Dead beat dad..

[Sharmaine]

I have been divorced for two years, and have two girls 10 and 7, who have amazingly done very well.  the problem come with my mother and my ex husband.  She is constantly trying to include him in family events, involving my kids, when i am not around. She puts it as, you divorced him not us.  I told her i think this is confusing for the girls as I am in a new relationship, and am trying to move on with my life.  My mother uses the girls as an excuse..saying.. its their dad, and its making their life easier... she also quoted some doctor as saying, its best to include him, for an easier 'divorce transition'.  I have repeatedly asked her to stop interferring, but she continues and now is driving me further away from her.  Her most recent is inviting him on a huge family camping trip, on the weekend that the girls are with their dad.. am I being selfish? or is this really confusing my  kids??? any advise would be appreciated..
tnx.

[Joseph C Mchugh]

I have been involved in a situation, similar to this, for four years. I am the non-custodial father. My children, ages 10 and 7 present me with the baffling question frequently, "why dad could you not be involved at our family functions". My daughter 7 cries when I am not with them, my son has developed an angry disposition to this mother bound journey to separate family. I have neither solution to my dilema nor anyoneelse. I am responsible to the emotional needs as well as all time available to be with the kids.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Sharmaine,

Your mother, of course, is entitled to continue a relationship with your former husband if she wishes. With whom she associates is her business, so to speak.

However, it is not up to her to make decisions about your children. That is your job and, depending on the custody arrangement, the job of your children's  father.

As I see it, then, the problem is not that your mother continues to have a friendship with your former husband. The problem is that she involves your children in this, without your approval. She is exercising jurisdiction that does not properly belong to her.