Last ditch effort for help with 7 year old's behavior

[flowermom]

Please help!  I have a daughter from a previous relationship and am now happily married and have a two year old son.  My daughter had me all to herself for four years.  Since my husband and I have been together, we've struggled with my daughter.  We have been to sooo many counselors it is ridiculous.  We have gotten different answers and we feel that no one is hearing us when we tell them how bad things can get.  Our daughter is VERY strong willed (that is the only answer we've gotten from therapy) and I have not found anything to work.  We've done timeouts, reward charts for good behavior, praised her good behavior, ignored the bad behavior, addressed bad behavior, yet every few months or so, she gets into a "funk" where nothing works.  Today for example, she started off the day by yelling at me and calling me "fatty" when I punished her for ripping something out of her younger brother's hands.  The rest of the day has just been a whirlwind of her getting in trouble.  She has NO issues at school, Dad says she listens to him when she's with him, yet, my husband and I feel that she treats us with NO respect.  When we tell her to do something, it is always "no", "it's not fair", "you're mean".  Is this normal for a seven year old girl?  

[Cleveland Mom]

If you are using a sound plan targeted at changing negative, inappropriate behavior into positive appropriate behavior consistently you will see remarkable results. Once we started seeing results from following a plan that we developed from this book, my husband and I started feeling more confident as parents.  

I was frustrated with feeling as if I was being controlled by my 4 year old and 2 year old.  I was sick of yelling and feeling totally frustrated.  I also was feeling guilty because I knew that I was not helping my kids develop emotional maturity and self-control.  All kids need these traits to be sucessful in school and in life.   Parenting isn't always glamorous neither is some of the advice that we hear.  I am so glad that I took the time to read this book and set up our behavioral plan.  Now, my husband and I are in control and our whole family is happier.

[Cleveland Mom]

If you are using a sound plan targeted at changing negative, inappropriate behavior into positive appropriate behavior consistently you will see remarkable results. Once we started seeing results from following a plan that we developed from this book, my husband and I started feeling more confident as parents.  

I was frustrated with feeling as if I was being controlled by my 4 year old and 2 year old.  I was sick of yelling and feeling totally frustrated.  I also was feeling guilty because I knew that I was not helping my kids develop emotional maturity and self-control.  All kids need these traits to be sucessful in school and in life.   Parenting isn't always glamorous neither is some of the advice that we hear.  I am so glad that I took the time to read this book and set up our behavioral plan.  Now, my husband and I are in control and our whole family is happier.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As I read the reader's reply (and her experience is typical of parents who have utilzed Clark's book), I noticed my error in listing the book. The title is SOS: Help for Parents, and it is published by Parents Press in Bowling Green, Kentucky. It is available in larger bookstores, through Amazon.com or other internet sites, or through the publisher (1-800-576-1582). For parents who are interested in helping children manage anxiety, anger and depression, the companion book SOS: Help for Emotions, is very useful and practical.

[Cleveland Mom]

The book SOS:Help for parents is fantastic.  I purchased it a couple of weeks ago and put a behavioral plan based on it into action with my two kids, 4 and 2 years old.  Within 6 days, their behavior has improved remarkably.  They are now following directions after being asked only once.  They are getting along better and we had the most peaceful weekend ever over the recent holiday weekend.  They are even better out in public, grocery store, library etc.  It presents very simple techniques to shape your kiddos up with.  Best wishes...

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Some contrary and oppositional behavior is normal for all children, but not in a persistent, intense fashion. It sounds like your daughter is more defiant and oppositional than would be regarded as within normal limits. The fact that the behavior occurs only within the home indicates that the focus for intervention should be on the parent/child interaction. If you want to remedy this situation, please consider the following. Obtain a copy of Lynn Clark's book titled SOS: Help for Children. Follow the program to a 'T' and you will see very good results.