3-year old fine at daycare, HORRIBLE for parents

[BATarheel]

Our 3-year old son is behaving terribly at home. From screaming and stomping his feet, to talking back and not going to bed. He is constantly saying "no" and he likes to "fight" with his stuffed animals. This behavior started about 6 weeks after his baby sister was born. She is now 11 weeks old and his behavior is getting worse and worse. We have tried everything with him from spending additional time with just him to talking with him...but most of the time the episodes just end with him yelling and me in tears and yelling back.  I know there is not a quick fix to this but I just need to know where to begin trying to get my precious son back.  He is fine in daycare and most of the time at preschool. He has been acting up a little in preschool this week but I attribute it to his lack of sleep. It took 2 hours one night this week to get him to sleep.  He is fine when he stays with his grandparents...it just seems that he is "trying" us...the parents.  My nerves are starting to wear thin and I know this isn't helping him.  Any suggestions??

[D99G03]

Sounds to me like he just wants some extra attention due to the new baby? "Negative attention is better than no attention" and they know how to get parents to react.

Just wanted to share my discipline techninque which may help you situation as well.  My daughter is 2.5 yrs. Although she is happy, witty and loving she is also very stubborn and has been known to tantrum! When she first started to understand what we were saying I began to do this...

If after a few reprimands she still misbehaved or tantrumed uncontrollably, and talking to her only invoked more shrieks, I'd physically scoop her up and carry her into her bedroom for a time out. Even though she was young (maybe around 12 months) I'd say "no screaming...now timeout" over and over as I carried her into her room and put her in her crib. Then I'd leave and close the door and let her cry, either until the crying was sporadic or 10 minutes (which ever came first). I would then go in and say "crying all done?" "all better" to which she eventually replied "yah" or nod. In which case I'd let her come out, however if something got her going again - even if 10 minutes later - we'd repeat the process. There were some days when she'd return to her room 3x in a row.

It has been well over a year since I began doing this with her and when she starts to "act up" now, all I have to say is, "do you want a timeout?" and she'll say "no" and then I say "well then stop screaming/crying/or whatever the problem is" and she almost always stops. With my 6.5 yr. old I tell him to go to his room, he can leave the door open and come out when he's ready. Also, if we need to repeat this once he comes out, then we do. If he is really in trouble, go in your room, close the door until I will come get you! In either case I have been consistent, as futile as it may seem sometimes. But it has paid off.

I am a home daycare provider and let me tell you that children know what buttons to push on their parents VERY early on in life. Some childrens behavior changes negativley the minute a parent enters the room. My suggestion. I promise, he will "get it" fairly quickly and I am suret hat this will level out once he gets used to the baby.  I hope this helps? Good Luck.

[Andrea7878]

i hope i can be of some help. i have two children a 4 and 1/2 yr old and a 2 yr old. on top of that my 4 yr old has had luckima 2 time since he was born. this iv learned living in hospitals for 3 yr alot of pationts and other ways of handling things since i could not reslot to yelling, spanking or things like that being were there were people sleeping around me all the time.  Do you let you oldst help you with the baby. make him/her feel that this is there child too. let him/her feed the baby, bath baby of couse with your help, pick out clothes the baby will wear, singing to the baby. that dose help alot. my son just loved that he key word had this baby that he could take of. i made him feel big, and important. As for being well behaved at day care, he knows that person is not his/her mother and there is not that kind of a bond with the daycare pervider. with you he knows how well he can push you, he knows your mommy. any time he fustrates you to the point you feel like yelling(and he has done something he should not of) set him down in a time out rug untile he's time is up. time leght should be his age in min. if he gets up, you put him back in there and start the time agian. keep doing this untille he finaly sits there for his min. even though it may take 30 min the first time you do this, but in time if you are  PERSITENT AT ALL TIMES he will stay his min witout getting out. that dose help so much. If  you seem to not help yourself when your angrey at him go to diffrent rooms and calm down. put him in his room and you go to your room. cry if you need to let it out in a diffrent room.  when your fustrated your child sense that and can easly get fustrated back at you. you are calm they are calm. Its so hard to raise them. and you will always make a mistack, but thats what being a mother is making mistacks and trying your best. i belive you are doing your best. i hope iv helped out some.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

First of all, try not to take your son'e behavior in a personal manner. He's not deliberately trying to do anything. It's actually a good sign that he is behaving well outside the home. That is one indication that you are dealing with a normal-spectrum childhood behavior problem. It requires a systematic plan of behavior management. Talk will not get you far - he's too young for that to make much difference. Set clear, simple limits - i.e., let him know in no uncertain terms what is allowed and what is not allowed. For example, tell him he is expected to do what you say and he will go into time out when he doesn't. Tell him it is not allowed to talk back, and that he will go into time out when he does. Do not give him directions over and over. Twice is plenty. If he does not comply, place him in time out. When he violates your rules, put him in time out (an adult-size chair). A time out period should last for approximately five minutes. Track the time with a digital cooking timer, and start the timer only when he is eated and quiet.