Split Visitation

[caydensmom]

The father of my son and I are having a difficult time being together therefore we have a paternal agreement which states after he turns 1 year old that we will follow a 50/50 time sharing schedule.  Needless to say, I can't imagine being a day away from my child so emotionally I have struggling however I know this is only best for my child and legally I can't dispute this.  My question is what the best schedule is for my son regardless of the inconvenience to me or his father.  I originally stated that we should switch off every 2 days so he is continuously in the presence of both parents however my ex has said he received feedback from a psychologist that 1 week is best with every other day visits for a couple of hours.  Ultimately I want to do what is best for my son and am concerned that the wrong schedule could impact his future emotional/behavioral development.  I need guidance!  Please help!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Perhaps five days would be sensible for now, but there really is no good way to do this from my perspective.  Once he begins school, he really should go to sleep and wake up in the same bed each school day. Perhaps by then this plan will have been changed. It really is not a good idea.

[caydensmom]

Thank you for your feedback.  I don't think the pressure was necessarily from the father since I do agree with time sharing.  Just being a new mom, considering the potential downfall of my relationship and dealing with lawyers can produce pressure if you know what I mean.  I understand your concerns which is why I am trying to reach out to professionals like you for guidance.  There is no question that we will share visitation.   With that being said, in your professional opinion what schedule do you feel is best under the circumstances?  3/4 days, 1 week? Maybe 3 days each until he reaches a certain age (perhaps school age) and then extend to 1 week with weekly dinner arrangements so there is a little more continuity?  Although I know its not about me, I can say with a high degree of certainity that this is going to be extremely difficult for me emotionally and I am having a difficult time accepting it therefore I can only imagine what my child will be experiencing.  Thank you for your help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I am opposed to 50/50 agreements for young children (i.e., younger than 11-12 years old) because they invariably involve too mnay transiitions. Regardless of the capabilities of the parents, too many transitions tend to be de-stabilizing for young children. To be frank, 50/50 arrangements often have more to do with the interests of the parents than they do the interests of the child. When you agree to something under pressure, your own instincts were telling you that something about the plan is not right. If you must proceed with the plan, doing it in a manner that minimizes the back-and-forth, coming-and-going will be the better way to proceed. I wish the courts would cease approving such plans for infants, toddlers, pre-schoolers and school-age children. The younger the child, the more inappropriate such plans are.

[caydensmom]

I feel that it is in the best interest of my child to be with his father just as I feel I should be.  I think he plays a significant role in his life and my son needs that.  I have signed a paternal agreement which states that I accept the 50/50 timesharing which was done somewhat under pressure but also from the legal guidance I received stating that if I went to court, the FL law could indeed grant the same.  Why do you oppose 50/50 and what implications do you feel it could have?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

In my opinion the 50/50 plan is not a good idea, regardless of what permutation you select. Why do you say it is best for your child and that you cannot legally dispute it? Both of those assumptions invite questions.

[caydensmom]

I would also like to say he has an unbelievably caring father who has 24 hour nanny care of whom is also with me so it is not a matter of him being unsafe.  Mostly it has to do with him being away from me and me from him and the impact it could cause.