No discipline technique left to try on my 3 yr old.

[Hopeyandmiah]

We have done all, tried all we knew and heard to do to get our 3 yr old little boy to mind us and be a normal little boy. I know that this age can be trying i its self, but I am finding myself more regularly hoping someone in the family will take him for a couple days, or I just think to myself at times I just want to run away. I love our little boy with all my heart and I know he has it in him to be good, but ther seems to be no end in sight to his very very mean and cruel behavior. He used to listen somewhat good before our second child was born almost 18months ago. Now on a daily basis as soon as he wakes up it is literally not even 5 minutes later and I am already having to tell him repeatedly not to hit his brother, not to throw things, not to scream. I am 6 months pregnant with our third child and I am getting scared to think of what he might try to do to this sibling. I have tried everything from sitting down and talking to him, to time out, taking toys away, sending him to his room, and I have spanked him a couple times for the behavior but now more latley I feel like I am yelling at him all day long, waiting and praying for naptime and bedtime to get here soon because I feel like I am at my wits end with what I can do. He doesnt even attempt to stop what he is doing unless I stand up, then he runs away but doesn't stop. He tells me to shut up when I scold him for hitting the 18 month old or when I tell him not to play with the plug ins and such. I don't knwo what else I can do. I read a post on here saying these actions could be an early sign of a mood disorder. Mood disorders run deep and widely spread in my family. I have had therapists tell me I was Bipolar and some that say I suffer from severe depression. Could I have seriously given such a horrible trait to my child so early in life? Are there more specific signs that I need to be watching for? i don't want my 3 yr old to wind up having to be medicated for the same thing I am at such an early age. I am also concerned about the behavior he has already taught my second child becasue he already beats his head on things when he's mad and he throws and hits whatever is closes when he is mad. please help me understand better of all of this. It is so stressful and I just want to enjoy my little guys while they are still so young, but I can't enjoy being stretched to my limits every single day, every hour and almost every minute he is awake. If he does wind up having some sort of mood disorder, how do they treat it in toddlers and how safe is the medicine if needed? Just asking because my little brother had adhd really bad when he was young and they gave him ridlin, howver its spelled, i hated the way he was on that medicine. It was like he wasnt fully there and I dont want that for my son.

[specialmom]

Hi,  I've been in your shoes, I feel your pain.  Let me just say that.  I have two boys that are 15 months apart and my oldest has sensory integration disorder.  So he was active beyond belief and challenging to say the least.  What I did to keep  my sanity is I plotted my day.  The more active I kept him and his brother----  the better the day.  I had an outing every day (and like I said, mine were 15 months apart----  it is hard with them close together and an active one to boot----  but it was worth the effort).  I'd find an open kids gym, an indoor playground, if it was warm enough we would go for a walk, we did swim lessons, etc.  In the warm months it is much easier----  we just hit a park every day.  It burned off a lot of energy and there is a proven direct link with physical activity and behavior.  I can't tell you how much this helped improve things.

Then the rest of the day I had activities in mind.  Playdoh for a while, then we clean up and do stickers then we would clean up and do blocks, then we'd clean up and etc. etc.  I always had a running list of the next thing I could offer to do.  My younger son just did the things with us and I'd help them both along.  Two piles of blocks and each kid worked on their own thing, etc.  Puzzles are good too.

I found my child had bigger issues if left to just free play without direction.  Don't think because I was really involved that my child didn't learn to play or play by himself . . . he is now 6 and a champ at both.  He is imaginative and can go to his room alone and entertain himself for an hour or so . . . so being really active with him at 3 did not cause him not to be able to play alone (in case you would worry about that).  So keep your guy very busy.

My sensory kid never did vere well with time outs, he did better with natural consequences.  You throw something-----   it is taken away.  You make a big mess, you must help clean it up.  We from the begining had a zero tolerance for hitting or aggressive acts.  My husband raised his voice one time and I went to stop him-----  this was after my older son did something physical to my younger ---  I almost intervened and then thought----  no, that is unacceptable behavior.  So we don't yell, but our tone says it is not okay.  It happens once in a blue moon now and it is a time out-----  but they are now 4.5 and 6, so it works better now than when they were 3.  

