Should I interfer with my 14 year old Daughter's relationship with a boy who fib

[Babs]

My 14 year old Daughter has a boyfriend who is 13 and they mainly just see each other at school. They have developed a close friendship because of mutual interests such as  cars, good grades, track,and taste in clothes. I didn't have a problem with this relationship but now I am concerned because the boy lies alot. He was born to a teenage Mother and orphaned at about 6 years of age and has been in a stable adoptive home for 6 years. The things he lies about almost always have to do with money. He told his classmates that his parents have a new BMW and they don't, and that they made $300,000 a year but that figure keeps changing ( downward.) He told my Daughter that he bought her a gold locket for Christmas but he actually didn't. She was really excited and told her friends. He told her that he had a horse when he first met her ( she has one) and he never had one.These are just a few of the examples. My guess is that insecurity from his early childhood is causing this but my Daughter is honest and I think she should expect the same from her friends. I know it is hard to break up a teenage relationship so do you think he might outgrow this or should I just hope that the relationship eventually fizzles out and my Daughter finds out for herself that it isn't fun to not be able to believe what someone tells you?

[chrissy]

I have a nephew around that age who is also born to a teen mom. He speaks the same way too, as in lies. I don;t feel you need to be consirned, unless you feel that it is hurting your daughter. I once caught my nephew speaking a lie and when I asked him why, his reply was he wanted people to like him, and think he is cool. Just inform your daughter not to get her hopes up on certain things, I would hat to see them get shot down!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Babs,

Your daughter will have to deal with this aspect of her boyfriend's personality. I agree with you about the likely reason(s) for the behavior. Perhaps she can let him know that her friendship with him isn't based on the sorts of material privilege that he announces, and that she prefers for him to be himself and not pretend to be someone he isn't. It generally isn't useful for parents to intrude too much on these kinds of relationships. At the same time, don't hesitate to talk with your daughter about your concerns. At such a young age, they don't have the experience or wisdom and can benefit from the suport and counsel of parents if it's offered in a way that does not feel intrusive or bossy.