Hyper when Home

[JSass]

I have a daughter who will be 5 in a few weeks. She is very shy and always has been from very small. She is very well behaved out of the house, relatives home, pre school, stores/restaurants ect. This is because she is quiet and does not talk much when around others. When she is home she explodes. Not so much with bad behavior but just very loud and all over the place and talks back when told something to do or what she can not do.. She can drive us nuts at times and pushes me until i yell. I have just ordered the SOS book and do use time outs but it only works for short periods. She is very bright. Why such the opposite behavior? Is she well behaved because of her anxiety outside the house? What else can be done?

[jdtm]

There is another possibility - what you have described is the behaviour common to children suffering from extreme anxiety - specifically "selective mutism".  And yes, her behaviour outside the home will appear "behaved" when, in fact, she just might be "stifled from fear".  Then, when your daughter returns to a perceived "safe" environment, her stresses are released and "all hell can break loose".  We lived this scenario for several years.  The best site on the internet re this information is "selectivemutism.org" - I might suggest you peruse this site (especially the FAQ's) to see if these descriptions remind you of your daughter.  If so, then the issue is more than just behavioural.  Please let us know the results of your reading.  I wish you the best .....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The striking difference in your daughter's behavior is an indication to you that the parent/child interaction should be the focus of intervention. You should refrain from yelling, and instead be calm and persistent. You are correct in pursuing the SOS strategy. It will be effective, but remember to implement it just as it is described.