I had "mothers helpers" too.  I would have kids that were from 11 to 13 come over after school for an hour or two to play with my kids.  Kids of 11 to 13 really love to actually play with little ones, so it was great.  I would still be home but wouldn't have to entertain them.  It cost 2 to 3 dollars an hour.  I did it a couple of times a week and it really helped.  I agree that you need to have breaks.  Does Dad help much?  

Whether it is something else I do not know.  Time will tell on that.  As I said, my son ended up having a  mild delay called sensory integration disorder.  Found out at preschool when he was 3.5.  A wise teacher spotted it and lead us down the path of diagnosis.  

Good luck---  they do grow up.  I'm sure you are extra tired too being pregnant and two little kids.  

[angelinamarina]

I love how people who do not have challenging kids come up with simple solutions for what is a very difficult situation.

My daughter laughed at time out chairs.  Oh, I know on "The Nanny" show they put the kid back in the time out repeatedly and at some point he gives in and stays.  Well, you could put my girl in time out repeatedly all day long and she would never, ever, ever give in.

My 7 year old is like your son.  Every day is a test.

Someone mentioned 123 magic.  That did help a bit for a few years.  The book that has really helped me is "The Explosive Child"  This book really showed me that kids do not want to act up or be like our kids are....but their brain is disabled in some way.

The only thing that really helped was getting her on medication.  After much distress, we put her on Risperdal at age 4.  For the first time in 2 years she was able to calm down enough and not be so angry.

She has been diagnosed with "mood disorder" and now ADHD too.

Someone said look into daycare.  I highly suggest that you do this and give yourself a break.  Even if you have to find an in home provider if you cannot afford a preschool class.  
you need a break.  I have been there and I am very sorry that you are going through this.
Also, if you get your son into a developmental pediatrician - they can help sort out what is typical 3 year old behavior and what is possibly something else.
Angi

[supermomma531]

It sounds like he is behaving like this to get your attention. You said that he started acting like this after your second child was born. Try introducing a sticker chart for him for his good behavior and praise him a lot for his good behavior. This will work with any child if it is consistent. Try to get him to help you around the house with some house chores. Make him you little helper. Make certain big boy chores for him to help with while your little one may help you clean up toys or something to this effect if he is old enough. If you think that he has the tendencies of adhd, then take him to the pediatrician and ask for help. You may be able to curb his behavior just by adjusting his diet slightly. You also need to have some time for yourself, even if it is for only an hour a day. Instituting a time out spot for him is a great idea. Explaining to him why he is in time out after he settles down is also a great idea. 1 minute per year is generally the idea. Even the little one who is copying big brother needs to be redirected to another spot or something of this sort. If at the end of the week, your son has earned so many stickers per day for good listening and complying with your directions, then reward him with something like maybe going to the park or spending time with a grandparent or an aunt or uncle or something. Maybe dad could help out after getting home from work by distracting both children for a while so that you can relax before dinner. Have you considered maybe putting him into daycare part time? Maybe a few days a week? For every couple of things that he helps you do, reward him by maybe playing with him or coloring or painting or do something with him that he enjoys. I would bet that after a while, he'll calm down. We have to remember that kids will do anything for attention. Ask him why he is acting out like this. Maybe taking the kids one day a week to a play group for a few hours will help him. This could be used as a reward system. This could help you too as it can give you other moms or dads to talk to about anything and still have your children in you eye sight. They are usually called "early years centers" Remember that you have control about what happens to your children so if your pediatrician is saying to put them on meds for something, you can ask for a second opinion or another option. Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. Have someone come in for a few hours a week to watch your kids while you maybe go for coffee or shopping or something of this sort. You need to do this to keep calm. I hope this helps you out. Good luck.

[margypops]

Perhaps some counselling in child/parent interaction as it sounds as if you have lost some control you say you do a lot of yelling its time to try to look at the way you are handling the situation and taking responsibliity, you are the parent you can make this better for you both ...Good luck

[Sweetipi]

Make a time out place or naughty chair for him... U need to be consistent with him, it will be hard for a while but if u will be consistent and explaining thing to him then it will be worth for it...
Get 1 2 3 Magic in the book store.. It will be helpful. It works with my 4 year old:)