troubled 7 yr old

[lostmomof6]

I have a 7 yr olddaughter who has been smart since day 1. She gets excellent grades in school shes very alert and bright she an sit and hear you read a book and rememberize it word from word. The problem is she acts out a lot i mean everyday she does something she fights her siblings. Shes very disrespectful towards everyone. She curses hits back. I took everything from her i mean everything toys recess game activities and she still doesnt listen to me nothing works. She throws tantrums she lies a lot she starts arguements in our home for example she tells her dad that i have men around her if i dont give her what she wants and if he doesnt give her what she want she tells me she was playing with his phone and a girl text him or sent pictures. She has put body wash on the stairs for me to slip and fall i messed up my side. She has made me fall down the porch stairs. I dont know what to do with her someone help me with answers i love my child but im losing control of her

[Sandman2]

   I am sorry to hear about your oldest.  There is nothing worse then losing a child.  
   The things you do with her are good, but the problem is that they are not daily things that happen in the home.   I am guessing that you just might depend on her to help out with the youngest ones.   I know that you can not turn your back on a 3 and 2 year old.   I think that maybe you need to take a lot at your daily routine.   There is something going on that does make your daughter different at home then (apparently) at school.
    Also, do take a close look at the post above I did on anger.   If she can learn to express herself correctly, I think a lot of this will end.

[lostmomof6]

She gets more than enough attention i make sure of that i take her out to the spa with me i take her to the movies i take her on walks i take her out to eat all this one on one just me and her because i know how it feels to be the oldest im the oldest so i take time with her because i know its hard but she still acts out im tired she takes the attention from the others due to her misbehavior example i took her to the nail shop she all in these ladies convo i tell her to mind her business she goes and peel her polish off and tell me she hate me. Then we at the restaurant she doesnt want the food ok cool i take her to chuck e cheese she plays for a while and then shes fighting out of nowhere. We go to the park she says she wants her sisters i bring them too their playing a little girl comes to me and says your daughter is acting like a boy she grabbing between her legs i make her sit down a hour and half later my daughter comes and says lexi pulled her pants down and peed in front of everybody she does things for no reason she is a compulsive liar

[lostmomof6]

She is the second oldest. But she is the oldest alive i lost my daughter before her and the rest of her sisters are 6,5,3,2

[Sandman2]

     Opps,  just noticed that you are a mom to 6 kids?  if that is what your name means?   Where is she in that order?   At any rate, I do think especially if that is true, that a lot of this is attention getting.   If so, besides the behavior modification things mentioned above - you might want to consider trying somehow to making her feel more important and giving her a bit more attention.  I would have to know more about the family dynamics (ages of other kids, etc) before making more specific suggestions.

[Sandman2]

    Actually her siblings are  part of the problem.  She had the parents undivided attention for years and now she doesn't.  She is intelligent and looks for ways to gain attention.  I am not sure that it is as bad as Rockrose posts based on the few examples given.  If she was also doing all of this at school, I would also be a lot more worried.    Check out this link on 7 year olds - http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/7-year-old-child-is-out-of-control-/show/6364
    There are 130 posts.  This is not real unusual behavior at this age.
    Part of the problem is that taking everything away - just doesn't work.  Buy "SOS, Help for Parents,"  by Lynn Clark.  She will give you a system that will work.   The following is a post I did for a 6 year old boy.  I think you will find it helpful.
      "I am sure that at school he gets told "no" and apparently doesn't throw tantrums.  So, he does have the ability to control himself.  Unfortunately, he has kind of "learned" that his tantrums work for him.  This is not that unusual for smart kids.  Fortunately, they can usually pretty quickly figure out when things are not going there way - and try something else.  
   And a 6 year old boy can be a force of nature.  I always thought my kindergarten/first grade teachers were absolute Saints for dealing with them.  
    Oh, do you have any younger kids (say around 2 or 3)?  Sometimes these things start as attention getting and escalate.  If so, there are a few additional things you can do.
So - do realize that possibly that some of the things you want him to do maybe aren't real easy for a 6 year old.  So cut back just a bit (not a lot) on the do's and don't list.  Try and redirect when possible.
  But mainly don't, "spend a large portion of my day saying "the way you are acting is why we aren't (insert whatever activity here)" and he doesn't seem to get that... "  Talking to him just will not work.  And talking to him when he is having a tantrum - won't work.
   The rule is that when he starts a tantrum - he gets a short timeout.  And the timeout does not start until the tantrum stops.  He will go nuts for a while.  Just keep repeating - "as soon as you choose to stop your tantrum, the timeout will start and 2 min later you can ..."   Do not try to reason with him or talk with him while he is yelling.  You are just playing into his hands.
  Essentially, the rules for behavior modification are that there must be immediate, short, consistent consequences.   Do not expect overnight miracles.  It has taken him awhile to get to this point and it will take a while to relearn control.  But he will.
   I would also look into buying "Cool down and work through anger" or "When I feel angry". This is part of a series of books aimed at 4 to 7 year olds and meant to be read to them at night (several times) and then practiced.  Kids do need to be taught how to deal with anger.  You do not try and use these techniques while he is screaming.  But once he stops or later on in the day - you can refer back to them or pull the books back out.
You can find them here -  http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5"

[RockRose]

I think you need a lot more help than this board can offer,  lostmom.  

This child is very dangerous.  The only thing you can do now is form a rock solid wall between you and her dad and make it very clear to her that if she tells some outrageous lie,  she will not get away with it because you will turn to each other for the truth,  and not believe a thing she says about the other parent.

But beyond that,  you need to seek professional help for her.  She is dangerous,  and you are all at risk for serious injuries.

I wouldn't say you're "losing" control of her. I think she's already completely out of control,  and it's only  a matter of time until she puts rat poison in someone's food.

Best wishes.  You need to seek help now.