Should I be Concerned

[Aunty]

I have 5 nieces and nephews. They all mean sooo much to me. I am really upset about 2 of my nieces behaviors. I don't know if I should say something to my sister or not. The girls are age 4 and 7. I have caught them several times touching each others private areas and giggling about it. They were caught touching one of their cousins (who is female and 5.) last week and they told her that it was ok to touch because they are cousins. Is this a sign of child molestation? The 4 year old curses really bad all the time and she is constantly touching herself. The 7 year old is very sweet and kind, then all the sudden she turns into this evil child who just has hatred written all over her face. She tells her mother that she is ugly and fat, and that she hates her and that when she dies she will be happy. The 7 year old also has a huge infactuation with men. She also told me that her father slept in the bed with her and they were both naked. I didn't push it any further with questions because I have never been around this before. My sister husband is 33 years older then her. Does this make a difference?
The 4 year old, up until about 6 months ago was deathly affraid of men. My brother-in-law couldn't even be in the same room with her, without her flipping out. We are in the process of approaching my sister about her childrens behavior, we just need more information as to what to do. The 4 year old really likes being around my younger sister who has 2 kids. When their mother comes to get them they start cursing and acting like crazy kids on crack. I really hope that I am able to get some answers here. I have searched and searched, but this is our last straw. We don't know how to approach the parent nor how to handle the kids when they do these things. The 2 sisters are starting also to mess with their little brothers privates as well. I really need someone to help. Please!

[Linda D.]

These children are in trouble and you all are correct to be concerned.  You must confront the situation and family rules regarding inappropriate touching amongst the cousins must be stated, restated, and supervised.  They may not be left alone without a trusted adult at this time.  When young children act out sexually in the manner you describe, something is not right.  Naked child - naked male in bed is enough for me. If your family knows a social worker or a psychologist in pediatrics, run don't walk. And the answer to your question: YES, it is abuse when young children act sexually on other children.

[treefrog]

The previous comments made here suggest that the molestation or abuse may be coming from the male figure in these childeren's lives.  Don't rule that out, but, you  don't know where the abuse lies.  As much as you may respect your sister and as hard as it may be to believe such things, the abuse can be coming from the mother.  Just keep your eyes open.  It may be best to go to people who deal with these types of things regurlaly.  The important thing is to protect the children, stop the abuse and get them the help they need with recovering from such situation.

[greendog_24]

I agree with this anwser.
That definetly sounds like abuse to me especially since you said the 4 year old was afraid of men. That there is a big sign,. You should tell your sister immediatly.

[littlemar]

That definetly sounds like abuse to me especially since you said the 4 year old was afraid of men. That there is a big sign,. You should tell your sister immediatly.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is clearly some pretty worrisome pathology in this family and you have every reason to be concerned. The appearance, and I underscore appearance, is that the children have been sexually mistreated. At the very least, they have been exposed to a level of sexual behavior that shoud not have occurred. At worst, they have actually been sexually abused. They are displaying the sort of abuse reactive behavior that is typical of abused children. While you risk alienating your sister, it is the responsible thing to do to voice your concern for the children. In a nice but direct way, tell your sister about your observations and suggest she seek help. You may have to voice your concern to the local child protection agency. Try to enlist the help of people whom the family trusts - e.g., friends, clergy.