Social Development -- Should we be worried?

[Larryphl]

Hi, and thank you for taking my question. My wife and I are a bit worried and I'm wondering if it's because of stress or if you think we should be genuinely concerned.

Our son is nearly three and a half. He has strong motor and verbal skills -- he runs well, smiles, climbs stairs and speaks in understandable (though rambling!) sentences. But he rarely wants to play with other children. Though he's only been in preschool for three sessions so far, he doesn't seem to want to participate while all the other kids love to play together. He's quite a loner and his eye contact leaves a little to be desired. Also he's having a tough time potty training, and it's been stressful for my wife as well (It's been going on three weeks and he still sometimes messes himself).

One-on-one with us, he can be funny and talkative. But put him in the schoolyard and he (sometimes stubbornly) wants nothing to do with other children. When compared to children his age or younger, he's definitely not as advanced as far as sharing or taking turns. He is very loving toward his 7-year-old sister, though, and is always interested in what she is doing.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

Larry

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Likely all you have to do is remain patient and let him adapt. The situation is quite new and he needs some time to acclimate. These days, with so many children in pre-school settings at an early age, sometimes too much is expected re: socialaizing and children's readiness to do so. The same applies to toilet training. Three weeks is hardly any time at all. Adopt a supportive, reassuring, very pateint approach, rewarding him for successful use of the potty. Take advantage of the many useful books and videos about the toilet training process. Such resources help children develop motivation to engage in the process. Don't be at all alarmed if the process takes a matter of months. That would not be at all unusual.

[allmymarbles]

Each of us is unique. Some are extroverts and some introverts. Some are very sociable and some tend to be loners. Neither is abnormal, although our current culture favors the outgoing person, and tends to see him as the norm. It isn't, nor should it be. If your son is happy as he is, leave him alone.

[tejodouro]

Toilet training usually takes longer than three weeks for a boy.  So, don't worry.  Regarding his social skills, if he is talking, make sure that he is exposed to lots of social type activities with other kids of his age: playdates at your home, going to the play park, little singing or dancing class. Good luck.

[Larryphl]

Thanks very much for your quick reply. I think you're right, of course, but it's very reassuring to hear! I appreciate your help.