Son with no self-control/diagnosed add/possible aspergers

[jen8569]

I am at a loss for our son. We have him in therapy and it does not seem to help. What do you do with a child who takes no responsibility for actions, no self control, doesn't follow rules (home or otherwise), makes people mad on purpose, doesn't follow through with instructions for chores, ignores requests, cannot make friends because he annoys them, desires friendships but has none because they can't stand his behaviors, is rigid in thinking, argues everything, will not follow through with instruction,and this year he got so fixated on a disagreement over a violation of his religious rights that when she wouldn't budge he burnt himself, then they call children services to investigate. We have other children and we are afraid his choices or whatever is going on with him is putting our family at risk and himself. If you compliment any progress he will sabatoge it. We have done rewards, consequences, contracts, charts, grounding,severe discipline times, light discipline times and he is on Concerta and zoloft. It is like he needs the supervison of a toddler. This is overwhelming and exhausting on our family. He can be fun but will ruin it by starting arguments or getting handsy with people or name call. He takes everything personally. Therapy does not seem to be working. What can we do?

[amssaalwan5my]

I feel sorry for you and I have an Aspergers child aged 11, plays with fire  and is receiving medicine now to calm him down.  I think your child has ADHD and ODD
Aspergers is acompanied with clummsiness especially in boys, disability to understand jokes, and  trend to interprete thing very literary, auditory processing deficit is also common.

[MrsVain]

I apologize if my post upset you, i was not trying to "push my agenda" on you in any shape or form. And I believe i stated that in the beginning. i was just trying to understand what was going on and not having much detail i asked some questions to better understand plus give you some alternatives that possibly you hadnt tried or thought of yourself. i believe a child needs to vent out or just burn off energy, but that is not always the solution to a problem. i have children of my own, plus my sister in laws 3 children sometimes (a total of 8 in my house) right now it is just my 5. helped raise my sisters 6 boys and i have always been around children all my life.
I can tell by your response that you have probably done everything i have suggested at one time or another. and i applaud you for that. in no way do i feel like you are faulty or neglectful, which i think i also stated in my post. But i AM completely against drugs and some kinds of therapy, which apparently came across loud and clear in my previous post. However, i would like to mention, i am not bashing those who do use it, and i also believe for some people drugs is the only thing that helps.
i still dont understand your son's issue, but it sounds like you have a firm grasp on it and are doing what you can for and in the best interest of your son. I wish you the best with your testing and hope you find a solution that both you and your son can live with. it seems like there are people who do understand and can give you better ideas then i.
again, good luck and god bless......

[momagain59]

All I can say is FINALLY, Someone that understands, Thank you

[jen8569]

We do pray for him and have even sought counsel through our church. Most tell us we are doing what we can but our kids have free will and they will be accountable for their own actions. That would be great if other people didn't look judge our parenting with the things our kid will do. I do not let too many people know he is on meds because once they know they all have a story where they took know of kids who were taken off of the meds and changes in the home were made and the kids struggled a little but they are much better off of the meds. They talk to me as if my child and the kids they know of are all of the same make up. The ones they are talking about are only diagnosed with add/hd. Not the same thing. I do feel at times this is all just do to someonething we must have done or not done in our parenting. But, we have done all any counsel has offered. I sometimes compare my son to David in the bible. David had to go to the dessert places to see who God was, and all the time God preparing him to be a King.
I like to believe he is preparing my son through this for greatness and be able to use this to help other people or help other parents who will go through this with their kid. He was wonderfully and beautifully made. On days he that are not good, and I have to try and find something to build us and him up, I try to remember this. But, but right now this is one dry dessert time in our life. Thank you for your scriptures and prays. I am so glad you have knowledge of what you are dealing with at your son's age, and not having floundered around as we have all these years.  You know where God's grace does come in is that on about 95% of the bad days one of us is not discourage to be able to be the voice of reason for the other. It is so cool how he balances that out.

[jen8569]

The dr. 2 days ago prescribed abilify, not sure yet only 2 mg. But go in 2 weeks to make any adjustments and feedback.

[chull]

Girl, I feel your pain.....I pray to God that we will be in a better situation by the time he is the age of your son.  My son is 7, with all the same traits plus some other social "awkwardness".   Most of the parents who have commented on your questions are ones that have commented on mine. Most are very compassionate people and the ones that discourage you should not of commented if they have never been in your situation.  But as you'll notice there is 5 supportive people for every person who feels they need to "push their agenda" off on you. I worked in pharmaceuticals for 10 yrs and I promise you I was one of the people who used to think I will NEVER medicate my child, yet here I am...... I feel for you!  We are going through the same struggles with our child and family...and it is very frustrating.  I often say he is more work than my 2 yr old and 8 mo old combined.  And he is!!!   I would like to think of myself as a strong Christian woman, yet sometimes my faith in this situation is tested.   I can only suggest that on days where you feel like everyone is against you in this situation and there is no help in sight.  PRAY, then PRAY again, and CRY it all out!!!!!!   Then on the "good" days praise God for that day because we both know that maybe that was a gift for us!  I don't know about you but those are few and far between for us and usually come as I feel that I just can't take anything more!  I know this probably sounds like I am crazy........here are a few scriptures that I want to share with you....Luke 18:27, Matthew 11:28-30, John 3:1-6 & John 3:34, II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15, Proverbs 3:5- 6, Philippians 4:13, I Peter 5:7, Hebrews 13:5.... this is the ONLY thing that keeps me positive about my son's situation.   I promise that I know how you feel and I promise I will pray for you and your family!  Blessings!