they will do whatever it takes t ensure the welfare of their child and hopefully if they are innocent the truth will out.

But God forbid you're wrong, and they're not innocent. Just remember what could be happening to your child if you're wrong.

It's hard and my heart breaks for any parent going through this sort of fear and uncertainty...but first and foremost we must protect our kids.
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At the age of 3 most kids have trouble putting together sentences...I would not let your hubby know.It will show him u think he might do it.But keep an eye out on her *****.See if it looks torn.Or set up a secret dock apt for her and dont tell no one.Just cuz his brother is sick dont mean he is as well.  
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Please tell me what you have found out.  I have a 3 year old that has told me the same thing, daddy washed her wee wee with his wee wee.  She's gone in to detail that it happened on the couch, inside and out, et......   DCF finds normal findings in their interview.  She's stated many other similar things in nature but now denies all of them...similarly to your child.  I know my daughter has been harmed.  I'm hoping you can give me an update on your situation.  thank you
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If your husband is innocent, he should have your daughter's best interest at heart and will agree to her being examined and getting counselling. Regardless of what is really happening she needs professional help. If he doesn't, I would find that suspicious. The mother of my children knew that I was incapable of doing this sort of thing because she knew my sexual preferences intimately.  But if there were ever any questions, I wouldn't have had any problems with her being with me whenever I was around my children.  In fact, I would have insisted on it, if I were in the same situation as your husband.  In my opinion a man has to be extremely mentally ill to abuse a child like this. Do you have any reason to believe this is so?  


Actually this is a very old post. Just wonder what has come of the situation?
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I understand that my daughter told me that someine at her school touched her i called cps aand after the forinsic interview she didnt say nothing bout it and then she told me her mommy that my fience touched her licked her vergina and but and i was shocked...then i called cps agian on my fiance and she never said nothing bout my fience touching her so they told me to keep her away from him.idk if my child has caught us in the act but it crazy my life upside down please help too many stories been told and they cant tell me what is goin on but she will be going to a counsulor to see whats up
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i think u need to bring her in to see a doctor. please do not let this situation go. shea not saying it for fun. shes seeing this some how and i believw its being done. if you really love your baby u will take her in and from there make decisions. but please please get her checked. it doesnt hurt to be safe. if she grows up n notices its wrong, u will be the one she hates! bcus ur allowing it. that ur hubby and u love him bt honestly ur kids come first and the love they give u is better then anyone elses love in the world. thats a fact. ill choose my daughters love over my boyfriends my moms etc anyone!
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Avatar_m_tn
kids this age do make things up just to see what kind of reaction they get. My three year old son started saying off the way things. He told me mom to kiss his pee pee the other day. I was mortified. Kids don't realize the things are bad. They are just seeing what reactions they get, and what things are. My son is always trying to put his hand up my shirt, or want to touch my ta-ta's and said Im going to lick your ta tas. I told him that was nasty and we dont talk like that. But because I freak out on him every time, he says it more and more! He has gotten worse, and pulled out his wienie in front of his 2 year old cousin and said touch my pee pee... it is ridiculous and embarrassing! I dont want people thinking my son has been molested, or that we let him watch nasty movies, or we do or say things in front of him. He also has been saying he has a pretend sword and he is peter pan and he is going to cut my neck off and ill be dead. He laughs about everything that I tell him not to say, and that is wrong. I dont know what to do anymore! But for people to say that kids just dont make things up is DUMB! They dont realize what they are saying, or that they will get people in trouble. My son is 100% boy and always is rough. My mom asked him what happened to his arm there was a bruise on it. He looked right at my mom with me sitting there and said my mommy did it, she likes to hurt me. Then started laughing, and said Im just kidding, the door slammed on my hand. Mom was trying to help but the wind was too strong. I dont know why kids say things or do things, but i just wanted to add this story.
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Avatar_m_tn
It's possible that she picked up the story from a kindergarten friend.
Just putting it out there!
I picked up some weird things from my cousin when i was 5 or 6 and she would have been 8 and initiated some sexual play with me (I won't go into detail, she was a kid too and I wasn't too traumatized by it all, just midly annoyed as I would prefer we play barbies). I remember for some reason saying to one of my school friends while riding a bicycle that the seat felt like sex. My school friend thought this was hilariously funny and rode back to the house to tell my mother my joke. Of course my mother did not find it so funny, and I only remember trying to convince her that I don't even know what sex is was pretty difficult. Of course when it came out many many years later tat my cousin was sexually abused by her father tins seemed to make sense to me, I to this day havn't told my moter about any of the games my cousin would play with me.

ANYWAY, just be aware of your little girls friends, look closely, are they all okay or anyone sowin sins of damage?

All the best <3 <3
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You know- you must have never went through someething like this before so i dont know where you get off saying anything. first of all-for her to be on here asking for help is the first clue that she is absolutely doing the right thing.i am going through a similar crisis, and all i want is answers. 100 people may respond, and 99 of them may not bring anything helpful, but for the one that does, it is totally a faith restoring, hope giving event. and that one right answer or insight might just be the answer that ends the abuse. so take your judgemental-never happened to you opinion to a chat room for people who like to meddle and refrain from giving other people in crisis advice on something you obviously know nothing about. as for the mother of this girl, trust your instinct. dont take any chances on your daughters safety and trust what she is saying. i do believe that the person she indicated may or may not be the one, but like i said- dont take chances. she is your everything, as you are hers. protect her. i would rather be wrong in my actions and thoughts while protecting her, than being wrong in my decision to not. regret what you have done to protect her, not wish that  you would have. and wouldnt you rather her daddy be mad at you for protecting her-which is a cliche in its own self-(thats what a mother is supposed to do, even if it comes out later you were wrongfully informed by whoever)-than have your daughter wonder why (now and for the rest of her life)--why her mother didnt protect her? rthank you. and your welcome. i just answered my own thoughts and question. god bless.
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I believe just to be on the safe side you should give your child baths.  I don't kno why a child would lie like that but you never kno. If she continues to say that maybe you should get it investigated
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I am very confused right now .. I was told on thanksgiving that my grand daughter was touched by my bf.  She said he touched her private .. he said he woukd never touch her .  She has an appt for a physical tomorrow so we will see this appt has been made for months .. so I will go from there ...
If so should I get her to see a counselor so I can make sure it was him ...
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Hey
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Children who are this age would never make something like that up! It's just not possible. She is three so she isn't going to school yet, where else would she get that from? If you are always keeping an eye on here then seriously where would she learn that from? It is easy for men to molest children at that age especially a family member because those young children trust them, in this case your daughter obviously trusts her daddy so no matter what he does to her if he says its right she is going to believe him and maybe she's open to it because her daddy told her this was normal. I believe you should keep asking her and if her story stays the same I think you should have this investigated..if her story keeps changing I would keep an eye on her anyways just to be safe. I hope that this situation isn't molestation. I wish you all the best.
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