My son disrespects me

[4Melissa4]

My now adult son runaway from home at the of 16 and he's been back and forth since then.
He grew up without his father who only lived 45 minutes away before he died. He never gave his son attention.
My son is so disrespectful towards me, I'm beginning to dislike him. He comes to my home messing up things never putting things back. He acts like a bully always an abusive attitude. He curses me saying f--k you more times than I wish to say. Last time he was here he took my watch without my permission. He only comes when he has no other place to stay. He dosen't want to go to school are get a job. I intend to move away and not let him know where.
He once was a beautiful child and I loved him dearly. But now I'm starting not to care.
How can I repair this relationship? What am i doing wrong?



This discussion is related to Healthy Boundaries Between Mothers and Adult Sons.

[margypops]

Reading your post it sounds to me as if this young man could use some counseling, I urge you not to give up on him, the bad language and disrespect is a cry for help in my opinion, it wont make him a better human being if everyone throws up their hands .The messing things up is trivial , I never knew any tidy man.and perhaps you are getting on his case a bit? You say he 'took' your watch, did he in fact steal it or was he borrowing it for a reason and didn't ask you ? Have a quiet chat with him see if you two can make a go of living together they are gone before long anyway , hes your son always will be , get some child/parent relationship counseling going .If you can work things out between you you will be glad in the future that you made the effort ....good luck l

[adgal]

You say he ran away at 16.  I guess I am wondering what was going on to make him want to do that?  I am not in any way putting this on you, just wondering if things that happened in his childhood/teen years might be a part of this.  I grew up in a very disfunctional home.  For a long time I had no respect for my parents either.  Terrible, but true.   My mom was very loving and tried her best, but I held her responsible for things that had gone on with my dad.  It wasn't rational, but it is what it is.  Anyway, my point is that if there was disfunction in his life growing up, that could account for the lack of respect. I also used to lash out verbally as I was very angry.  He also sound angry to me. It sounds to me like he needs counselling.  Perhaps you could even go together...family counselling is not just for families with young children.  I just get the feeling he is dealing with some unresolved anger and issues.  If I am right, know there is hope. Today I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, but it took time and effort on all of our parts.  Good luck to you.

[RockRose]

How old is he,  Melissa?  How is he making a living?  

In your list of things he does that are wrong,  I really think you should take the thing about messing things up and not putting them back off the list.  Young men just do that,  it's not necessarily intentional that they get out the cereal and milk and leave the bowl with residue on the coffee table.  

The other stuff,  stealing your watch and cursing you is awful.  

It sounds to me like he's on drugs.  Is that the case?