MY 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN WITH THE WRONG CROWD AND SUICIDAL

I am praying for some advice, I have a 12 year old daughter, she started secondary school in september 07 and at first things seemed to be going very well, she took to it like a duck to water, but over the last 3 months things have taken a turn for the worst. It started with a bullying incident at school, my daughter was involved with her best friend, they ganged up on a girl and phyically pushed her head on to the desk, I was shocked, she is such a lovely girl usualy, ( shes a champion gymnast and represented her junior school on the school council)  so i  and grounded her and took away privilages at home, things settled then i get a call from the school from her geography teacher, saying he had left the classroom to deal with a boy, and as he walked out my daughter had locked him out and would not let him back in! I was horrified, apparently she was egged on by her school friends, they were spilt up and again she lost her privilages, there are more incidents that have happened in these months, to many to mention, the last being a stealing incident in Sainsburys, again with her school friends! My grave concern is that she is so easily led, and is paniced about getting her school friends in to trouble, and she does not want to be left out in the cold and friendless, there fore she does what ever they ask her to, she is getting deeper and deeper in to trouble, she insists everytime that she will not do it again, that she wants to be good but worries she will be called a goodie goodie and get bullied, she told my last night she wants to kill her self, I am extremly worried that things have got this far in such a short time.  The school have been very supportive, and for a time we all thought we were getiing some where until the stealing incident, that in my mind has gone to far and i am anxious to sort it out, what do i do with her, do i change her school to get her away from the influences she has there? or will she end up the same we ever she goes? I have looked in to parenting classes also and am on a waiting list. Any helpful advice would be most appreciated, Am i doing something wrong?

[pam780]

Yes your right, i have already spoken with her on many occasions about this, saying she does not have to follow, she needs to find her self, im just not sure she is strong enough to do this. I think that the councelling might be a good option, i know the school offer a councelling service so i will discuss that with them and my Daughter. Do you think a change of school maybe a good idea? she has begged me for a fresh start at a new school, but i fear the same will happen were ever she goes.

[April2]

I agree with the others. Switching schools or even homeschooling her for awhile might be the best thing here to get her away from these kids. We had to do that with my daughter. She was a follower too and had hooked up with the wrong crowd. I wish I would have pulled her out sooner when I first saw signs. Things got pretty bad for awhile there. The others are right. At this age their peers are the most important thing to them and they want so badly to fit in. Have you thought about putting her in some positve extra curricular activities like a church youth group or sports? It's true if you keep her busy, she'll be less likely to get into trouble!
You abviously care and are aware and that's a big plus for her. She will be fine with some positive guidance. Best wishes.

[pam780]

Thats the thing you see, she used to be a member of a local gymnastics club from which she became champion, and got selected to join an after school club which she won many awards at and whilst at junior school she was very pro active. I have tried to get her to join an after school girls sports club but she just wouldnt have it, Since my first post on this issue we have met with the school, she tells us she wants to be away from this group and out of trouble, but is very worried about the backlash she will get, so we have agreed with the school for her to go back on report, the rules of her report are to stay away from these girls  (so it looks as though it is not her choice to stay away from them)  and to attend 1 afterschool club a week, we have also agreed that she see's a school councilor which will happen after the half term. I am so worried about her today as i am aware that this group of girls have already excluded her from there group and she was very distressed about it. But i am also relived that this this has come to a head, i just hope things can move forward now. Failing this my next step is probably to change her school, and as Teko said on the conditions of joining afterschool clubs and activities. Thank you all for this support, it means alot having some very helpful views to help us through tis difficult time, I adore my girls, (i have twin girls of 7 also) it is heartbreaking seeing my eldest going through this and i do want to do everything i can to help her. I miss her so much.

[24me]

1st things 1st. Who are her friends and where are their parents. You should consider getting all the parents together and learn who each other is and if they are having similar experiences w/ their kids.
Ask them for a helping hand-it is very likely your daughter is thought of as the ring leader by the other parents.