Question Child Abuse

[NCgranny]

My grandson is a child of "joint custody". The father was never a "caretaker" but went after joint custody in order to lessen his child support. This was court ordered almost 3 years ago.

The child has never wanted to go with his Dad. We thought with time this would get better. It has not. We try to build up each visit, telling the child how much fun he'll have with his Dad and so on. Some times he cries so hard he loses his breath. The Dad gets very angry at his reaction.

Recently this child has started telling us thing that happen while he is at his Dads.
1. He and his 7 year old step brother are not allowed to wake their Dad up when they awake. They are not allowed to go into his bedroom (note: there is no female there..just the boys and Dad). The 7 yr old climbs the kitchen cabinets to get cereal and fix them both breafast. They eat and watch TV until their Dad gets up.

2. The Dad leaves them there for short periods of time.

3. More recently the child shows fear for his Dad. He has admitted that the Dad "tried to fight the older child, becoming angry at something the child did, running across the room to that child and jerking him by the shirt" The 5 year old cries when he tells this story and admits he is afraid of his Dad. He found a 4 leaf clover recently and I told him they would make him lucky. His reply " Then I wish it would make it where I didn;t have to go to my Daddys anymore"

What steps do you recommend? The Dad would never ever agree to less than joint without being court ordered.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The description of events as told by this boy demand some intervention.

One option is to request review by the court of the custody arrangement. In many jurusdictions, one mechanism for this is to have a guardian ad litem appointed by the court. The obligation of the guardian ad litem is to issue a recommendation about how to proceed.

Another option, which of course will promote upset with the father, is to notify the local child protection agency about the neglectful behavior. It is obviously very risky for children so young to be left to their own devices while the father sleeps or, even worse, while he goes out and leaves them alone.

If there is a friend or relative who has the confidence of the father, perhaps that person can be enlisted to broach the concerns with the father.

[babyprayers]

wow, I have an almost duplicate situation EXCEPT. my daughter is the only child, and I have sole custody, but every time she cries about going to her fathers etc.. I called child protective and stated, while I did not want to keep my child from her father, I felt there was more going on up there, perhaps emotional abuse as to some of the things my daughter told me, similar to yours, increased anger, always yelling at her, spending all his time with his friends etc.. they told me, Unless there is some sort of proof, such as bruises, or the child comes directly out and states something that happened that could potentionally put them in a dangerous situation, such as leaving them alone in the house, there was not a damn thing I could do, This is new york state by the way, I say thats BS.. wait till something happens then you will do something, MY ADVISE to you, take him back to court,. whats the worst that could happen, your grandkids, kids etc. are your sole priorty, or perhaps have your daughter stand up to him, tell him this is what the kids are saying and things need to change or I am taking you back to court.. keep everything thru the courts,. do not do anything on your own, at least that way you have proof.. keep those kids best interest in mind, it only takes one person to screw up their little minds,. I told my ex bottom line, you love your daughter and she loves you but if things dont change on your end, I will make them change on mine. if this man truly loves his kids he will take someones advise, and get a grip before he loses. good luck and keep me posted.