concerns about my four year old son

[sjh914]

I am concerned about my son - he’ll be four years old next month.  He has started preschool two half days a week.  He was trilled about going and adjusted easily, participating in all activities and behaving well.  But his social interaction with his peers is one of my biggest concerns.  He will not acknowledge other children, even if I encourage him to do so.  Very rarely will he play with other kids, and he will not say hello or goodbye.  He says “I don’t like to say goodbye.”  Today during a play date with a girl of similar age she tried to give him a hug and he ran away from her, hiding under the table.  He refused to play with her, instead laying around making funny noises.  He makes noises a lot and loves to imitate his baby brother’s sounds (his brother is 15 moths old).  He does this constantly even though he knows we do not like it.  He has been very defiant lately and does not listen well, sticks his tongue out at me and has even swung at me before.  

He is an extremely intelligent boy – talks very well and can count, learned his letters and colors easily, etc.  But I have been concerned about him for some time, particularly because he seems to be somewhat unattached to me (has always separated very easily from me, will not run up to me after school like the other children, etc.)  Also his interaction with his peers concerns me, especially since he's getting to be of the age that most other kids are interacting well together.  Any input would be appreciated.  I want him to be happy!

[sjh914]

Thank you for your advice!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, you are right. I think he needs more exposure to peers outside the family/relatives circle.

[sjh914]

Thank you for your reply.  I do try very hard to set limits with him.  It sounds like you believe the problem is not enough social interaction, and that getting him more involved with other kids will help?  He is due to start pre-K next year, which is three days a week.  Then he'll start kindergarten.  Maybe I will try to get him involved in some other activities as well for this year.  He does have many cousins that we spend a lot of time with, and we do a playgroup once a week.  He is not as shy with adults as he is with other kids....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Hopefully you are setting limits on his inappropriate behavior. If you wonder about that, consult Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents (see www.sosprograms.com) and follow the guidelines. Relative to pre-school, it would be prudent to have him attend for more time. Two half-day sessions are really not sufficient for a child who is having some struggles in the social aspect of pre-school. He's not receiving sufficient exposure to his peers to enhance his social skills. If he were more gregarious by nature, perhaps the two sessions would be enough. But he is more reticent socially, which by itself is OK, but he needs more contact than he is getting.